3 Months

Ahh! I can't believe my baby is 3 months old. It seems like time is flying, but I can't remember not having her around. There are vague memories of it being a tad easier to leave the house, but I can't imagine not having this little girl in my life. She is such a great big blessing to Mark and I. She has such a special spirit that goes along perfectly with her special background. Some wise angel once told me that Paige had a big mission in front of her and came to this earth, in her own special way, found her way into both of our lives for a special purpose, and that will only continue as she grows into the special woman she is bound to become. I had the oppurtunity to have a girls weekend with Paige's birthmom, birthgrandma, and some friends. We had such a GREAT time. I look forward to many more in the future. It feels like I have a whole new family that cares not only about Paige, but me as well. All weekend I had to pinch myself; it was very surreal. What a blessing they are to me. We look forward to our sealing, March 26th. Her birth family will be joining us, gives me chills! Heavenly Father has been so evident in this process, and we will all feel that once again, so strongly, together, with ALL our families. Paige will be surrounded by family, friends, and angels that have helped us through this process.

Besides being a mom to this beautiful girl, I stay busy getting housework done, playing some soccer, and keeping up with my calling. I am the cultural arts specialist (fancy for activities) and am in charge of a ward dance number for the upcoming Stake activities night. Mark is a good husband and has been dragged into this with a positive attitude despite his inabilities in dancing. With practice, he actually does pretty darn good and is a good sport about it. Mark had a scan about a week ago and it came back clean. Always good news! His biggest side affect are his lungs. He gets winded easy and sounds very labored after any activity. I am going to have to whip him into shape. We need his knee better too so I can have a running buddy. I am itching to get back into running, but it is hard to find the time. If Mark could come with me, we could take the baby and the dog. He continues to work hard at work and enjoys what he does. Our horse Chula is currently at the trainers, and Mark goes out on Friday mornings to ride and learn from the trainer. It has been really great. Sonny is out there for a tune up, we plan on selling him to buy a smaller, younger horse.

So happy!

Smiling at her birthmama. Good thing someone can capture smiles on camera and send them to me!

The stinkin adorable tutu they brought for Paige on their visit. It is 12 months, so we have some time to grow into it.

Getting ready for church last Sunday.

Sporting her big girl jeans and new outfit. Her hair is going blonde on us. This was taken on her 3 month birthday.

This was awhile ago, but too funny. Roxy loves her and gets jealous at the same time.

Her nursery, my sister-in-laws made the curtains, bumpers, crib skirt, and quilt. Love it! It is so perfect.

"Soar" is our little theme for Paige. It describes her birthmother perfectly, and I pray that Paige will  also soar above all her trials and in everything she does. I have always love birds and I love how this all turned out. It is always fun to decorate with meaning.

Paige's New Trick

If this doesn't make you smile, you are heartless!

Family Joy

Mark and I had the most AMAZING weekend. Friday was easily one of the best days of my life. When Mark and I first decided to adopt, we didn't have a clear idea of what kind of adoption we wanted: closed, semi-closed, or open. I think we were leaning towards a semi-closed adoption which basically means limited contact (i.e. letters, meetings before delivery, pictures, updates, etc) but we promised ourselves to keep an open mind. After attending some classes and reading blogs that I love, I noticed that open adoptions were becoming more and more  popular. The feedback was so positive, but I didn't know if it was something that would be right for Mark and I.  I honestly didn't understand much, and I had concerns that seem so silly now, but until you are living that situation, you just don't know. To many, open adoption is odd, scary, and threatening--and I can understand those feelings, I had those! What I didn't know at that time was how incredible it can be and why those families experiencing open adoptions were so excited about them. With that being said, I still feel so strongly that each adoption is SO different and each situation needs to be analyzed carefully so that it is best for all parties involved. I feel lucky and blessed that Paige's birthmother is an angel.  She has become family and I love her dearly. I feel like I got two for the price of one and I am so grateful that I have a best friend that cares so much for Paige.

Olivia came up on Friday to share her birthday with our little family. I loved watching her light up at little smiles, kissing cute neck rolls, and relishing in every moment. She and I share a mother's love with the same little girl. There is something special knowing she understands how I feel in such a unique way. As mothers, we are always so biased when it comes to our children, it is kind of fun knowing I am not alone in my biased opinions--she shares every single one of them! I was overwhelmed by the feeling that our Heavenly Father knows each of us so well, and He recognizes how much we needed her, and how much she needed us. Now, we get to share in this overwhelming joy together. It is the opposite of threatening and awkward, rather the most comforting feeling ever, knowing that things are as they should be. She is excited to see our little family as a family and knowing she approves and supports us helps me to know that I am doing what I can to give back to her.

 

This picture melts my heart. I have so much love for everyone in this picture!

Mark wanted to make sure I clarified my last post. He is very good at changing diapers, wet ones. He has always been willing to change a wet bum. On Friday, he caved under peer pressure and decided it was his moment to prove to the world he could also do poop.

 

 

He honestly got one of the worst poopy bums I ever did see. Trial by fire. But, now he knows he can conquer them all! Paige smiled through the whole thing.

Yesterday was such a special day for us. Paige has felt like ours from the beginning, but there is some weight that is lifted when it becomes legal. Hard to explain, I never felt like it was because something would "happen," but I guess it is just nice to know that you can take her on a trip, or get a kitten, or whatever without notifying the agency.  I don't know why I was surprised by this, but court is really official. I guess you hear so much about the happiness and what not, that we were a little surprised by the seriousness of it all. It is good, I am glad court is official and serious, I guess I just didn't know what to except. I got a little teary eyed when I finally heard the judge give his ruling and pronounce that our baby would now legally be known as Paige Ryann S______ and we would be legally responsible for her well being. It was nice to share it with our families and it was nice having our lawyers be not only amazing, but really good friends. Thank you D________ for being incredible. 

It is always so interesting that sweet baby Paige is an angel unless something important is happening. She rarely spits up and on this occasion, she hadn't even gone poop since Saturday. She pretty much projectile vomited on our way out the door, making us late, and then she got to work messing her shorts as soon as the judge started to talk.  Great timing. She was pretty fussy the whole time and she smelled amazingly bad. By the time we got to the picture taking, she was ticked. I was able to console with a bottle that pretty much makes an appearance in all these photos despite my ridiculous attempts to hide it. I have crazy eyes thanks to the crying and my hair has been ignored since Paige came into my life, but I still love these:

 

Her cute court outfit. Love the tights that don't fit yet.

 

Getting excited to go to court

 

Hopefully the last time she has to see the judge or she has a few families that will be wanting to send her to wilderness camp;)

 

Her happy, stinky self. Still cute though. Mark and I are blessed with an amazing support group. How cute is my little brother by the way?

 

My good friend Steve who helped us out so much. He and his dad are great! So weird that we are grown ups now. I have a baby, Steve is a lawyer. Where does time go? It doesn't seem that long ago that we were playing night games in Steve's backyard or that Mark and Steve were playing high school baseball. I love that my head tilts to the side in all these pictures. Must be the baby I always hold on the left side. It must be causing a left side droop!



Giving Back Project

Here we are a week later, and I am just barely getting to sit down to right about our gift to the clinic. The entire week was a little bit emotional for Mark and I. It seems like another lifetime ago that we got the news that pulled the rug from beneath our feet. Those first few days were the worst, once we got into the "fight," things were so much better. We figured things out and the task at hand seemed less daunting--but those first few days in the hospital facing the unknown were just down right scary. Honestly, while the situation taught us so much, I would really rather leave it in the past and forget it ever happened. I don't like thinking about it. I want to tuck it away and leave it in a hidden corner. But--that is unfair, because we have a lot to be grateful for, and that is why we must do what we can to give back and to help others who are facing that rollercoaster ride. I think that is why Relay for Life is important. It shows people that they are not alone and that there is a fight out there collectively bigger than their own. If I were to boil things down, the goodness of others is what got us through our tough times. I wanted Mark and I to do a service, but I didn't want it to be about us. We appreciate all those that made this gift so special. I hope you feel like YOU made it happen and that YOU brought a smile to someone in need. I know Teton Oncology will put all the goods to good use and many patients will be blessed! I have already heard the valentines were a hit.

It was hard to get a good picture of the actual haul. We got some really amazing things, boxes full of toys! I packed things up pretty good, so pictures of the boxes really don't do it justice. We needed two vehicles to get the stash there. It was fun gathering everything up, I felt a little like Santa. Legos, Barbies, stuffed animals, coloring books, reading books, clay, play dough, dr play kits, cars, blocks, board games, activity centers, strollers, turtles, wooden dolls, ponies, a handmade train, movies, and the list goes on. I felt like a kid in a candy store and wanted to indulge in a few things myself. For the adults we got a portable dvd player, card games, and a good selection of dvds that I had a hard time not opening and watching before donating. I think the adults should sneak into the kids' room--nothing brings hope like being able to be a kid again, even if it is just a moment. We also got two boxes full of the cutest homemade valentines you ever did see, all with encouraging words to keep fighting, keep smiling, and to feel better. Words really can't express how fun it was to have such a wonderful response. Thank you!

The black bag is full of the cutest beanie babies and stuffed animals ever.

With our favorite nurse--one of our angels.

Paige is now two months old. She had her check-up Friday and she is still so tiny. We will have to do a weight check in a month to see if she can pack on the pounds a bit. She is in the 10th percentile for weight and 30th percentile for height and head. Paige weighed in at 9 lbs 3 oz. She eats pretty good, so I am not too worried, but we will do our best to plump her up. If you have been lucky enough to be around her, you know that Paige isn't much of a crier. She must have anticipated her vaccinations because she wailed through the appointment. When the nurse stuck her, the mouth gaped and the head turned a deep shade of red--but no sound. After 10 seconds of catching her breath, Paige ripped out a scream heard around the world. She has since replicated that sound a few times. The newborn cry is officially gone, she learned how to really let it out. I guess she discovered she can make a ruckus. She hasn't been herself since, makes me so sad! She has slept a lot, but when not sleeping she screams (really, she does). It took awhile before I could even get her to eat again. I hope she gets back to her happy and content self soon so I feel less terrible about the whole ordeal. Paige LOVES her daddy and he was the only one that could calm her down. She is such a cheater. He has never even changed a poopy bum. I guess he did promise her my horse, a puppy, and anything else she wants. Mark told me that is the key--promise her good things. Here I thought it was the singing, reading stories, silly faces, night feedings, poopy bum changes, oh well! I love her dad too:)

In her cute Valentine's Day outfit

Too cute! She loves to have her hands in the air, I swaddled her up tight, but this little fist worked loose.

8 Weeks

My little girl is 8 weeks old today. I still find it strange that I have no idea whether it is Monday or Thursday and time has little meaning, yet it flies so fast. I sometimes become sad seeing time go by because there is something so special about that newborn stage....but then I remember falling asleep brushing my teeth and I realize that having a resemblance of a routine and a baby that sleeps through the night on occasion isn't so bad either.

Paige is so fun. She smiles now--mostly at other people, but I sneak a peek when she thinks I am not looking. She is working on holding her head up and does really well. Her little legs are super strong and she pushes off things like crazy. I hope this means she is dying to be a soccer player rather than a cheerleader, no offense to our spirited folk out there, I can only relate to one side of the spectrum. I am impressed with my concern over her attire. Observing mine, you would not guess I would be excited about dressing a little girl and matching headbands to her outfits, but it really is fun. My OCD matching fetish is in overdrive. I think on a small body when all wardrobe pieces are in close proximity, it intensifies the situation. Paige and I aren't morning people, well, she is, but I am not. I find there is nothing harder than to wake up at 8. Once up, I find it even harder to get ready for the day. Please no visitors before noon, you will find us girls in our pajamas and no make up. Paige's complexion can handle that, mine can not. Our hair is both wild, but the look looks good on her. Same goes for the thighs. It seems rather unfair her chubby ones are considered cute but are unflattering on the older generations.

One year ago today Mark and I spent the entire day working on our online profile. Last year, the 11th was Thursday and Mark came in at 3 am to tell me he was sick. Tonight, I watched him feed horses and throw hay bales around while Paige and I sat in the truck. What a difference a year makes. I have never been so afraid in my life, and now I couldn't be more grateful. Life still has its challenges--they are just different now. We have learned that challenges are what teaches us. I suppose if I was smarter, I would catch on quicker and learn from hearsay....oh well, as long as I learn.

Relay for Life was AMAZING! We had such a great turnout and the donation table was full. I can't wait to present the gift on Friday. I think the clinic will be overjoyed. Even during tough times, people are good and people are generous. I love to feel strength from our community and our friends. The cancer family is strong and though it isn't a club I would have signed up for, it isn't a bad one to be involved with. I don't think we could have done this without the support. It felt great to feel that again, but this time around it was much more positive and uplifting. Mark did a great job speaking. I know he was nervous and concerned about what to say--but he was his usual people person self. Look forward to a post about our project results and pictures.

For now, enjoy some pictures of my cute baby girl:)

I like when babies wear adult clothing like cardigans and truly become little people. I find it amusing. She later smeared poop all over this outfit--not grown up behavior. We will work on that.

Rockin the hood, we have room to grow in this one. She likes to wear this and bump it in the car seat. Of course only to clean and edited songs.

You work to get her asleep, and then you work to keep her up to feed. This is after a failed feeding--just too much work being a baby. She seems so big to me, til I see her with Mark and then she is still my sweet lil baby!

This is the face I get when she doesn't agree with my accessorizing. Apparently she isn't a huge fan of the hat. This doesn't even look like her to me, who is this angry baby?

Trying to get the first captured smile, a tall order when there is a three second delay from when you push the button and the camera takes the picture. Too cheap to get a new camera.

And pretty much the end of the smile, but its close!

Just think this is funny and terribly cute. Mark will love that I put this on here, he was really prepared for the picture taking. I love how he comes home from work, washes his hands, and can't wait to pick up Paige. She is a daddy's girl despite my reasonings with her (i.e. I change poopy bums, do night feedings, spend every waking moment etc...). Oh well, I guess I like him too so I really can't get too mad. Paige rarely reasons with me and we have yet to see eye to eye on some things. I think she is preparing me for her later years.

One Week Away

I can't believe how fast time is going, January is coming to an end, and Relay for Life Kick-Off is a week from tomorrow! Thanks to all who have already donated; we are so grateful! The clinic will be overjoyed. If there is someone you would like to donate in behalf of, please let us know. I would love to make a poster or something with all the names being honored. I have no doubt it will be a special night. Remember, it is February 3rd. For all the details, look back at the last three posts. Last post has the most details.

Meanwhile, my little princess is 6 weeks old---and slept through the night for the first time last night. 10:30 to 8. Not too bad for such a little thing. She smiled at me for the first time Sunday, and it melted my heart. There really is nothing better than being a mom.

Love to you all, thanks for your support!

Love this little thing!

More "Giving Back" and Relay for Life details

All right folks--get excited, the Relay for Life kickoff is really starting to take shape. If you haven't been involved with Relay for Life, now is your chance! Last year, Mark decided at the last minute that he wanted to participate. Not being one for fanfare, Mark was really leary about the whole thing. The day of the event, curiosity got the best of him, and knowing Ironman was going to be there, Mark gave in. It was an amazing oppurtunity and we are glad we didn't miss it! It exceeded our expectations. In the words of the Relay for Life coordinator Lisa-Marie, "Everyone needs hope, not just cancer patients, everyone needs a little hope!" That is exactly what Relay for Life gives. There is something overwhelming powerful about a group of people who gather to champion a single cause. In a time where the news is dominated by shootings, violence, and anger, events like these help to restore my faith in humanity and the overall goodness of people. During our little trial, I was constantly amazed at the support we received, not just from family and friends, but from complete strangers. Relay for Life helped Mark and I see how big the "cancer family" really is and that we were never alone in our journey. It is beautiful having such a strong bond and instant connection with someone because you know they understand the physical and emotional challenges you are going through.

Here is a perfect example of lives weaving together by cancer. As you know, a few days ago I introduced our "giving back" project. The first response I got was from an old friend I met at a college ward. It has really been years since we have seen each other or even talked much for that matter. It is great how Facebook allows you to keep in contact with people that never would have been possible before. Here is a little excerpt from her message:

       "My father in law was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer Feb 2010, He went through 3 surgeries    including having 65% of his liver taken out, 11 rounds of chemo, a fierce infection and 5 hospital stays adding up to 45 days total. He is finally well and back to himself. At his intial diagnosis they gave him a year to live, we have almost hit that year mark and his last scan a month ago his body was completely clear of cancer. We are cautiously optomistic that he will continue on the wellness path! So on a small scale our family can relate to what you both went through. I'm sorry you had to experience something so hard with your husband (we are all to young to deal with that kind of stuff)."

What an amazing survivor story! I got chills reading Anna's message, and it brought tears to my eyes. Anna's father-in-law's birthday is today. Congratulations! I know he and his family have a new appreciation for celebrating life today. In honor of his birthday, they are sending us a package to donate to the project. I love it! I love how projects like these unite people and bring hope to everyone invovled. Hopefully the end result will bring a few smiles on a few faces. No matter what your age, I am with Anna, we are ALL to young to deal with this kind of stuff.

The big kickoff event is slated for Thursday, February 3rd. The event will be at the new Marriot Hotel in Rexburg. It is at 1177 South Yellowstone Highway. Time: 6:30-7:00 Team and Survivor Registration, 7:00-8:00 Program and Service Project, 8:00-8:30 Team and Survivor Registration. We are hoping this will be a family event, so bring your kids! They are working on refreshments through Jamba and Great Harvest bread.  Hopefully, we will PACK that room and having standing room only! There will be so many ways to get involved this night.
1.Remember, Mark will be one of the speakers during the program, and there will also be some entertainment.
2. The service project will encompass our "giving back" project. We are asking those who come to bring a toy or dvd to donate if they are willing. We will be sanitizing the toys that night so they are ready to go to the oncology clinic. I would hate to dump them a whole bunch of germs! If you would like to donate Clorox wipes to the cause, that would be great as well. I will be providing bins and boxes, but I am sure if you have extra of these we could use them as well. Hopefully we will fill them! I really feel like there can't be too much. Perhaps with excess we can spread the joy to the hospital, or let kids take them home after rough treatment days. Anyone out there who has had a "chemo day" knows that it is hard to get excited about it.  Maybe knowing you might get a cool toy to take home will make it a little better. The toys and dvds DO NOT have to be new, so don't feel like this is something you have to go and buy for. Look around your house, see if there is a dvd you can't stand to watch one more time, or a toy you would be glad to "hide" permanently:) The only requirement is the toys need to be easily sanitized after each use to help keep germs at bay. We don't want to distress those weakened immune systems!
3. Another aspect of the service project will be more child oriented. If you aren't familiar with Mark and I's story, start reading last years posts in February. We were in the hospital over Valentine's Day and we received a beautiful card from Rhett, a little boy we didn't know. It lifted our spirits! There will be a table set up for kids to draw pictures, cards, or valentines to give out to patients. There isn't a person out there that doesn't love a little artwork from the heart. What a great oppurtunity to allow our little ones an oppurtunity to serve.
3. Team and Survivor registration will also be held. If you have never been part of a team, now's your chance. Relay for Life teams not only physically support by walking the track for 24 hours, but they raise funds for cancer research. It all goes towards a great cause, so come out and let's enjoy each others company.

If you can't come that night, but would still like to donate to our little project, feel free to email me at jsteiner18@gmail.com and I can give you some more information. Beehive Federal Credit Union in Rexburg has been generous enough to allow donations to be dropped off to either of their locations:

Rexburg Locations:
65 S Center
1087 Erikson Dr
Lobby Hours: 9:00 am - 5:00 pm

Our Valentine from Rhett, and a few get well card's from Mark's nieces.

Mark and I taking part in the survivor lap during last year's Relay for Life.

Come spend a night with us celebrating all those who are touched in someway by cancer. I promise you won't regret it! Service is infectious and is certain to bring a smile. It is dark, gloomy, and winter, let's brighten the mood by strengthening each other and by giving back!