Thankful

I have always tried to be a thankful person. I try to make a special effort to recognize the blessings I have. There are times in my life where it has been harder to be grateful, and then there have been times where I am bursting at the seems with gratitude and wonder how I will ever be able to repay the debt. When Mark was sick, it was extremely hard not to be angry. I truly felt we had been kicked while we were down. Whether it is right or wrong, or whether they have anything to do with one another, or perhaps I am doing better at recognizing my blessings, but this year has honestly been a year of blessing overload. I look at the trials we have had, and the blessings we enjoy, and it makes the trials more than worth it. Perhaps Mark would disagree since he was the one that had to physically carry the burden for us, but even he would have to admit that a lot of good came out of the cancer days. Like I said, maybe they aren't related at all, or the trials taught me to look at things differently. Either way, I feel like we have been richly blessed and are truly indebted to our Heavenly Father. I hope that we can live by the creed, "where much is given, much is required" and show our Heavenly Father we are grateful by blessing the lives of others.  In my last few posts, and honestly, most days, I have had a pretty bad attitude----especially when it comes to construction. I get so caught up in what isn't happening, that I have forgotten what IS happening and how blessed we are to even have the opportunity. I haven't shown a spirit of gratefulness that is for sure! I know that there will still be times I want to scream and pull my hair out, but I hope I can remember to be more positive and thankful.

I am not very good at the Christmas card thing, and with the holiday season officially underway, this year isn't looking very good for them either. I posted most of our family pictures on Facebook, but I know I have a lot of family members that aren't on Facebook, but read my blog. So, taking the lazy route, here are some of my favorite shots:

 

Family pictures were an adventure, and Paige was super grumpy, but we were still able to get quite a few shots that I can't wait to hang on the walls of our new home.

For FHE this week, we built a fort, or a pretty poor representation of a fort. I don't know if I was a better fort maker when I was a kid, or if my childhood expectations of forts were lower, but this was one poor excuse of a fort! Paige seemed to think it was pretty cool, especially crawling in and out of it. The shoddy construction didn't quite hold up to her constant movement, fortunately we were able to capture one good "cheese" moment before demolition.

Paige and Grandma Mary Lou. Paige finally discovered this is one sweet grandma and went to her on her own accord. She is usually all about Grandpa Thaylon and hangs Grandma out to dry. It was fun to watch Paige spread the wealth a little bit at our last big family party.

Mark has been living the dream this fall. Between construction and harvest, he has gotten to "work" in many different tractors and loves every second of it. Paige is definitely a daddy's girl and loves a good tractor ride. She will sit for hours with him in a tractor. She told us the other day that cows are cute. Mark has sufficiently brainwashed her!

Mark convinced me to hop in for a tractor ride. Pretty grateful to have these two in my life!

 

 

I hope this Thanksgiving finds all of our family and friends well. We love you all and count you among our richest blessings. Thank you for all the love and support you have shown us. We are looking forward to this holiday season and having a toddler around to make it even more magical!

 

Ramblings

 

The title of this post will make more sense as I go along, but I wanted to do a house update before I got into the more important stuff. I was noticing the other day that I have hardly any exterior photos of the house posted. I suppose it's because its been a slow go on the outside. It was basically a plywood mess until a few weeks ago. These pictures are a little outdated already. The columns have since been trimmed out, and rock is going up. It is coming together well----but not fast enough! I am anxious to be in for the holidays. I was anxious to be in a few months ago. We are now in worst, worst, worst case scenario and still waiting on cabinets for at least another week. Uugghhhh. 

 

This picture was taken a few days ago. That pretty sand pile is ready for concrete now.

 This particular picture showcases Mark and I's current disagreement. I initially wanted both gables to have the lighter, vertical siding. There was miscommunication (imagine that) and the builder ordered only enough to do as shown. Both of my siding choices were special order, and I didn't want to rip down what we had to wait around for a month. Since we already paid for this siding, it might as well cover the plywood. In the meantime, Mark decided he likes this look better. He likes that the gables are different and contrast each other. I conceded that it does look OK, but I maintain I want that white strip that separates the vertical from the horizontal to go clear across. Mark and all the guys at the construction site think it looks fine the way it is, and the white line's job is to separate the two different sidings, and would look funny on the other garage with just one siding type.

 A completed look at the siding from the back

The only big progress made this week was my vinyl floors. My bathrooms, kitchen, and mud room are officially done. I really like this product. I am crazy and opted out of tile or real hardwood in these areas. I wanted easy to clean and maintain. I like how it all turned out.

I think this looks pretty good even being crazy dirty

 Luxury vinyl folks....looks pretty good don't ya think?

 

 

Now on to the most important thing in my life, this little bug! Paige is getting big, full of attitude, and crazy! She can make me laugh, cry, scream, sigh, and burst with joy all in the same day. I can't believe she will be 2 in one month. She is turning into quite the talker. I sometimes can understand her, and sometimes I have no idea. She will ramble a few sentences and I am sure she knows what she is saying, but I haven't a clue. I got a pretty stern lecture complete with finger shaking and scowl, but I still don't have a clue as to what it was all about! She loves the phone and wants to call someone as soon as she gets up. She holds any number of things to her ear and says "yo----yuv you---bye. " She tries to say "hello" but it sounds like "yo", she really isn't trying to be gangster, but it is hilarious nevertheless. Paige loves cows, snacks, kitty's, and getting into things. Some of her favorite things to grab are glasses, phones, my earplugs, pens, Roxy's dog food, things out of the garbage, and laundry. She is big into giving kisses and saying prayers lately. The terrible twos have arrived and Paige loves to throw herself on the floor or throw a tantrum if things don't go her way. Paige likes to tell me she is two and shows me she is two with three fingers. She informed me the other day she was in charge, which is likely true. At 2, she is pretty sure she can do anything herself---especially eating. It's a battle to convince her to let me help her. Last week she figured out how to climb out of her crib and open doors. My defenses are all gone. At a friends, she found her way to the makeup drawer and smothered lipstick all over herself. Later that day she picked out some snacks from the garbage can. Her hands are constantly reaching for something. I am shocked at what she can reach from a shopping cart. The little pick pocket always snatches something when I am not looking!

 

Paige loves to have me take her picture on my phone and then show it to her. She always gives me a good "cheese" and then says "more, cheese?" Cheap entertainment I suppose. When I ask Paige a question, she will sometimes tap her lips with a finger and say, "hmmmmm" as if she is making a huge decision. Paige likes to dance, but only to Kesha's "Die Young." Don't ask me why, but she loves to groove to that song.  We have tried to record it, but it isn't easy. She isn't one for an audience. A few days ago,  I got her all dressed for the day, Paige told me she was "so cute."  I had to agree with her on that one! I love her, even though she can be pretty difficult at times, she will give me a hug, a kiss, or a little pat and it is all forgotten. She likes me to rest my head on her lap and she will rub or pat my head. If I try to get up, she tells me "more" and pushes my head back down. I love when she shows affection, emotion, and concern. Paige is really turning into a big girl. Mark and I are so blessed to have her in our home. She keeps us young and on our toes.



This little turkey loves glasses. She is constantly stealing them from our nightstands. I don't know how she even sees with my glass bottles on.

Paige has a slight obsession with shoes, especially boots. The DC's were her choice this morning and I was impressed she got them on the right feet. She is actually saying "cheese" in all these pictures.

Silly girl!

Loves my headbands. I came downstairs to find she had fixed her own hair and figured out how to climb up the chairs and onto the table. I have been lucky it has taken her this long to discover she could get up there.

These are clean clothes, from her drawers. I had an even better surprise when I got to her room. Half of her drawers on the floor, the other half in the dirty clothes basket. Amazing how fast they can be destructive.

Another "cheese" moment. It cracks me up.

I love when she sits long enough for me to pull her hair all up. It is getting long again, and a little thicker. She is really starting to look grown-up!

 

This is becoming a long and boring post, but I have had a few things weighing on my mind lately. I have so much to be grateful for, and I feel so blessed, so it is frustrating to feel discouraged about things. I was really hoping to be out of this rental by now and "home" for the holidays. All my stuff is in storage, and with Paige getting older, I wanted to be doing home type things instead of the crazy, hectic mess things are right now. Limbo is a terrible place to reside. One of Paige's favorite words is "mess" and it's no wonder considering how much I say it. Sometimes everything just feels like a mess. I know it runs deeper than the new house, or this house(even though this house really is a mess), or any "things." My birthday comes and goes, and I get older and it's hard for me---for a lot of reasons. I always thought that having Paige would cure me of the infertility woes. I scoffed during adoption classes that said over and over that adoption wasn't a cure all. How could you still be sad when you finally have a child?  And it is true, for a long time I had a baby and it was fine, I didn't think about it. But Paige is almost 2,  I am almost 30. Windows feel like they are closing, whether they really are or not, they feel that way. I get asked all the time when we are going to have another baby, and it frustrates me. I wish I had any control over the situation. I wish I knew how, or when, or what to do in any way. This time around feels even more discouraging because I simply don't know what to do. I do know that I am scared. I am scared to go through the same things I went through for years before Paige came along. It was hurtful in a lot of ways and to do all that and take care of Paige sounds daunting. We are totally open to another adoption but we aren't able to go the same route we went through last time. I don't know when or how or if or what we can do, or what the right thing to do is. I know what I want to have happen, but I don't know how to get there. It's hard not to have any idea about what to do. I do feel very blessed to have Paige and I am so grateful to have our little family. I may have to learn that this may be it for us, but I hope not. I would love  Paige to have a sibling. I hate being baby hungry, seriously one of the worst feelings ever!

 

In addition to all those feelings, Paige's birthday is a serious time of reflection for me. Every single day I think about what it felt like 2 years ago, I think about Paige's birth mom and how much we love her and miss her and her family. Times goes by and we all change and get older and move on a bit, which is so great. I wouldn't want it any other way. I just don't want to forget any of those feelings, emotions, or events. I don't want them to forget how much we love them, think about them, and are grateful for them. Enough of my ramblings. We have lots to be thankful for and I am excited for the next few weeks. I am sure things will be busy if anything, and I have learned busy is good!

Is that progress I see?

These crappy phone pictures do little justice, let's just say I am RELIEVED that my months of paint research have paid off. I snuck a peak last night, right before dark, and had a freak out moment. It was not anything like I pictured it being. When I saw it today, at noon, completely dry, I changed my other mind and fell in love. Yes---it is dark, and yes----that is on purpose! Honestly, when you walk in the room, it feels crisp and cozy. It will look amazing with my floors, built-ins, mantle and decor. I like my blue more each time I see it. I was shocked at how blue it was at first, but it looks so clean and fresh. It contrasts great with the dark color. All the rooms are the same, except for Mark's office which is one shade lighter. The blue is same in all the other rooms.

Front room to kitchen

2nd bedroom

 Hallway to bedrooms and bathroom on the left

1st bedroom

Entry and doors to Mark's office

1st bedroom looking into hallway and main living room

Standing at the edge of the kitchen looking into living room and hallway to bedrooms

Bonus bedroom

Kitchen--this wall will mostly be covered in cabinets, but it shows how silver my blue looks in certain light.



Mark's office color is gorgeous, I almost wonder if I should have carried through into other rooms. I think with his manly wood floors and chocolate glazed cabinets, this room will be very regal.

Looking straight into the office

Corner of the office. This color changes a lot depending on the light

LOVE my siding color. I can't wait to see it on the front where I have lots more white trim and rock.

The smaller garage  door on the backside--it matches the doors on the front.

The entire back of the house is finished now, and with the white corners and trim, it looks amazing. I was so stuck on doing a dark red, but am glad Mark insisted on the grey. It looks unbelievable. He gets all the credit on this one!

Perhaps the cutest scarecrow that ever walked the Earth

She and Grandpa have a pretty special relationship. She loves her Grandpa so much, and I am pretty sure the feeling is mutual. The other day she wanted him to play with her. She said, " 'Mon Boppa, run!" For some reasom her "c'mon" drops the C.

We had to keep giving her suckers so she would leave the hat alone. Mark and I went to raid her candy bag, and apparently the candy givers allowed Paige to pick out what she wanted. Her entire bag is suckers. Nothing worth stealing that's for sure!

Honestly?!!