May and More

I can't believe it is May already, and almost over at that! Unfortunately, I find life very similar to how we left it last time. Fortunately, it has been nicer on occasion and we have been able to get outside and do things. I can't tell you how much happier we all are when we are out and about. Paige says it best when she screams and claws her way out of my arms when I try to bring her back inside. Quite frankly, I don't blame her. I would rather be outside than inside right now too! My attitude and outlook is so much happier when the weather is good and we are accomplishing things. In the past few weeks we have gone from on the brink of starting our home, to scrapping plans and starting over. Hopefully, it won't set us clear back to the beginning, and maybe, just maybe, by June we shall see movement. I do know that the current track feels the most right, and hopefully right means smooth. Mark has been busy playing farm. He won't appreciate that reference, and I know someday I will be grateful for his efforts, but he seems to get busier and busier, and once in awhile I wish I could get him to hold still and enjoy the moment, or get that excited about some other things I like to rank higher on the list. Yesterday, Mark took my usual helper and she had a great time. Paige definitely loves her dad the most.  I was waiting for him to call with a disaster on his hands. He forgot treats, sunscreen, diapers, the works. I was sure she would be ornery and tired and a handful as he drug her all over the place for hours. I was sure wrong. I must bring out the best in her. On Paige's ranking list, I pretty much land behind Grandma, Grandpa, and Dad. I would be even further down, but she doesn't get out too much. If there are kids involved, she prefers them over me as well. Or cats, she likes them better too. Oh, and balls, she likes to throw, bounce, kick, hold, and roll them more than she wants to be with me.

As far as my own sanity, I have gotten out to run a bit which I hate, but it does help me feel better about myself for some reason. I have had a few anxiety freak out moments this month over some silly, yet not entirely silly things. I can just blow anything out of proportion and fret about it for days. This month was no exception as I have become convinced I will die of skin cancer. It might possibly happen, but at least I have felt peace knowing there isn't too much I can do about that now. Too much time alone with my thoughts is basically a recipe for disaster and I am still trying to figure out how to love myself. I heard a quote twice recently from our stake president, I figure if I heard it twice in one day it must be important. It went something on the lines of "it is easier to teach a boy or girl then it is to fix a broken man or a broken woman" How true! I think of habits and feelings I developed as a youth that I am still dealing with. I think of how easy it is as a teenager to think our decisions and choices don't matter, but I am making similar decisions and choices today that I started back then. I am a wife and mother now, my trivial problems are no longer a main priority--Mark and Paige should be my priority. I don't want Paige to pick up my insecurities. I want her to learn from the beginning how to love herself, be happy with who she is, and strive hard each day to be a good human being. If I can teach her that in the beginning, hopefully she will avoid feeling "broken" someday. Instead, she will be confident in who she is and spend most of her time looking outward and benefiting those around her. Enough of that, I hope I can just continue to improve myself and learn that life really isn't a race, and comparing myself to others is, and always will be just a bad idea!

Paige is delightful. She makes me smile each and every day. I find her so amusing.  I think she is the funniest, quirkiest, most animated little thing ever, but it is probably just a characteristic of children in general. This is good since she also has quite the attitude and I need her to make me smile for both our sakes some days:) She is saying more words all the time and could probably say just about anything if she cared enough to. I have heard her say a few words once and only once kitty, daddy, grandpa, and amen. These have come out clear as a bell and have since vanished. I do get meow, dada, and sometimes an attempt at grandpa or grandma. A few regulars include more, ball, stuck, baby, and mom. Paige loves music, she claps when she hears the organ, maybe because it cues the end of sacrament meeting. She can effectively do actions to Popcorn Popping and the Itsy Bitsy Spider. Our favorite is when she wags her finger at "it wasn't really so". She has transferred that motion to the dog and I see it once in awhile if she is displeased with her. The other day, Grandma patted the beat of a song on her thighs, Paige thought it was a pretty great dance move and repeats it if she hears a good dancing song. She loves "Bubble Guppies" and watches as she drinks her morning bottle on her pillow pet. It is a pretty strict routine--probably not the greatest one, but "Bubble Guppies" allows me to do her hair, pick up the house, and even treat myself to a shower.

Paige is a serious creature of habit and she will become fascinated by simple items or routines. When we go outside, she points at the dog, then the 4-wheeler. When she wakes up, she says hello to all the babies pictured on our collection of diaper boxes (saving in hopes of actually moving someday). At Grandma's, she likes to get into the cupboards to find her special dishes, and Grandpa's cupboards to find his contact solution. The list could go on, but I will spare you.  Paige loves the 4 wheeler and all things outdoors. She is quite fascinated with the hose and her first job has been to give the dog fresh water. Paige observes and imitates what she sees and thinks she is all grown up. Mostly, Paige is just getting big and leaving the baby days behind her----so bittersweet! And now the moment all 10 (if that) of my blog readers are waiting for, picture overload!

 Easter Sunday....she looked so cute but was not as excited as I hoped about her first "official" basket with actual candy.

Watching Bubble Guppies--notice the

pillow pet behind her. She is completely enthralled and I was able to experiment with her hair which has gotten quite long. I was able to put it all up into pigtails that lasted for maybe an hour.

 Random picture of her hat phase. Mark always has a hat on, and she won't keep one on, but wants to try one out now and then. I just like that she rocks the onsie with pride in this picture.

Classic Paige, complete with Grandpa's contact solution and hat. This sadly, is one of my old hats from the days when I wanted to be a little boy. It is one ugly hat. She sported it for a good hour before she grew tired of it.

First introduction to the hose on the first warm day of the year.

Realizing how cool the hose actually is when it is turned on. She was filling up the dog's water bowl when she spilled on her hand which grabbed her attention for a good while.

We have graduated to a forward facing carseat. I have a love/hate relationship with this change. She does better when she can see outside, but she can also see us and wants constant entertainment. She also can't sleep in it comfortably, they are a huge pain to get in and out, and I have yet to find a harness I don't want to curse when it comes to tightening it.

Before BJ left to New York, we had some wonderful weather and took advantage by feeding the ducks. Paige is a fickle eater and usually won't eat bread. We took stale rolls out to the ducks, but Paige snarfed them down rather than actually feeding the ducks. Go figure.

The girl can't figure out a sippy cup, but loves her some stale water from the spray bottle

Just a random picture. I rarely let her wear her hair down, but it is getting so long and outta control! 

Paige has a SERIOUS obsession with ranch. It may be genetic, but if given the oppurtunity, she will eat straight ranch. All food items only serve as a vehicle for ranch. She will dip any and all things in ranch: chocolate, cereal, fruit, fingers, anything. She will also suck all the ranch off and then fish out of her mouth whatever I was disguising in ranch and give it back to me. Yum.

Paige and Big Sam. Big Sam is a long time family member that some of us love and some of us hate. Paige happens to join those who love.

The 4-wheeler, the one obession that puts all others to shame. Paige adores the 4-wheeler and wonders why we can't drive it everywhere. She freaks when she sees it, hears it, thinks about it, whatever. She would ride on it for hours if she could. If you aren't careful, she will shift up or down when you aren't ready. She can also turn the key. No matter how great the ride, she will flip out when it is over. I told Mark we need to get horses so this obsession can transfer to a much cooler mode of transportation.

Mark had his first kidney stone this month and was pretty sure he was going to die. I think as he was moaning on the bathroom floor, he almost wished the cancer back in exchange. I have never seen him so miserable ever, and I have seen him pretty miserable. It is hard to be 80 and trapped in a 30 year olds body. After it moved to his bladder and he threw up all the morphine, he felt pretty good. We are wondering if he passed it or if he still has that to look forward to. Hopefully I will post more often to avoid long and overdue posts, and with that let's hope some things start moving along so I can have something to post about.