A Different Patient

Being the excellent nurse that I am....ahem, I often get frustrated with my patients. I get after Mark once in awhile for not being a better patient. He has been better recently, very low maintenance. He still isn't very good about telling me what he wants or needs until desperation sets in. His biggest complaint is getting hungry. If it is not satisfied immediately, Mark gets sick and irritable. It appears to be a manageable problem, except that he can never decide what he wants to eat or what he wants me to make. I feel we have a daily dinner argument that usually results in him cooking a hot dog on the bbq. I think we are grateful for warmer weather that allows for grilling.

Mark received his 6th cycle of chemotherapy today. Two more to go. It is crazy to think how close we are to being done. He was not very excited about going today. The first words he uttered, "I don't want to go today." That is the kind of communication that I am looking for! Knowing today could have been the last had it not been in his bone marrow was a little frustrating for him. I know that I am not the one enduring treatment, but I am grateful he has two more. Lets take it all down at once. I am fearful of the future a little bit. I have nightmares of resurgence. I am pretty good now at dealing with the present. Overall, today went well. I, however, missed most of it. As one patient gets better, another, more difficult one has emerged.

I am nervous about sharing this next story for two reasons. The first, having the rest of you laugh at me because, yes my dog at the moment is my child. For those of you with actual children, or who do not love animals with the same zeal, I will probably look pretty silly. The second has to do with the good people on the other side of this unfortunate incident. They have been really great and I don't want to paint them as villains. They have been wonderfully concerned and helpful, accepting responsibility. There are no winners that's for sure.

My sweet golden retriever and I were on a walk Tuesday night, and got attacked by a pretty big dog. It was pretty terrifying, and I handled with the greatest of hysterics. I am realizing that I am not great at emergencies--really glad I didn't choose to be an ambulance person or something of that nature. I had Roxy leashed and we were walking home when this angry dog comes flying from the backyard of a house across the street. I knew he was more interested in Roxy than me. She is the most timid, loving dog out there and I knew she was in trouble. I stuck her behind me to shield her and yell at the other dog. It didn't phase him at all. He went through me, and immediately took Roxy down. I felt sheer panic as I tried everything to get that dog off mine. Roxy screamed, the other dog shook. I was feeling pretty helpless at the moment and was sure my dog was going to die as I stood and watched. Fortunately, the owner was in his yard and got to us pretty quickly to restrain his dog. Roxy was hurt, I was emotional, and we headed home. To top it all off, I was already late picking up Mark from the airport. He had been in Dallas on business (yes, he is feeling that well!). I didn't have time to inspect her or gather my senses before I rushed down to get Mark.

When we got home, we found a mess. The wounds were deep and she was very sore, unwilling to walk. I cleaned her up and sat with her until morning. Roxy spent most of Wednesday at the vet getting stitched up from the inside out. I am happy to report that she is doing well. I am still not totally at peace despite the fact she has done very well today, even walking. She is at a high risk for infection and currently has a drain in place. She has to be watched constantly to make sure she isn't pulling it out, licking it, and not being too active. So, now I am playing nurse to a dog. Like Mark, she doesn't communicate all that well, but she is pretty sure she wants to eat dog food for breakfast and dinner. She can't read her instruction sheet or take her medications on her own, but Mark isn't very good at that either. I have to read the bottles to him too. When unsupervised, Roxy gets to wear this:

I thought these only existed in movies. She isn't to fond of "the cone of shame" and I can't say that I blame her. I have had a few laughs at her expense, she doesn't seem to understand the radius of the cone. She constantly scares herself by running into the walls or doors. I felt pretty bad for her when I saw her trying to drink with it on; the cone hit the floor and her mouth was a good few inches from the bowl. I have kept a close eye on her to minimize cone use, I feel like she has suffered enough. This picture doesn't give it justice, but does give you a sense of why she acts a little sore:

This picture refuses to center--sorry. Anyway, the drain you can see is just above her elbow. She has a few puncture wounds underneath the armpit. Around the drain is still open wound, we hope that can be closed Monday. Like I said, the picture doesn't give it justice. She definitely took one for the team. It is pretty cliche, but Roxy is my best friend and a loyal companion. The night of Mark's diagnosis, Roxy knew something was wrong and wouldn't leave my side. She was there when I just needed a good cry and some comfort. I hate to see my friends hurt.

Sorry for those of you wanting to see pictures of Mark. He was by far the boring patient this week. He is feeling great, even decided to get some dirt moved out in the garden tonight. I tried to convince him that it had rained all day and the dirt was mud, but he wants it all ready for planting. I wonder who he thinks will eat all those vegetables. Roxy and I are pretty much anti-vegetable. My dad suggested putting the cone on Mark to see if it would slow him down--not a bad idea.

In closing, hopefully this post is long and exciting enough to make up for the fact I forgot to blog for two weeks. I didn't notice it had been that long until I got on to post this one. I will try to conjure up more excitement and write more frequently. I hope it is good excitement. This sick and afflicted stuff is getting old. Now that our part of the adoption process is officially over, I hope the next news we hear in that regard is much happier than what we have been dealing with. We continue to appreciate the love and support, the kind words, and comments.

New Balance

I like to pretend I am a runner. I am one of those runners who have a love/hate relationship with the sport. I love when I am done, I hate when it is on the "to do" list. I also run to finish, not to win. I like to plod around and hack out a few miles and if it takes me twice as long as others, I usually feel ok about that. I remember when I ran my first marathon, I was warming up at the starting line with an elderly man in a full back brace. I got a little nervous about receiving the beatdown from him, and that was the most pressure I have put on myself in a race---"don't finish last, don't let the guy in traction beat me."

When Mark got sick, I decided it would be cool to do another marathon and to do it for a purpose. I am only a few weeks into training, and I don't know if "cool" is the word I would use to describe it anymore. I don't remember it being this laborious and painful the first time around. I can only remember how good it felt to say I had actually finished it. I must have selective memory. I have learned one thing from running, shoes matter! Shoes can make or break me, my body doesn't love the strain running puts on it, but it is bearable with a good pair of shoes. I always try to wear my old ones too long, and I always regret it. This year was no different. My joints were killing me as I trudged in my heavily worn, but rather attractive shoes. I should care more about performance than appearance, but I am a girl, and I do have a slight matching fetish. I swore to myself a long time ago that I would never own a pair of New Balances because they are ugly and have this huge "N" on the side of the shoe. They couldn't come up with a better logo? Didn't some kid come up with the Nike swoosh? Aren't there people whose job it is to brand things? Really, the best you could come up with is a huge "N"? Alas, here are my new shoes:

I hate to say it, but I love them. They are incredibly comfortable and my hips are so glad.  As I stared at the unfortunate branding the other night, I decided this is exactly what Mark and I are trying to do with our lives, we are trying to find a "new balance." I feel like the last few months have gone so fast. Our lives flipped upside down, but it is now finding itself back on track, in balance. There is a definite light at the end of this tunnel. However, I don't think it will ever officially leave. Mark and I are different now. Our home visit is this next week, and it might change our lives more so than anything else we have ever had to deal with yet. I go back to work soon and it feels like obstacles are flying from every direction. I hope that whatever happens in the next few months, Mark and I are able to figure out how to maintain balance in our lives, a good "new balance."

Mark had his fifth cycle of chemotherapy yesterday.  He is officially on the downhill slide. We are so grateful to have a clinic here that can provide Mark with everything he needs. Mark gets treated right in the clinic. Here is a picture of the room:

We are quite partial to the corner chair. It is ours, we have to have it each time. It is amazing that most days, all these chairs are filled. There is a whole row of chairs on the other side of the room as well. We love to meet people as they come and go. Everyone's treatment is different, and some people aren't there as long as others. Mark seems like he is there all day, and we have gotten to meet a lot of people that way. His body is used to the medication now, and yesterday the infusions went the quickest yet. We got there at 9, and left a little before 3. Not bad considering the first time we went I thought we were going to have to spend the night. Mark's in his spot, chatting with our rockstar nurse. We love her!

Mark wanted me to take a picture of his port in use. Perhaps to prove that he really doesn't have a third nipple and it really is a port. I secretly think he wanted to show off the amazing figure. Ok, it actually is pretty cool how convenient the port is. They connect this to the IV drip and he sleeps while everything else does all the work.

I know that I have not been posting as frequently. Take it as good news, our lives are truly kind of boring day to day. Pretty normal stuff, which I am trying to learn to appreciate better. Once again, thank you all for thinking of us and keeping tabs on us. We have had a wonderful outpouring from family, friends, and even strangers. Mark and I feel insignificantly important. We are just two regular people who have seen some pretty amazing things and have been greatly blessed by a loving Heavenly Father. He loves us, is mindful of us, and we are important to Him. I hope we can do our part in return.

Near Complete Resolution

How awesome are those words? Mark's body loves chemotherapy. As thought, he has responded unbelievably to treatment and his PET scan came back as clean as a scan could. In fact, had he not have had a positive bone marrow biopsy, we would have been done. His scan looked completely normal. I think the word the doctor used was "boring." Mark and I are back to being boring people!  He will continue to have 8 total treatments, so 4 more, but only to ensure that it won't come back. There wasn't even residual scar tissue really, so at this point, radiation therapy might not have to happen after all!

It was bizarre to see the before and after pictures, I wish I had them and I would post them. That ugly, massive, "blob of evilness" (that was what my friend called it the other day, and I loved it!) is gone. It grew in a matter of weeks, and just as fast, faded away into history. Miracles have not ceased, fasting and prayers are answered, and modern medicine is incredible. I want to thank you all for your fasting, prayers, and faith. Mark's progress is a direct result of it I am sure. I feel like our lives might actually be normal again, sooner rather than later. Our cancer card has an expiration date! We better start using it more:)

If that news wasn't happy enough, here is another dose of joy. Our home visit is now scheduled and is right around the corner. That is our official last step in our adoption home study. After that, we will hopefully be approved for adoption. That is the best news of all. Mark will be dad, I will be a mom. does it get any better than that? I hope we aren't viewed as damaged goods, we will just show them the after pictures!

I am so happy right now that I am only slightly upset that it is snowing outside. I am also really glad that today was no April Fool's joke. It is nice to get some good news and positivity happening.