Gratitude

Tonight, Paige and I spent some time alone together, walking the greenbelt. I was overwhelmed with gratitude as I spent an hour talking with this sweet little girl I get to call mine. I have worked pretty hard to ensure that when you ask her who her best friend is, she says "Mom." I also make sure she knows my answer to the same question is "Paige." We then exclaim we are best friends....and you know what? We ARE! There are days that are long and hard, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. She is my bright spot, my world, my miracle. I know I am biased, but I think she is the most beautiful little girl in the entire world. I adore her, she is beyond special. I can't believe I get to be her mom.

 

She really wanted to pet the ducks and geese. Paige asked them multiple times if they were happy. I promised her they were the happiest birds out there.

 

This girl loves to shop. She isn't quite an endurance shopper yet, but she knows what she wants when she sees it. These boots were an instant hit. She had to have them, and she had to wear them out of the store. We did get a fabulous sale price so it was an easy yes!

Paige talks... a lot! She talks really well and for the most part, I can catch every word. She is funny and full of sass (like seriously you have no idea, how she can be so sweet and sassy confuses me). A few of her favorite things to say recently: "I am too tired." She says this if I ask her to do anything she doesn't want to do, from eating to taking off her shoes. Any adult male is a  "big guy" and she likes to say "that's my Dad" or "that's my Mom." When I ask her if she is my baby, she says "No, I'm Paige." Sigh. that one makes me sad. Paige loves shows. I have created a monster and I am totally to blame. I bought a DVD that has 'Yo Gabba Gabba" on it, and she watches it over and over again in the car. She is obsessed. There is a silly song they sing about times to be quiet and times to be loud. When I woke her up for church from a seriously deep sleep, she jumped up and with drool on her face, immediately sang "loud, loud, LOUD!" Apparently she dreams about this show! Once in a while she will say something totally random and I have no idea where it comes from. The other day in the car she randomly said, "Mom, an owl says hooo, hoo, hoo." Yes, yes it does.

Paige tells me that everything I feed her is "gross." She will also tell me she needs to go potty, while she is messing her shorts. She still has no desire to potty train, and is stubborn enough that when we try, she will sit on the toilet and hold it....for like 45 minutes. She likes to help me do laundry and vacuum, but really loves to feed Roxy and Boots. She takes this chore very seriously. She fills their bowls, then demands that they eat. Anyone catching the irony?

I can't describe how lucky and blessed I feel to have Paige in our home. She truly is our miracle baby. I tell her that, I tell anyone that asks about her that. I still can't make sense of it sometimes. It doesn't seem possible that I have the most wonderful child who came from the most wonderful birth family. I think working through the process again, I am realizing more and more that we are SO BLESSED. Thank you, thank you, thank you, my angel Olivia. Thank you for being you, thank you for being a part of our lives, thank you for being amazing, and thank you for giving me the most priceless gift. Paige is amazing. She is strong, beautiful, loving, and oh so much like you! And Melissa, thank you for all you do for us. Thank you for being so much more than a friend. Thank you for letting us be a part of your lives. Thank you for being family. We love you all!

Ups and Downs

Life has been pretty hectic around these parts. All self inflicted. I feel like I am slowly becoming a smart phone addict. It was only a few months ago I was fighting against a phone upgrade, and maybe I should have fought harder! The iPhone battery cannot keep up with demand. Between the forums I have joined ( I really want to spell that word with an "n" on the end, why? For my own joy I wish I could use my only spelling rules on my personal blog....anyways...) and the emails I have sent out, I check in like every ten minutes. So unnecessary and really annoying to anyone around me I am sure. I have felt anxious and unsettled all week and I feel at any minute I am going to get great or terrible news delivered to my inbox. I keep thinking I need to step back from my adoption networking and let things be, and then someone in the forum posts a great situation lead, or they post about their wonderful match or their wonderful new baby. On one hand I am so happy for people, on the other hand I am so jealous of people! I know I need to be more patient, but why is it so hard!? I was reading my own past posts last night and it was awful. First, Paige was like a baby. Seriously, how does she look so different in 6 months? Or last summer when she was 1.5, she was a baby. I miss it. I keep thinking we are so new in our adoption journey, until I read about my baby hungry self last summer---and I still had a baby around! Let's be honest though, a baby last summer would have sent me to the loony bin. Maybe it still isn't the right time yet and my plan and His plan are going to have to figure out each other. ...meaning mine is going to have to change for the undoubtedly better one. Sometimes it's hard to let go and trust in that, even though I know it's the right thing to do.

My FB status the other day alluded to my inability to make decisions, even small ones regarding what I want to eat, or what candy bar I should buy. Well I learned a tough lesson last week. If you stand around too long deciding what candy bar to choose, someone else knows a good thing when they see it and will eat all the candy bars for you. Decision made. Paige and I have had swimming lessons the last two weeks, during our gym time, so exercise has taken a serious hit, but I was able to squeeze a workout in the other day. It's a great time for me in a lot of ways. I usually listen to General Conference while I exercise, and I feel like it's a spiritual and physical boost for me. Anyway, I was listening to President Monson's talk from last October. He spoke about the Lord being in the details of our lives, that there are no coincidences, and that we need to listen to promptings and act on them when they happen. I just cried. Last week I really feel like I had some signs, promptings and "coincidences" and while I sat there trying decide what to do, someone made the decision for me. I was too late. I missed out---we missed out. I am hoping that wasn't our only chance at a miracle, but I know it has made my emotions this week all over the place.

Paige and I have really enjoyed swim class. It is only about 30 minutes, but has successfully made anything else going on that day impossible. Swimming is a lot of work! It ended yesterday, and I look forward to having my days back, but I am really glad we did it. Paige seemed to improve her comfort level in the water, and I learned another valuable lesson. Even though I can teach her piano, or violin, or to swim, I will pay someone else to do it.  When I taught swimming lessons, I was more patient with other people's kids. When Paige freaks out about not wanting to float on her back, I am not nice. Not nearly as patient as I was with my students, well most of them;)  I just want to tell her to suck it up and float on her back dang it! I can only imagine what teaching her piano would be like.....we would not be friends.

 

Paige was pretty much the oldest in the class, but she wasn't old enough to be in the actual pre-school class. We felt like the awkward middles.

 

My little brother has been in town for the week in between semesters. It has been really fun having him around. He will be doing an internship in NYC this fall, he is a city loving boy and this will be the second time has lived in the Big Apple. The kid is a dreamer, but he makes it happen and makes it all a reality. I wish I had a bit more dreamer in me. I was always too scared, or too realistic or something. I feel like I missed out and definitely limited my own possibilities. Oh to be young and ambitious! Live it up while it lasts! We hit up our favorite lunch spot and Paige watched Jay and I eat. How does she live? Anyway, super cute picture of the two of them.

 

 

My poor sweet grandma fell and broke her hip about a week ago. She is the sweetest lady on the planet, but always seems to draw the short straw. She hasn't felt good for awhile, and I am sure a broken hip isn't going to help that out at all. Grandma truly is the most patient and kind person I know. And when I say patient.....I mean the type of patience angels are made from. Love her. Having experienced a small break, I can't imagine the amount of pain this lady is in, and she had to have a big 'ole rod and pins. Needless to say, she will be in a rehab facility for awhile. The three of us stopped by after our lunch date. Paige found a friend in Grandpa and snuggled up for a good ten minutes. My Grandpa is a loving guy, but not in the affectionate, obvious way. Growing up, if  he made fun of you, you knew he loved you. He's grown a bit softer with age, and he kind of loves "the cute little shit"  I bring with me. (totally Grandpa for ya, I hear this every time I see him, sorry if it offends!)The picture kind of melts me a bit. My dad is fairly certain Paige was reminded of him as she snuggled with HIS dad.

 

The physical therapist was very kind and patient even though he had an audience. He let Paige help Grandma do her therapy. Paige thought putting those colored pegs in was the best game ever. Wonder if Grandma felt it was.....I am sure she enjoyed it more having the cutest assistant ever! I love these two. I feel blessed to live close enough to see them regularly, I need to make it happen more. Time is catching up, and there will come a day when visiting at the kitchen table will be a memory I wish I had more of.

 

Freedom!

Can somebody slow time down? Goodness the days are moving fast. I have had so much fun lately, most of it involving horseback riding. Last week I ditched my normal riding partner (Mark) and went with my good friend Beth. She essentially acted as my ranch hand. She picked me up, trailered my horse, saddled my horse, bridled my horse, the works. First class service I tell you! I had the best time though (no offense Mark). It was so leisurely and a whole lot of talking went on. Saturday was clean the house catch up day. I worked while Mark went for a motorcycle ride. He rewarded me with another horse ride that night though, so it worked out. We went to a friends arena which is always a good time. I am able to work on things that aren't possible on a trail type ride. Tucker is unbelievable in the arena, and Paige rides him herself in there. She loves it and thinks she is a pretty big deal. She requested a rope as she rode. Silly girl. Tucker puts his head down and follows me as I walk around the arena. Paige holds the reins and is certain she is in control.

Sunday we took a drive and checked out some of the local waterfalls. It was a nice little family excursion. We tried our best at a family "selfie"-----not easy I tell ya!

 

I am holding Paige, leaning in for the shot, and looking twenty years older than I am. At least you can't see the awesome complexion I am rocking. The wrinkles are distracting from the acne and melasma. How do I get so lucky to have the skin of a 14 year old and a 65 year old? And we weren't able to catch the waterfall in there, but at least no ones head is chopped off! Mark had Paige on his shoulders as he peered over the guardrail. Let's talk about over protective mommy. I was freaking. I was having all sorts of mental pictures of Paige tumbling over the cliff. Mark was not concerned and laughed at me. Maybe I'm a nervous nelly, but seriously someone has to be on my side!

 

 

Monday was the big day, the day the smelly cast and I parted ways. The freedom and excitement of the experience was shattered as I realized how uncomfortable that freedom is after 6 weeks of confinement. Apparently, only half of the break has healed. I have one side that is still completely cracked, and honestly there is a fairly substantial gapping. The doctor didn't seem too concerned, besides giving me a brace to wear when I do anything active. I find it a bit unsettling. In summary, it is still broke but I am to act like it isn't.  I have about 30 degrees of movement, it is so stiff. I am to improve that or face physical therapy. Trying to move past that isn't easy. Paige and I have been doing Mommy 'n Me swim class and it is both fun and torturous. I am constantly lifting and catching her and it is beyond uncomfortable. Maybe one of these times I will catch her and it will either snap into full motion, or just help that crack along.

 

 

Saying goodbye to the bacteria farm.

 

The withered limb. Washing my hands fully was a joy. Once I got all the dead skin off, I had a pretty cool tan line. This wrist is actually bigger than my left now, not smaller, so withered might be the wrong word.

 

 

Boots is a little bipolar. She can be very friendly, or very----not. Paige shared her chalk which seemed to please the cat, and the cat even allowed Paige to decorate her a bit.

 

Mark is always giving Paige a ride on his shoulders, I caught her doing this with her baby doll the other day. Too funny, but also slightly scary as that baby glares into the camera with the sinister smile. Why do baby dolls appear so creepy sometimes?

 

 

I have spent the remainder of this week adoption networking as much as possible and talking to a million attorneys it seems like. It is a rollercoaster and there are things that give me hope, and things that discourage me. I have become a skeptic and I am forever fearful of scams or dishonesty or losing lots of money due to a disruption. It is scary to trust strangers in different states. I have been trying to talk with them to get their program details, and then I spend hours looking for references and checking licenses, and hoping they are who they say they are. I do feel like being proactive has helped me feel in control at least a little. In adoption, it often feels like you have no control or say. You are at the mercy of so many others, and it is one of the hardest things. You are often trusting complete strangers with your heart, your emotions, and your money. Sadly, there are so many stories of people more than willing to take advantage of desperate families. But, I have come across some new avenues and things I haven't considered before, and I have lots of leads. I have learned a lot too which is never a bad thing.  I feel hopeful and so we forge on! 



 

 

Moving Fast, and Trying to Keep Up!

 

August is knocking on the door and I can't believe fall is around the corner. I just don't feel ready to give up my summer yet. I'm already anxious about all the cold months ahead. I'm hoping to cram as much as possible into the next month or so before that first morning you get up and can smell autumn in the air. We continue to be on the go and it's great. Keeping busy is the key to my sanity. I've gotten used to the cast, and it doesn't slow me down much anymore. It comes off on Monday, and though I am looking forward to washing my hair with two hands, I am a little nervous. I'm sure it will be awhile before it feels normal again. At least with the cast on I expect it to be annoying. Paige and I will be doing swimming lessons later that same day, and I look forward to being a participant rather than a spectator for the first time in weeks!

 

After downloading all the pictures from my phone, I came across a few oldies but goodies.

 

 

After breaking my expensive, prescription glasses, Paige found the cheap shades. I felt it was a fair compromise, and she was just so happy.

 

 

My child doesn't eat. She won't try new things, has about 5 things she will eat consistently, (none of which are exceptionally healthy) and she spits things out exclaiming they are gross. Enter the smoothie, mom's best weapon. I've been sneaking spinach in these bad boys and Paige still downs the glass. I feel so triumphant! I did learn the hard way that no bib protects against the deep, dark shade of berry. Certain flavors are now enjoyed diaper only!

 

Lest you think Paige goes naked all day, everyday, getting her in and out of her wet swimsuit in the cast is one thing that continues to be annoying. The pool was losing its pizzazz so I had to get a little creative and added some bubbles. They seemed to keep her entertained for at least 10 more minutes. I also felt by dousing the pool, the toys, and the kid in soapy bubbles, the poop from the previous post was bound to take a hit.

 

 

We've been blessed with some pretty cool skies lately. I am not sure it is the time of year, the fires, the super moon, or all of the above. They have provided some icing on the perfect summer night scene!

 

Moon rise out back

 

 

Sunset out front

 

I have been playing soccer again, and while I love being involved, it scares me to death! I am nervous the entire time, not to mention winded. After the break, I only missed a week of the gym before I got back to working out consistently. Of course I am stuck doing only cardio for the most part, but I felt like I was doing enough not to lose all my fitness. For some reason, everything is harder. What used to be a simple workout kills me at the moment. The first game back I thought I might die. It doesn't help that I am required to wrap and pad the cast so that it isn't considered "a weapon." I use Mark's old ACL wrap and by the time I get what covers his entire leg  around my forearm, it is HUGE. I then get to play an entire game, in the heat, with a 5lb blanketed club. Awesome.

 

 

Mark's nephew is headed out on a mission today, and last weekend was his farewell so we traveled over to Boise for some fun and family time. It was great! First, I love Boise. I think it is perfect. So much to do, quite a bit warmer, and home to some of my favorite people. We hit up the water park and I got to watch and eat Dippin Dot's while the rest of clan enjoyed the slides and pools in the triple digit heat. I was fairly jealous. It was nice to have an excuse not to hit up the scary stuff that as a kid I wouldn't have missed for the world. The older I get, the less brave I am. However, I feel the pressure not to be a wuss and to be the fun, young, daredevil gal I used to be. It creates all sorts of internal conflict. One positive about being the full time spectator is all the documentation. We never used to have any pictures, but right now that's all I'm good for!

 



 

Paige started out rough. She hates the splash park type stuff where kids run  around like crazy, fountains go off randomly, and buckets of water drop from the sky. Scares her to death. Mark saved the day by taking her on the designated kid slides---which she loved!

 

Didn't take her long to enjoy lounging on the tubes either. Her favorite is the lazy river.

 

After deciding the little kid slides weren't fast enough, Mark took her on this full sized, pitch black, tube slide. Paige loved it and went on it multiple times, yet still wouldn't walk through the splash pad. Go figure.

 

 

I can't believe Brennan is old enough to go on a mission. He was not even ten when Mark and I got married. He is quite a bit older than the rest of the cousins, and since he adores Mark, he spent a lot of time tagging along with us--especially when we didn't have any kids. Now that we do, he is the best cousin and is SO sweet to Paige. He is going to make some girl very lucky someday! In the meantime, he will be a fabulous missionary. I will miss him at all the family things. Never bad to have someone constantly entertaining Paige. He took Paige on quite a few dirt bike rides and let her jump into the pool to him about 4 dozen times.

 

In between all these events, we have been trying to get in as much horse riding as possible. I have been leery to talk much about Tucker after the whole Dee fiasco. In the end,  Dee the paint mare just was not working out. We had to send her back and the search was on for another horse. We found Tucker who is a reining show horse. He is gorgeous, so very broke, and so far has been a perfect fit for our family. He is in no way perfect and has had some issues we have had to work on, but he is so smart and learns so fast. He wants to listen and wants to be good. I have grown more confident with each ride and I am really starting to love this guy. I really didn't want things to end up like the did with Dee, so I was hesitant to view him as an official member of the family until a month or so went by and we could see if he would work out for us. So far so good. When it comes to safety and a good family horse, I am not willing to take any chances.

 

He is just so pretty, even while getting shoes.

 

FHE last Monday night at the Sand Dunes. I love riding on the sand. It works the horses like crazy and I feel a million times more confident riding out there. This was probably one of my favorite rides of the year!

 

 

We finally made some progress with LDS Family Services and we now have 2 home studies and an official profile on their site. I have yet to see much traffic on our profile, which leads me to believe that if we are lucky enough to adopt again, it will be because someone knows someone. I know I sound like a broken record, but please, please, PLEASE spread the word we are trying to adopt! Social media is a crazy powerful tool, so share away on Facebook, Twitter, whatever. We definitely need the help of our friends and family to get our profile out there for people to see. 

A Fun Weekend

I can't get enough of summer. I love it! I love being busy, spending time with family, and enjoying our favorite hobbies. Friday was a beautiful night. We went for a ride, and we finally have a horse that Paige can ride solo--well at least in the arena. I wish I had her confidence! She will be a better rider than I could ever dream of being, mostly because she has started young. She loves it and does so well. She loves to ride fast with Dad, and then loves to mosey slow by herself. We rode Saturday night as well, but down in the river bottoms. The bugs were bad, and it was my first time riding with the cast. Not easy, I was nervous, and my horse knew I was nervous. It wasn't my favorite ride. I need to gain that confidence back! I think I need this butt of mine to get saddle sore. I need more miles! Still getting used to the new horse, and it is a work in progress. Tucker is such a good boy, I just need to trust him more so he in turn trusts me.

On Saturday we went to a horse sale to window shop I guess. Our friends went and it was fun to watch them bid, and win on a beautiful new horse. Afterwards we hit up the Alpine Slide. Since I am still one handed, I let Mark and Paige enjoy this one on their own while I snapped pictures. Paige, true to  herself, had no fear. She told Mark on the chairlift she was flying.

Mark took the slow track and tried to take it easy. Paige said "faster" and "weeeeeee" the entire time. When they first pulled up, I asked Paige how it was. She said, "I wanna go again!" I guess that means it was good!

Adjusting Attitude

 

I recognize my last few posts have had the above tone to them. I wish I could say my attitude is always in check and I'm a sunshine-y type person at all times, but I am not. As much as I wish I could honestly be that way, I also truly believe in being honest. My blog is a real representation of our lives, and that includes some bad days and some less than proud moments. However, I also believe I need to improve---and can. I would love to be more patient, happier, and more optimistic overall. These are things I want to and need to work on. It hasn't been an easy month, and no nothing was seriously unbearable, I know it was much more dramatic due to my own making, and yes I feel pretty foolish knowing people have actual problems that seriously trump mine. We have had our fair share of some substantial life trials, and one lesson I learned from them is, they haven't exempted us from the smaller ones. Nothing we experienced in the last few weeks comes close to what we experienced a few years ago, but we still struggled and had to figure out how to deal with the small ones, that at the time, felt pretty big! In the last conference, Elder Holland gave such a wonderful talk about asserting the faith you do have first, rather than leading with your doubt. I look forward to all of his talks. He is a beautiful teacher and his lessons stick with me for a long time. He manages to discuss something I really need to work on. This last talk was no exception. I need to tackle situations with my best foot forward, even if at the time, there isn't much "best." Attitude, all about adjusting my attitude and outlook.

 

Paige has embraced being two, and while it is amazing to see how much she knows, watch her personality flourish, and laugh at what she says, it isn't without its challenges. I love that one moment she can sing songs with me and give me loves, and then throw an absolute fit about 5 seconds later. She can be a tough cookie. She has a strong willed little personality and quite the rebellious little spirit. These qualities seem to be directly at odds with how sensitive, loving, and happy she is. It's quite the dichotomy. Paige gave me the above death look after I woke her up from a nap. She was sleeping pretty late, and I didn't want to mess with bedtime. She was less than pleased with me and wasn't afraid to let me know it! She was pretty grumpy the entire day, even at the park. I was so tired by the end of the day and was looking forward to bedtime. Usually Mark rocks her at night, but she insisted on me doing it. Since we had been at odds most of the day, I was a little surprised by this and while I hate to admit it, I was looking forward to Mark doing it so I could have a few minutes alone. Paige wasn't having it, so I settled in for some stories, songs, and rocking. (We have the same routine before naps, so it isn't like I feel jilted nightly.)  Paige immediately snuggled up, gave me a kiss on the cheek, and stroked my face. She sang all the songs with me and we spent some special moments together. Moments I was willing to forfeit earlier, but moments I will now cherish forever. I love her and I am so grateful for her, and though I know I am bound to lose my cool with her again in the future, I hope I can learn to be more patient and understanding, taking the time to teach her and help her through her frustrations as well as my own. She has no desire to potty train despite my best efforts. I would love to force her into it, and have tried only to fail on an epic level. I think it's time to put it on the back burner and let her decide when she wants to do it.

 





Paige loves, loves, loves to swing. If you take her, you better be prepared for the long haul. She also has no fear. The higher, the faster, the better. Scares me to death! Life slowed down this weekend and we spent some good old fashioned downtime as a family. Interesting how much this buoyed my spirits. Happiness is sometimes so simple. Sunday we spent time at our friends, watching the kids play together. It was heavenly. Nothing big, just good food and good company. Rejuvenating!

This week for Family Home Evening, Mark and I pulled out all the stops. I was impressed with ourselves really. We had a song, a lesson complete with flannel board, and went out for a treat. While we usually have some sort of FHE, we aren't usually this organized. It was great. Paige really enjoyed putting the pictures up while I read the story about Jesus teaching at the temple. Afterwards, we jumped in the car, got ice cream, and ate it on the temple grounds. It was a gorgeous night. I haven't been to the temple in an embarrassing long time. It was so nice just being near it. Paige had such a great time, and loved talking to Mark about the angel on top. She said it was "Jesus' House" and we felt pretty successful for the night. It was one of those moments that you realized life is as good as you make, you are in charge of your happiness, and time is too short to waste.

It was a night of resolution. Goals were set, attitudes were adjusted, and the outlook is bright.



Crawling Along

It's been two weeks, but it feels like a lifetime. Each day seems to bring some sort of tragedy. I feel like Paige can sense the weak and smell blood in the water and is half child, half monster. I maybe a little less patient than usual, which means I am on the brink of madness at any given moment, but I seriously thought to myself the other day that her and I are on the same maturity level at the moment. It's embarrassing. I  have caught myself yelling at her not to yell. I think I've been the worst mom ever! Mark has been gone almost every day since the club came into my life, and it stinks. I went to the doctor yesterday for my first check up and left Paige with a friend. I sat in the waiting room and it felt like I was on vacation. I am to the point where I can do just about anything with minor discomfort, but everything takes me FOREVER. I have been close to getting poop on the cast, but so far so good. During church on Sunday I caught a whiff of a disturbing smell and inspected the casted hand a bit closer. Seriously yucky and all the skin on my palm was yellow, flaking, and disgusting. The callouses I used to have were falling off and the whole thing just reeked. I have a new appreciation for mothers who have casted children. I am pretty careful and try to keep things clean and orderly, and it is still just gross.

Like I said, Paige senses the weak and takes advantage of it daily. As I am carrying groceries with the good hand, I catch the look in her eye as she realizes I am helpless to catch her. Climbing out of her bed is an old trick, but about a month or so ago she figured out how to do doors. It's beyond annoying. She opens and closes doors all day long. One night I came downstairs to check on her only to discover this:

Cute, but not where I was hoping to find her. A few nights later, Mark and I put her down and went to sit on the porch to enjoy the sunset. I sent Mark in to check on the kid, and she wasn't anywhere to be found. He finally found her barefoot, headed out the garage to the horses. At that point the big guns came out and I put up the child door handles. I felt fairly triumphant----until the following night. Once again I went to check on my "sleeping" child at about 11:30. I found her slathering herself with an entire tub of Eucerin Heavy Cream. She was covered head to toe, and it was smeared into my new carpet. I am sure there was smoke coming out of my ears. She knew she was busted, and Mark saved her life. She cried and cried as Mark cleaned her up, and I cried and cried while I attempted to clean up my carpet. Eucerin is petroleum based, so essentially it's fancy Vaseline. It doesn't come out of anything. It was about a week before Paige's hair lost its greasy sheen. The carpet appears fine, but I am sure as the dirt collects the grease pit will re-appear. Her room is now a step away from being padded.

 

The next day, Mark was late to Scouts and was in a hurry. He pressed the garage door opener and heard it going, so he backed right out of the garage. The only problem was he had raised the other door and backed right into the closed one. Awesome. I watched the entire event live and the only thing that kept me from freaking out on him was the realization that my day will come.

 

The day after that, I was doing FaceTime with my mom, explaining how awesome life was being. Paige has had an on and off again rash that we have been to the doctor for as well, and I was asking her what I should do next since Paige's skin was continuing to give me fits. Maybe the 18 extra baths were causing problems?! Anyway, while talking to my mom, Paige finds my glasses. I ask her to give them to me. Instead, she looks me in the  face as she wrenches them with all her might, snapping them right in two. Furious. I'm only legally blind without lenses, and I only need my glasses every single night. Still working on fixing that problem.

 

I am honestly walking on egg shells these days hoping destruction settles somewhere else. In the midst of the madness, we have been trying to have some fun.

 

The sunset Mark and I were enjoying from the porch while Paige escaped.

 

 

Mark's family rented a vacation home in Bear Lake for a weekend. It was an amazing house. It was a nice, hot weekend--perfect for the lake. I really enjoyed being the only fully clothed person on the beach while everyone else cooled off in the water.

The basement of the house. Paige was in heaven. I decided being rich and having this in my house wouldn't be the worst thing ever.

Paige and I at the 4th of July parade. The parade is never great, but this year it was worse than usual. It was so slow. Kids were standing in the middle of the street making it impossible for the people in the parade to move down the street. The parade needs rules. There needs to be more floats and less trucks with signs. We didn't even stay for the whole thing. We had our fill after an hour. I am sure going by ourselves made it less fun. We missed having our family with us. 4th of July was a pretty big day for my family--lot's of traditions. With my parents gone, it just wasn't the same!

We came home and set up Paige's little pool. She has really enjoyed "wimmin" this year. We were signed up for a mommy n me swim class but mommy ruined that! Paige gave Roxy her necklace from the parade. Roxy also let Paige dump teacups of water on her for about 20 minutes. That's when I noticed the water my feet were bathing in was getting a bit murky. Paige ruined the party by pooping in the pool. I haven't set it up since. I feel like the pool and all her toys need to be de-pooped still, and that sounds like too big of a project with the one hand thing.

Paige is on a huge Monsters Inc kick. She wants to watch it every day. She tells me about "monster-ghosts" all the time. I decided with Mark gone, I would tempt fate and try our first movie theatre experience. We went to Monsters University which was fabulous. Paige did so great and loved it. She doesn't weigh enough to keep the folding seat down and eventually got tired of trying, but she stood and watched very well. She laughed and ooo'd and aww'd the entire time. It was great!

I went to my first follow up appointment yesterday and things are looking good. Finally satisfied my curiosity and got to see my ER x-rays. So gross! I am getting some soreness due to cast pressure, so  they had to split my cast---again. Now it is taped to keep the cuts from catching on things. It looks like a craft project gone bad. So attractive. Strange kids are very concerned about me. Wherever I go, some kid will hound me about the details. I was more exciting than the movie the other night!

 

 

As far as adoption news goes, there is none. We are still at a stand still with LDS Family Services and haven't heard from any other of our avenues. We did have one situation come up through an outreach program that was sounding pretty fabulous until I saw the cost. $48,000. Ummm wow. How do people afford that? The baby is born, and healthy, and a girl, and still waiting for a family. If you or someone you know is interested, my heart aches about it, and I would love to direct them to the place they can find more information it. I have to remind myself that things will happen as they should, but it has been so frustrating to feel like nothing is happening. We are just stuck and waiting. I hate that feeling! I went to pay a bill at the gynecologist just the other day and there was a teenage couple in front of me making an appointment. They had just found out they were pregnant. I was dying inside. I felt like butting myself right into their business. They were less than excited about it, and I was literally crying inside. It just doesn't make sense sometimes. I want to wear a shirt that says "hoping to adopt" in hopes someone knows of someone, somewhere and it sparks a conversation. Not to mention the shirt would speak for itself, and my shy self wouldn't have to:)