Spinning

I am sorry faithful blog followers for such a delay. It has been a week since my last post. I had a pretty pitiful attitude most of the week which cramped my writing style. I had major writer's block and had no idea what to post about. I felt our lives had been pretty boring, and no one wants to read boring. I also didn't want to drag down the world by showing off my spectacularly bad attitude.

One of my best talents is being able to make small issues into big issues. When I start getting down, I can let some pretty minor things build up until I feel that life could not be more terrible. How can I get up tomorrow knowing I don't have sufficient counter space, storage, and flies creep in from who knows where? My tree drips sap all over my car, which yes is annoying, but not life threatening. ( I suppose that depends who you ask, my dad would be furious about such a catastrophe). I could go on and on about all the things that seemed to kick me while I was down this week. So, instead of thinking of all the reasons why I think life is awful, I decided to look back on this "boring" week and see if I could uncover some small happy things that I could spin into a week of epidemic happiness.

First and foremost, chemo treatment this week was a breeze for Mark. He did so well, even went to work the following day. Saturday, he felt good enough to ride his horse for awhile. Nevermind he did it with a knee brace on and barely had enough strength to throw the saddle on, he did and it made him happy. Next, daylight savings. Wahoo, now it doesn't get dark til after 7. To celebrate, we went to a friends house Monday after work and stood among his beautiful horses. I love horses. I haven't had the guts to be around them much after last years tragic incident. It felt good to watch them again. They all have their unique personalities. I loved petting their filthy winter coats.  Maybe someday I will have enough guts to ride again. I also finished the Book of Mormon late Monday night, and I am pretty happy I wasn't Moroni who watched an entire people vanish, leaving me to wander alone, in hiding, finding a good place to bury the plates.

Tuesday I was feeling pretty pitiful about my house. Sad I know, this house really isn't that bad. It can be funny, and it is ALWAYS entertaining. Spinning the tragedy that is my old house, I found some things to love about it. I got a new stove, after shattering 3 of 4 burners last fall. Darn glass tops aren't too resilient. But this week, I can walk into my kitchen and the new stove is gleaming and all four burners smile back. I don't have to clean my windows. They have been disgustingly dirty for 30 years and have water stains and moisture in between the panes. No amount of scrubbing will change that, and while I can't open my blinds and look out much, or even open them since they don't have screens or springs, I don't have to wash windows which is the worst of all spring cleaning. Seriously, I am pretty glad about that. My house is super small, and I can knock out the whole thing in a few hours. I am happy about that too. It is plenty of space for the two of us. And since it is dark and kind of looks dirty all the time, it hides a whole bunch of stuff. Above all, we are blessed with an amazing ward and friends. I have learned so much from my caring ward family. They never cease to amaze me. My drabby Tuesday attitude was washed away after I felt slightly domestic Tuesday afternoon. I learned how to make some rolls and awesome swedish meatballs from one of the most wonderful cooks I know. She sent me home with meals for a few nights. That was joy!

Wednesday's happiness came from family. My dad sent me a great talk, my mom had the stove delivered, my older brother called and sent me this picture that exudes happiness:

This kid doesn't pretend to be Buzz Lightyear--he IS Buzz Lightyear. I love that his face is full of concentration, which resulted in his impeccable form. Buzz reminded me of how great being a kid was and how you could be and do whatever it was you put your mind to. Reality had an entirely different meaning back then. I also got a kick out of this picture:

He is truly happy in this picture. I am happy I got to laugh at it and I am really happy that HIS mom got to clean it all up instead of me.

Thursday, I met with an old friend and went to lunch. If spinach artichoke dip can't bring instant joy, nothing can. They bring it out all sizzling and hot over crispy warm chips. Entirely worth the calories. We even got free drinks, and free drinks taste better than anything else! Another plus? Mark's numbers were good, so he came to my indoor soccer game with me. I love when we are able to go together. It was really a ploy for him to hit up 42 cent Wendy's which brought more happiness into his life than anything I could have done. He missed most of the game, but made it in time to see a kid on my team score off of a bicycle kick--in indoor soccer. The goals are tiny. I missed a whole bunch of wide open shots and this kid whips out a bicycle kick and hits the upper corner. It was one of the most amazing things I have ever seen in real life. Honest. That stuff only happens on TV. If only we had had a camera. Even Mark the soccer hater was pretty impressed. Thursday was also the day BYU managed to win during the first round of the NCAA tournament, a small miracle for us BYU lovers.

I guess this week wasn't all bad and not all that boring. It could be much worse. I am grateful Mark has felt so good and has made it to work everyday. My mother reminded me how awful it would be if he was bed-ridden and spent the whole day at home--with me playing nurse. Mark and I would have a tough time surviving that much "happiness." One of my greatest grateful moments came at the expense of my little brother. He is serving in Poland on his mission and has had some pretty crazy experiences. Here is what he did this week:

"I WILL NOT own a ranch with 13 dogs and 19 goats. NOT that cool, and really is NOT worth the little bucket of goat milk with hair. I swear that is all she is getting out of that place. That and lots of work and diseases. Yes, I had another unforgettable experience at the old Rancho. This one will be in history books for years to come under the title "Sedziszow Goat Massacre."

A very sad Teresa walked into church on Sunday to inform us of the grim news. The dogs had managed to get into the barn and kill all 9 male goats...the grimmer news...she needed our help. Well we're happy to help right??!!! That is what missionaries are for! So I pulled out my freshly cleaned clothes from the last farm experience and we headed out early yesterday morning. The job description was that we were going to load the goats into a big truck......it wasn't until we GOT to the farm that Teresa let us know about the change of plans. She led us into the barn were the victims laid. It was a mess. Unfortunately the next train home wasn't for another 6 hours... we were stuck. She told us the plans had changed and we needed to wheel the goats to the back where we would all participate in skinning them, quartering them, burying the guts, and preserving the meat. The coolest part is that we were doing this in secret. The dogs had killed the goats though Teresa had done all she could to board up the barn. It wasn't her fault. But I guess she could have gotten in serious trouble for animal cruelty and punished if someone found out???I don't know the truth....would she be in trouble or not, but that was her story. So now we were participating in a act of cover up. I felt like we were a part of a horrific murder case as I was deep in the woods digging a pit for the guts, and then led to the back of the house and handed a STEAK KNIFE to skin and gut the first victim. Within a few hours there was blood, heads and goats strewn all over the back of the yard. The stench UNBEARABLE. Ole' teresa, what a woman. She can do ANYthing. I was not as brave. Four missionaries, TWO pairs of rubber gloves. I carried and held legs apart, but I wasn't cutting anything. They had been lying there long enough and wasn't risking anything. Teresa was up to her elbows, we passed on her offer to make us lunch."

That story made me pretty happy. Mostly because it was him and not me. My little city boy had quite the new experience. I am amazed at his positive attitude. I am grateful to live where I live, even if it isn't always my ideal. I need to step back and realize I am so blessed. I think this method of spinning will be a good coping mechanism for myself. I would like to say I made it up all by myself, but I feel like there is already a hymn out there that talks about counting our blessings when we get discouraged or something like that. I suppose I am not as creative as I thought. Another thing I learned this week was that many of the things that brought a smile to my face had nothing to do with me. A friend was reunited with her dog after it went missing for days in busy Scottsdale, AZ. Another friend struggling with infertility had a positive week and after her second go at IVF, had a comforting ultrasound. Mark and I were also grateful this week to hear our little friend was doing well and starting baseball. We are rooting for you Ironman! We have yet to take off our bracelets and they are a constant reminder to both of us that we are never alone, in anyway. We take strength from these simple symbols. In addition to counting my blessings, forgetting myself might prove to be a pretty good fix.