The Cancer Card

Mark doesn't want me to post about this topic, he claims it will blow his cover. I feel that people can probably see through his devious plan regardless, plus I think it is pretty funny so I will blog away! Since the diagnosis, if Mark wants a certain tasty treat, doesn't want to put his socks in the hamper, or take his dishes to the sink, he pleasantly reminds me that he has cancer. This method is affectionately known as the cancer card. The cancer card is also played when I am tired and ready to go to bed, but he needs a back or foot massage. It was once used when he took out the garbage and only made it to the deck, the trash can was just too far for those cancer ridden legs. He knows I am a big softy, and I figure there should be some benefit to having cancer so I usually oblige. There are times when it is totally abused, but whatever he has cancer, what can I say?

I never thought I would see the day when I would abuse the cancer card. Those who know me can attest to the fact that I am too nice to say no. Whenever the Navy recruiter needed to make his phone call quota, he knew he could dial my house. I can't tell you how many times I gave the armed forces a soft answer that almost sounded like a yes. It is pretty scary to think I could be on some aircraft carrier right now because I didn't have the guts to say I wasn't that interested. It wasn't until I told the guy I was deathly afraid of the ocean, was 5'1'', and about 98 lbs that he figured I wouldn't be an asset. Many a time, Mark has had to bail us out of an agreement that I have made on the phone to be a lifetime Disney gold member, or the Deseret Book family video club, or some other nonsense that I couldn't say no to because I didn't want to hurt their feelings. I am getting better; I told the smelly, scary Hoover guy that wanted to clean my carpets last Saturday that I loved my carpets smelly and dirty and he wasn't getting in my house. (I have my pal Mandi to thank for this strong, powerful woman I have become.)

 While I am improving, you can't expect to run the marathon your first time out. The other night, Mark had played his card well and I went to the grocery store to satisfy his latest craving. A man was outside with signs about the Census. I thought he was wanting people to take the Census, and being the responsible, almost military personnel, American girl that I am, I stepped up to the plate. Little did I know he was looking for people to work as a Census taker. Not a good idea for me, I lasted a full 6 hours as a telemarketer back in the day. I tried to back pedal, but the nice old man wouldn't take no for an answer! I told him I had a job, I was super busy, and I was not qualified. He kept throwing out ideas about doing it after work, fitting it in at anytime, and that everyone was qualified. In absolute panic, I screamed, "My husband has cancer and my life is an absolute nightmare right now and the last thing I want to think about is the Census!" I did it. I shamefully played the cancer card. It worked like magic and it was his turn to back pedal. As I left the store a while later with my groceries, he once again apologized and wished us blessings and luck. Honestly, I felt slightly awful, but secretly relieved that I wouldn't have to go door to door.

Today was a chemo day. It went a hundred times better than the last time. Now that Mark is a few treatments in, they can push the drugs a little faster since his body is adjusting to them. His back poke was also a success. To help him relax, the doctor ordered some Ativan and Mark felt very happy afterwards. Not happy enough to agree to a puppy, but happy enough to not mind the procedure. The official procedure rating ended up at a 7/10, which is up from the 4. There is still room for improvement, Mark has a very tight back which makes for a spinal adventure. However, the larger needle didn't need to be enlisted and overall it went well. No headache! This is a special picture of "Happy Mark":

 

Awesome isn't it? With that cute shiney head, lovable smile, and positive attitude, how can you not cave into the cancer card? Please don't discount it if we use it in the future. Mark actually does need it at times and it really is one of our few perks of the whole ordeal!