Rekindling Hope

Sorry it's been a few days, but there really wasn't much to say. Mark has felt better than he has in weeks. I have been trying to figure out if Mark is a kid, an elderly person, or a pregnant woman. I am beginning to think he might pregnant. It is great someone at our house can relate to that situation. If any of you have been pregnant, or have taken care of a pregnant woman, then you know what it has been like living with Mark the last few days. He is tired, has morning sickness, has strange cravings, and a serious case of the munchies. He woke up in the middle of the night craving Eggo waffles; he hasn't had some of those since he was a kid.

Saturday, Mark woke up and had a strong desire to play with a puppy. Strange I know, but since I love puppies, I was an easy sale. He decided he wanted a puppy and he wanted to name it Chemo. Since we already have a dog, I told him we couldn't have two, but someday when I get a new horse I promised him I would name it Chemo. Mark thought it was perfect, since some days we would love and appreciate it, and other days we would feel like beating it with a stick. We went to Sportsman's Warehouse and as luck would have it, the parking lot was seething with adorable puppies. After getting our fix, Mark ate all the chips and salsa Garcia's felt like bringing out. It was a fun day out. Since he has treatment this coming Thursday, we felt we better make this weekend a good one, next one might not be as fun.

Tonight, I have decided to repost our adoption ticker. The Thursday Mark was diagnosed, I took it off and kissed that dream goodbye. I felt that was one thing we would never be able to do. It was so hard since we are so close to getting our home study done. The doctor told us we still needed to go on with life as planned, but I could not see how that would work. I was so upset and emailed our caseworker the next day to tell him our plans had changed. Our caseworker said the same thing, and told us that with a note from the oncologist we could move ahead. I decided to put it out of my mind; it was too depressing. During church, I couldn't help but think I was making a mistake.  After all, we had already paid our fees, and the study is good for a year. Who knows where we might be in a few months?  Once you have a study done, it is much cheaper to update it as needed rather than starting all over. I figure we might as well finish it and see what else the Lord might have in store for us.

I submitted our profile and paperwork online tonight. It was already done, just waiting for me to click send. I was scared to do it. Mark and I went from being great candidates to "damaged" goods pretty quickly. Initially, we figured nobody would want to place a child with us anymore. After deciding today to go ahead with it, a new thought came to mind. Perhaps some might be wary, but rather than being "damaged," Mark and I feel like this will only make us stronger in the end. With the right attitudes, we will be better off because of this trial. I suppose, if we let it, it could tear us down, make us bitter, and angry. Hopefully we make the right choices and come out on top. So far so good. That ticker might be on longer, it might count higher, but someday, we still hope it happens.