Angels Among Us

Once again, late at night, I find myself in deep reflection. My sleep schedule is totally messed up and honestly, I don't mind. I like the night. I find it peaceful and calming. I love to stick my ipod in, watch Mark sleep,and think about the day. There is something beautiful about the late night, even at the hospital. I drive home and back and see like two cars the whole time. It is calm and quiet.

Today, I was again overwhelmed by the great people that surround us. We were blessed with visitors and well wishes. I love when they come to our little world and bring a piece of theirs. As they came and went, I couldn't help but think of one of my favorite talks. This quote is from a Conference talk Elder Holland gave in October 2008. I can't believe it has been that long. I swear he just gave it. I can think of no better way to describe the wonderful people around us; they are angels.

"I have spoken here of heavenly help, of angels dispatched to bless us in time of need. But when we speak of those who are instruments in the hand of God, we are reminded that not all angels are from the other side of the veil. Some of them we walk with and talk with—here, now, every day. Some of them reside in our own neighborhoods. Some of them gave birth to us, and in my case, one of them consented to marry me. Indeed heaven never seems closer than when we see the love of God manifested in the kindness and devotion of people so good and so pure that angelic is the only word that comes to mind."

"God never leaves us alone, never leaves us unaided in the challenges that we face."

These are just two particular quotes that hit me hard tonight. Mark and I were surrounded by angels all day. With help like that, what do we have to complain about? Some special angels came and brought us a wonderful gift of experience and understanding. We were shocked and touched when they walked in the room. Thanks you guys. Mark and I went through it item by item and shared a few smiles and a few tears; the rough road has been paved just a little. The visitors throughout the day left us in great spirits. Today was a great day!

Initially, we were supposed to go home this afternoon. This is strange, but I am really grateful we didn't. It all feels a little surreal still. I am glad we haven't had to take it all "home" yet. I know when we leave tomorrow, we take the cancer and all its glory with us. I wish it would all stay here in 2015. The doctor explained to us today that Mark's pneumonia was still a little worrisome. It is secondary to the tumor, but it borders on obstructive pneumonia and he wants Mark to kick it a little more before we go. Mark continues to be on IV antibiotics and started oral antibiotics this evening. If we would have left tonight, we would have packed home oxygen and an IV. I wasn't too thrilled about the prospect. I would rather leave them here and let the nurses take care of all the specifics. What's another night?

Mark woke this morning pretty groggy. He was physically and emotionally spent. About 10 he finally started acting normal....really normal. He was great! He looked good, felt good, and was rearing to go. He didn't seem sick at all. The chemo had done its job, the tumor must have shrunk because Mark was able to breathe better than he has in weeks. His color was good, his pain was better, and his spirits were high. With Mark feeling so great, I felt even better than he did. I almost forgot he was sick. My emotions were in check and almost cheerful all day. We bragged all day long about how great everything was going, I think we spoke a tad too soon. As night came on, Mark began to feel nauseated and reality hit. He hadn't eaten much, but what he had didn't make it too far. After a few episodes, we were able to get an order for anti-nausea pills. Hearing him struggling in the bathroom with his nausea left me thinking that this is just a snapshot of how he will feel as this goes on. I do pretty good until I see him feel sick. I was VERY grateful at this point I hadn't taken him home. I can hear him snoring above my music, so I am sure his meds are calming the storm and  he is getting some rest.

On a side note, my sweet boy gave me these flowers for Valentines day. What a guy:)