Moving Fast, and Trying to Keep Up!

 

August is knocking on the door and I can't believe fall is around the corner. I just don't feel ready to give up my summer yet. I'm already anxious about all the cold months ahead. I'm hoping to cram as much as possible into the next month or so before that first morning you get up and can smell autumn in the air. We continue to be on the go and it's great. Keeping busy is the key to my sanity. I've gotten used to the cast, and it doesn't slow me down much anymore. It comes off on Monday, and though I am looking forward to washing my hair with two hands, I am a little nervous. I'm sure it will be awhile before it feels normal again. At least with the cast on I expect it to be annoying. Paige and I will be doing swimming lessons later that same day, and I look forward to being a participant rather than a spectator for the first time in weeks!

 

After downloading all the pictures from my phone, I came across a few oldies but goodies.

 

 

After breaking my expensive, prescription glasses, Paige found the cheap shades. I felt it was a fair compromise, and she was just so happy.

 

 

My child doesn't eat. She won't try new things, has about 5 things she will eat consistently, (none of which are exceptionally healthy) and she spits things out exclaiming they are gross. Enter the smoothie, mom's best weapon. I've been sneaking spinach in these bad boys and Paige still downs the glass. I feel so triumphant! I did learn the hard way that no bib protects against the deep, dark shade of berry. Certain flavors are now enjoyed diaper only!

 

Lest you think Paige goes naked all day, everyday, getting her in and out of her wet swimsuit in the cast is one thing that continues to be annoying. The pool was losing its pizzazz so I had to get a little creative and added some bubbles. They seemed to keep her entertained for at least 10 more minutes. I also felt by dousing the pool, the toys, and the kid in soapy bubbles, the poop from the previous post was bound to take a hit.

 

 

We've been blessed with some pretty cool skies lately. I am not sure it is the time of year, the fires, the super moon, or all of the above. They have provided some icing on the perfect summer night scene!

 

Moon rise out back

 

 

Sunset out front

 

I have been playing soccer again, and while I love being involved, it scares me to death! I am nervous the entire time, not to mention winded. After the break, I only missed a week of the gym before I got back to working out consistently. Of course I am stuck doing only cardio for the most part, but I felt like I was doing enough not to lose all my fitness. For some reason, everything is harder. What used to be a simple workout kills me at the moment. The first game back I thought I might die. It doesn't help that I am required to wrap and pad the cast so that it isn't considered "a weapon." I use Mark's old ACL wrap and by the time I get what covers his entire leg  around my forearm, it is HUGE. I then get to play an entire game, in the heat, with a 5lb blanketed club. Awesome.

 

 

Mark's nephew is headed out on a mission today, and last weekend was his farewell so we traveled over to Boise for some fun and family time. It was great! First, I love Boise. I think it is perfect. So much to do, quite a bit warmer, and home to some of my favorite people. We hit up the water park and I got to watch and eat Dippin Dot's while the rest of clan enjoyed the slides and pools in the triple digit heat. I was fairly jealous. It was nice to have an excuse not to hit up the scary stuff that as a kid I wouldn't have missed for the world. The older I get, the less brave I am. However, I feel the pressure not to be a wuss and to be the fun, young, daredevil gal I used to be. It creates all sorts of internal conflict. One positive about being the full time spectator is all the documentation. We never used to have any pictures, but right now that's all I'm good for!

 



 

Paige started out rough. She hates the splash park type stuff where kids run  around like crazy, fountains go off randomly, and buckets of water drop from the sky. Scares her to death. Mark saved the day by taking her on the designated kid slides---which she loved!

 

Didn't take her long to enjoy lounging on the tubes either. Her favorite is the lazy river.

 

After deciding the little kid slides weren't fast enough, Mark took her on this full sized, pitch black, tube slide. Paige loved it and went on it multiple times, yet still wouldn't walk through the splash pad. Go figure.

 

 

I can't believe Brennan is old enough to go on a mission. He was not even ten when Mark and I got married. He is quite a bit older than the rest of the cousins, and since he adores Mark, he spent a lot of time tagging along with us--especially when we didn't have any kids. Now that we do, he is the best cousin and is SO sweet to Paige. He is going to make some girl very lucky someday! In the meantime, he will be a fabulous missionary. I will miss him at all the family things. Never bad to have someone constantly entertaining Paige. He took Paige on quite a few dirt bike rides and let her jump into the pool to him about 4 dozen times.

 

In between all these events, we have been trying to get in as much horse riding as possible. I have been leery to talk much about Tucker after the whole Dee fiasco. In the end,  Dee the paint mare just was not working out. We had to send her back and the search was on for another horse. We found Tucker who is a reining show horse. He is gorgeous, so very broke, and so far has been a perfect fit for our family. He is in no way perfect and has had some issues we have had to work on, but he is so smart and learns so fast. He wants to listen and wants to be good. I have grown more confident with each ride and I am really starting to love this guy. I really didn't want things to end up like the did with Dee, so I was hesitant to view him as an official member of the family until a month or so went by and we could see if he would work out for us. So far so good. When it comes to safety and a good family horse, I am not willing to take any chances.

 

He is just so pretty, even while getting shoes.

 

FHE last Monday night at the Sand Dunes. I love riding on the sand. It works the horses like crazy and I feel a million times more confident riding out there. This was probably one of my favorite rides of the year!

 

 

We finally made some progress with LDS Family Services and we now have 2 home studies and an official profile on their site. I have yet to see much traffic on our profile, which leads me to believe that if we are lucky enough to adopt again, it will be because someone knows someone. I know I sound like a broken record, but please, please, PLEASE spread the word we are trying to adopt! Social media is a crazy powerful tool, so share away on Facebook, Twitter, whatever. We definitely need the help of our friends and family to get our profile out there for people to see. 

A Fun Weekend

I can't get enough of summer. I love it! I love being busy, spending time with family, and enjoying our favorite hobbies. Friday was a beautiful night. We went for a ride, and we finally have a horse that Paige can ride solo--well at least in the arena. I wish I had her confidence! She will be a better rider than I could ever dream of being, mostly because she has started young. She loves it and does so well. She loves to ride fast with Dad, and then loves to mosey slow by herself. We rode Saturday night as well, but down in the river bottoms. The bugs were bad, and it was my first time riding with the cast. Not easy, I was nervous, and my horse knew I was nervous. It wasn't my favorite ride. I need to gain that confidence back! I think I need this butt of mine to get saddle sore. I need more miles! Still getting used to the new horse, and it is a work in progress. Tucker is such a good boy, I just need to trust him more so he in turn trusts me.

On Saturday we went to a horse sale to window shop I guess. Our friends went and it was fun to watch them bid, and win on a beautiful new horse. Afterwards we hit up the Alpine Slide. Since I am still one handed, I let Mark and Paige enjoy this one on their own while I snapped pictures. Paige, true to  herself, had no fear. She told Mark on the chairlift she was flying.

Mark took the slow track and tried to take it easy. Paige said "faster" and "weeeeeee" the entire time. When they first pulled up, I asked Paige how it was. She said, "I wanna go again!" I guess that means it was good!

Adjusting Attitude

 

I recognize my last few posts have had the above tone to them. I wish I could say my attitude is always in check and I'm a sunshine-y type person at all times, but I am not. As much as I wish I could honestly be that way, I also truly believe in being honest. My blog is a real representation of our lives, and that includes some bad days and some less than proud moments. However, I also believe I need to improve---and can. I would love to be more patient, happier, and more optimistic overall. These are things I want to and need to work on. It hasn't been an easy month, and no nothing was seriously unbearable, I know it was much more dramatic due to my own making, and yes I feel pretty foolish knowing people have actual problems that seriously trump mine. We have had our fair share of some substantial life trials, and one lesson I learned from them is, they haven't exempted us from the smaller ones. Nothing we experienced in the last few weeks comes close to what we experienced a few years ago, but we still struggled and had to figure out how to deal with the small ones, that at the time, felt pretty big! In the last conference, Elder Holland gave such a wonderful talk about asserting the faith you do have first, rather than leading with your doubt. I look forward to all of his talks. He is a beautiful teacher and his lessons stick with me for a long time. He manages to discuss something I really need to work on. This last talk was no exception. I need to tackle situations with my best foot forward, even if at the time, there isn't much "best." Attitude, all about adjusting my attitude and outlook.

 

Paige has embraced being two, and while it is amazing to see how much she knows, watch her personality flourish, and laugh at what she says, it isn't without its challenges. I love that one moment she can sing songs with me and give me loves, and then throw an absolute fit about 5 seconds later. She can be a tough cookie. She has a strong willed little personality and quite the rebellious little spirit. These qualities seem to be directly at odds with how sensitive, loving, and happy she is. It's quite the dichotomy. Paige gave me the above death look after I woke her up from a nap. She was sleeping pretty late, and I didn't want to mess with bedtime. She was less than pleased with me and wasn't afraid to let me know it! She was pretty grumpy the entire day, even at the park. I was so tired by the end of the day and was looking forward to bedtime. Usually Mark rocks her at night, but she insisted on me doing it. Since we had been at odds most of the day, I was a little surprised by this and while I hate to admit it, I was looking forward to Mark doing it so I could have a few minutes alone. Paige wasn't having it, so I settled in for some stories, songs, and rocking. (We have the same routine before naps, so it isn't like I feel jilted nightly.)  Paige immediately snuggled up, gave me a kiss on the cheek, and stroked my face. She sang all the songs with me and we spent some special moments together. Moments I was willing to forfeit earlier, but moments I will now cherish forever. I love her and I am so grateful for her, and though I know I am bound to lose my cool with her again in the future, I hope I can learn to be more patient and understanding, taking the time to teach her and help her through her frustrations as well as my own. She has no desire to potty train despite my best efforts. I would love to force her into it, and have tried only to fail on an epic level. I think it's time to put it on the back burner and let her decide when she wants to do it.

 





Paige loves, loves, loves to swing. If you take her, you better be prepared for the long haul. She also has no fear. The higher, the faster, the better. Scares me to death! Life slowed down this weekend and we spent some good old fashioned downtime as a family. Interesting how much this buoyed my spirits. Happiness is sometimes so simple. Sunday we spent time at our friends, watching the kids play together. It was heavenly. Nothing big, just good food and good company. Rejuvenating!

This week for Family Home Evening, Mark and I pulled out all the stops. I was impressed with ourselves really. We had a song, a lesson complete with flannel board, and went out for a treat. While we usually have some sort of FHE, we aren't usually this organized. It was great. Paige really enjoyed putting the pictures up while I read the story about Jesus teaching at the temple. Afterwards, we jumped in the car, got ice cream, and ate it on the temple grounds. It was a gorgeous night. I haven't been to the temple in an embarrassing long time. It was so nice just being near it. Paige had such a great time, and loved talking to Mark about the angel on top. She said it was "Jesus' House" and we felt pretty successful for the night. It was one of those moments that you realized life is as good as you make, you are in charge of your happiness, and time is too short to waste.

It was a night of resolution. Goals were set, attitudes were adjusted, and the outlook is bright.



Crawling Along

It's been two weeks, but it feels like a lifetime. Each day seems to bring some sort of tragedy. I feel like Paige can sense the weak and smell blood in the water and is half child, half monster. I maybe a little less patient than usual, which means I am on the brink of madness at any given moment, but I seriously thought to myself the other day that her and I are on the same maturity level at the moment. It's embarrassing. I  have caught myself yelling at her not to yell. I think I've been the worst mom ever! Mark has been gone almost every day since the club came into my life, and it stinks. I went to the doctor yesterday for my first check up and left Paige with a friend. I sat in the waiting room and it felt like I was on vacation. I am to the point where I can do just about anything with minor discomfort, but everything takes me FOREVER. I have been close to getting poop on the cast, but so far so good. During church on Sunday I caught a whiff of a disturbing smell and inspected the casted hand a bit closer. Seriously yucky and all the skin on my palm was yellow, flaking, and disgusting. The callouses I used to have were falling off and the whole thing just reeked. I have a new appreciation for mothers who have casted children. I am pretty careful and try to keep things clean and orderly, and it is still just gross.

Like I said, Paige senses the weak and takes advantage of it daily. As I am carrying groceries with the good hand, I catch the look in her eye as she realizes I am helpless to catch her. Climbing out of her bed is an old trick, but about a month or so ago she figured out how to do doors. It's beyond annoying. She opens and closes doors all day long. One night I came downstairs to check on her only to discover this:

Cute, but not where I was hoping to find her. A few nights later, Mark and I put her down and went to sit on the porch to enjoy the sunset. I sent Mark in to check on the kid, and she wasn't anywhere to be found. He finally found her barefoot, headed out the garage to the horses. At that point the big guns came out and I put up the child door handles. I felt fairly triumphant----until the following night. Once again I went to check on my "sleeping" child at about 11:30. I found her slathering herself with an entire tub of Eucerin Heavy Cream. She was covered head to toe, and it was smeared into my new carpet. I am sure there was smoke coming out of my ears. She knew she was busted, and Mark saved her life. She cried and cried as Mark cleaned her up, and I cried and cried while I attempted to clean up my carpet. Eucerin is petroleum based, so essentially it's fancy Vaseline. It doesn't come out of anything. It was about a week before Paige's hair lost its greasy sheen. The carpet appears fine, but I am sure as the dirt collects the grease pit will re-appear. Her room is now a step away from being padded.

 

The next day, Mark was late to Scouts and was in a hurry. He pressed the garage door opener and heard it going, so he backed right out of the garage. The only problem was he had raised the other door and backed right into the closed one. Awesome. I watched the entire event live and the only thing that kept me from freaking out on him was the realization that my day will come.

 

The day after that, I was doing FaceTime with my mom, explaining how awesome life was being. Paige has had an on and off again rash that we have been to the doctor for as well, and I was asking her what I should do next since Paige's skin was continuing to give me fits. Maybe the 18 extra baths were causing problems?! Anyway, while talking to my mom, Paige finds my glasses. I ask her to give them to me. Instead, she looks me in the  face as she wrenches them with all her might, snapping them right in two. Furious. I'm only legally blind without lenses, and I only need my glasses every single night. Still working on fixing that problem.

 

I am honestly walking on egg shells these days hoping destruction settles somewhere else. In the midst of the madness, we have been trying to have some fun.

 

The sunset Mark and I were enjoying from the porch while Paige escaped.

 

 

Mark's family rented a vacation home in Bear Lake for a weekend. It was an amazing house. It was a nice, hot weekend--perfect for the lake. I really enjoyed being the only fully clothed person on the beach while everyone else cooled off in the water.

The basement of the house. Paige was in heaven. I decided being rich and having this in my house wouldn't be the worst thing ever.

Paige and I at the 4th of July parade. The parade is never great, but this year it was worse than usual. It was so slow. Kids were standing in the middle of the street making it impossible for the people in the parade to move down the street. The parade needs rules. There needs to be more floats and less trucks with signs. We didn't even stay for the whole thing. We had our fill after an hour. I am sure going by ourselves made it less fun. We missed having our family with us. 4th of July was a pretty big day for my family--lot's of traditions. With my parents gone, it just wasn't the same!

We came home and set up Paige's little pool. She has really enjoyed "wimmin" this year. We were signed up for a mommy n me swim class but mommy ruined that! Paige gave Roxy her necklace from the parade. Roxy also let Paige dump teacups of water on her for about 20 minutes. That's when I noticed the water my feet were bathing in was getting a bit murky. Paige ruined the party by pooping in the pool. I haven't set it up since. I feel like the pool and all her toys need to be de-pooped still, and that sounds like too big of a project with the one hand thing.

Paige is on a huge Monsters Inc kick. She wants to watch it every day. She tells me about "monster-ghosts" all the time. I decided with Mark gone, I would tempt fate and try our first movie theatre experience. We went to Monsters University which was fabulous. Paige did so great and loved it. She doesn't weigh enough to keep the folding seat down and eventually got tired of trying, but she stood and watched very well. She laughed and ooo'd and aww'd the entire time. It was great!

I went to my first follow up appointment yesterday and things are looking good. Finally satisfied my curiosity and got to see my ER x-rays. So gross! I am getting some soreness due to cast pressure, so  they had to split my cast---again. Now it is taped to keep the cuts from catching on things. It looks like a craft project gone bad. So attractive. Strange kids are very concerned about me. Wherever I go, some kid will hound me about the details. I was more exciting than the movie the other night!

 

 

As far as adoption news goes, there is none. We are still at a stand still with LDS Family Services and haven't heard from any other of our avenues. We did have one situation come up through an outreach program that was sounding pretty fabulous until I saw the cost. $48,000. Ummm wow. How do people afford that? The baby is born, and healthy, and a girl, and still waiting for a family. If you or someone you know is interested, my heart aches about it, and I would love to direct them to the place they can find more information it. I have to remind myself that things will happen as they should, but it has been so frustrating to feel like nothing is happening. We are just stuck and waiting. I hate that feeling! I went to pay a bill at the gynecologist just the other day and there was a teenage couple in front of me making an appointment. They had just found out they were pregnant. I was dying inside. I felt like butting myself right into their business. They were less than excited about it, and I was literally crying inside. It just doesn't make sense sometimes. I want to wear a shirt that says "hoping to adopt" in hopes someone knows of someone, somewhere and it sparks a conversation. Not to mention the shirt would speak for itself, and my shy self wouldn't have to:) 

 

 

 

The Summer of Death

The length of this post is conditional on how patient I am with one handed typing. Since co-ed and women's soccer overlap this year, I decided to just play co-ed. However, my women's team really needed me and I felt guilted into playing our last two games. I decided to miss co-ed last week since it was the last night my parents were here. This week I figured I would do both, since it was the championship game for women's. I also felt it might cheer me up and get my mind off things.

We were getting killed and I wasn't playing great. I had opportunities, but wasn't scoring. I was double teamed and frustrated. We were down three goals, and I felt anxious to help my team and get something in. I feel like I was trying to do too much. Anyway, it had started to sprinkle and the grass was slightly wet. I had a breakaway and went to shoot at full speed. My plant foot slipped while shooting, and I put my had out behind me to catch myself. Bad idea. I heard the snap and felt some serious pain. Never felt pain like that before. After my last soccer post, Mark and I had a big conversation about injuries and how I have never broken anything. I told him I couldn't imagine what that must feel like. Well now I know, and in case you were wondering---it isn't good!

I think the fact I heard it and saw the obvious deformity made things much worse. I was basically hysterical and just rolled around in pain. My sweet friends tried all they could to help, one took my shinguard off to brace my arm. I decided to have someone drive me the 45 minutes to the hospital closer to my house. It was a long painful drive, but I wanted the ortho I used to work for to fix it.

I have a radius fx and possibly a cracked ulna. It was a clean break so no surgery. I was drugged during the hospital conversation, and Mark didn't pay enough attention. I have few details. Worst timing ever with my parents gone and Mark leaving for a Scout camp. The pain has been intense. I finally caved and took pain pills last night. I slept well, only to puke this morning. Taking care of Paige has been impossible, and Mark's mom has had her since Monday night. I miss her, but am so grateful to have the help. I think once the pain calms down, I have enough finger movement in the cast to function and figure things out. So far it hurts too much to rotate my arm, grip, or move my fingers. I will be in a cast 6 weeks.....or essentially all summer, boo! I do feel a bit better today so I am hopeful I will be self sufficient soon. I am anxious to have  my hair washed, and may find myself at a salon for a wash and style. Paige and I will look homeless for awhile.

The angle doesn't show how deformed this was, but it still looks messed up!

Next day swelling. The ref had me take my rings off for the first time all season. Glad he did!

Paige saying goodbye. Dad said she was telling him to "get out, go to the car." She was a sad baby and hysterical anytime he got close to the MTC doors.

Best family ever!

 

 

That post took way too long, and I am feeling like I may wish I was closer to the bathroom here soon, so I am signing off for now. Hoping today is a better day and I figure out the one armed mommy thing. How have millions of little kids broken their arms and been fine right after they are casted? I must be a wimp! Before all the fun, Paige asked to go see my parents. I told her we couldn't and reminded her they were on their mission. She said, "Oh no, they are on their mission!" and started to cry. I have been in contact with them and they are doing great and having some awesome experiences. They really are off to a good start!

And They're Off

This picture pretty much sums up how we all feel I think. This was our first time letting Paige sleep in bed with us--we usually have a pack n play when we travel. I didn't want to hassle with one, so we tried a new technique. Let's just say I moved to the coach after an epic sleeping fail. These two didn't seem to mind sharing though! What do you all do with the kiddos when you travel? Sleeping bags?

 

Last week was seriously exhausting on a lot of levels. I feel particularly bad for my parents as they will not have a second of recovery. Even though they had been working on the move for months, the last few days were still super hectic. Sun-up to sun-down scattered meals, moving, house cleaning, and settling loose ends filled Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Thursday morning we headed down to Utah to pick up my brothers from the airport. After a long day, we were able to spend a little bit of time together Thursday evening. Paige hadn't had a nap all week, and she was a monster the entire weekend. You could tell she was beyond sleep deprived. On top of that, she has molars coming in. She battled a fever at the beginning of the week, diarrhea mid-week, and exhaustion at week's end. She was beastly! It was frustrating to finally have some  moments together, and I was anxious as I struggled to find ways to keep her happy and busy. Poor Grandpa got an exceptionally clingy child who wanted to swing for hours. He was happy to oblige. On top of it all, Mark came down with a raging fever as well. Quite the weekend. Add the emotional roller coaster and I honestly could sleep for days.

 

Friday, Paige spent the day with her birth family. I am so glad I arranged for this. I know my parents were a little sad not to have her around on their last day, but it allowed me to enjoy time with them a little more. Paige's birth family was more than excited to have her. They went swimming and had a great time! I am so grateful for them. I love them so much and they are such a blessing to us. They are seriously an extension of family. I feel so lucky it has ended up this way. Friday afternoon, Mom and Dad were set apart by Elder Bednar. It was a pretty amazing experience to be in such an intimate setting with an apostle. My parents are very close with the Bednars, which made it even more special. Friday evening started the goodbyes. It was awful. I felt so sad for my dad as he said goodbye to his parents. There is a chance one or both might not be here in 3 years. Their health is not good enough to travel, so it felt very final. I couldn't even stand to watch it. On top of Paige's ornery self, I got the feeling she could sense things were unsettled all week. She certainly was not herself, and every time I had to pull her away from my parents she was hysterical. Especially my dad. It made it so hard for me to keep things under control and I was a mess most of the time.

 

Friday was a late night, and we didn't spend much time together as an immediate family. I wish we would have had more quiet moments since it will be the last time we are all together for a very long time. Saturday morning was just surreal. Emotions were very near the surface. Mark was sick, Paige was sad, and I failed to keep myself in check. It was a beautiful morning so we did enjoy some moments outside on the swings and some last minute walks.

Dad pushed Paige for hours at a time the entire weekend. This was Saturday morning, just a few minutes before Dad had to change into his uniform for the next three years-----his suit. Good thing the man wears a suit so well!

Paige was like this most of the time. She just clung to my mom and dad. This is such a sad picture! Both girls were sad, and I was sad taking it.

 

 

My best friend! My mom and I are close. I am the only girl and so is she I guess. We definitely enjoyed having each other to do lunch, pedicures, and shopping trips. I didn't take my phone anywhere, so I need to get the other pictures from my brothers. They have some good ones at the MTC and at the setting apart. I regret that I didn't get a picture of just my Dad and I. At this point, Paige refused to let him set her down. She cried almost the entire time at the MTC. I think it was a combination of a few things, but I think a part of her new something was up.

Putting on the tag for the first time.

 

 

Melissa, Paige's "birth grandma,"  gave her this cute little maxi skirt. So adorable! Paige already thinks she is 15, so why not dress her like a 15  year old right?

 

 

Coming home was harder than the whole weekend. It was cold and windy, and a good 20 degrees cooler than Utah. Ridiculous. Didn't help my mood much for sure. It just feels weird to be here without them. I can't say I LOVE living here. There are lots of pros and cons I guess. I think the biggest pro was that I had family here. There is no way I could have survived what we have gone through without them. I was glad to have them close during the cancer, infertility, adoption, and new baby phases of life. Now I don't have family---and EVERYONE else does. I think people don't rely on friendships here because they have so much family. That is great as long as you do too. Sam and Max tell me about the bonding and things that happen in areas where no one has family. Neighbors, friends, and ward members look out for each other more. Those relationships are stronger. They get together for holidays and activities. Things like that don't happen here. No one needs a substitute family because they have their actual ones. I realize Mark has family here, but that only makes it worse for me, not better. Is it weird that I think it would be better if neither of us did? I feel like  it really would force us to rely more on each other. I woke up Sunday and I was sad. Maybe not as sad as Saturday. Today I feel sad again. Mark is gone to work, and I see many days ahead with time to fill. It's an adjustment. I am sure over time things will get better and I will get used to it. In some ways I feel so guilty and so embarrassed that this is hard for me. Lots of people don't have their parents close, and I am 30, so it's probably time I didn't either. I think if it was just me, it would be easier. I am just so sad that Paige won't know them anymore. In a few months, she won't remember all the good times she had with her grandparents--the special relationship she has with my dad. By the time they are released, she will be in kindergarten and they will essentially be strangers. I will have to work hard to make sure that doesn't happen I guess. Yes, we can go and visit. But it won't be the same, and I have a hard time thinking they will just be able to drop everything and be with us when we are there. I have a feeling they are going to be quite busy for the next three years.

 

I just hope those missionaries know how lucky they are. They are getting a great couple. I am not thrilled that I have to share them, so I hope they enjoy the advice, love, and counsel as much as I do. My dad will be a great mission president, and my mom will be a great missionary and mission mom. Despite my sadness, I am proud of them and excited for them.  

 

 

We had an adoption conference call last Thursday. Nothing like taking an important phone call in the car next to your two year old. It was good and we really liked the company, but still unsure if that is the route we want to take. They require a substantial amount of money up front for a two year contract. It is non-refundable and it makes me nervous. What if something comes up somewhere else right after we pay them their fee? What if nothing comes up and we aren't matched for two years? They wanted to know today what we decided, and I just felt like we hadn't decided anything. I hope they will let us delay a month while we work to figure some things out. I can't make decisions that big in a weekend----especially this last weekend. Too many other things on my mind!

 

 

In other news, Paige makes my heart happy and has said some funny things lately:

 

While playing toys with my dad, she randomly said "Ooo, oo, ooo, that's what a monkey says guys"

 

Loves Monster's Inc and has watched it endlessly. I caught her saying "Mike Wyzowski" the other day. She also yells "boo" at everyone every chance she gets.

 

Anything scary is a "monster ghost" which apparently is much worse than either of those things individually.

 

Declares herself to be Paige. "I'm Paige, I am right here"

 

Yesterday she was riding Mark's roping cow dummy. I asked her if she was riding her horse. She said yes. Mark corrected us both and said, "No, that's a cow." Paige concurred and continued to ride. Mark and I decided to go for a walk, I asked Paige to come along and she said, "No, I can't come, I am riding my horse-cow."



 

Continues to love escaping her crib and opening and closing any door she can. I found her fast asleep on her floor the other night.

 

Love her. Glad that she is my right hand girl and that I will never officially be alone. Please remind me of this comment when I complain about not having privacy in the bathroom.

 

 



My Favorite Pastime

Let me start by saying I have a very patient and loving husband who puts up with the year round season. Once a week I get some time to myself, with my friends. It is much needed and so rejuvenating. From September to March, I play indoor arena soccer. I love how quick the game moves and how it's more finesse than power. I have never been one to have a power shot, and in indoor that's ok. It is much more about short quick passing and ball placement. From April to August is outdoor. There are few things that are more enjoyable than playing a game on a beautiful summer night. I lack some power in outdoor, but being fast is a greater advantage, so it's a trade off. Indoor is mostly co-ed. I have done women's leagues in the past, but they are more accident ridden, and I am getting to old to risk that. In outdoor, I play one session of women's and one session of co-ed. In women's, I am happy to say my sprint speed hasn't seemed to diminish much and it is a fairly obvious advantage. Sometimes it makes it too easy and my biggest hang up is keeping focused and under control to avoid a silly shot over goal. It is frustrating that as a fast girl, I am only able to beat an average guy. It makes co-ed a little more difficult, but I have a stronger cast of supporting players.

Every year I tell Mark it is coming to an end. As much as I love it, I only will play as long as I feel like I am making a valuable contribution. I know at some point, my speed will decrease, the competition will be younger, and my competitive self will remember all too well what it was like to be good. It will be more frustrating than fun. I hope to coach at that point, I could never leave it completely behind! In the meantime, I am grateful that  I have been able to avoid any big injuries and that shockingly so, I am playing better the last few years than maybe I was in high school. I feel that I may not be as athletic or as brave(or as stupid), but I feel like a much smarter player who understands the game more and I play within my limitations.

I have had so much fun lately, and I am sure it has a lot to do with playing well. I also love the people I play with. I have some life long friends on the field. Michelle and I have played together since we were in 7th grade or so. She is truly an extension of my self, and I know where she will be at any given moment. Ashlee and I first met playing club ball in high school. Since that point, we have never had a season without each other, barring pregnancy of course. Pregnancy throws a whole new wrench in the rotation----well at least for some:) Ashlee possesses qualities I wish I had. She is tenacious, strong, and fearless. She would never back down from a header, while I pray it doesn't come close to me. Then there is the amazing Jackie. Jackie is unbelievable. She is forever young, and despite having 3 ACL repairs, hasn't slowed down a bit. I am grateful I play with her, so I never have to play against her. I am positive I would not be able to out run Jackie. In college, Jackie played with the boys since there wasn't a girls team. She puts us all to shame. Not to mention she is amazingly diverse and can do just about anything. Build a house, trim a horse, refurbish a horse trailer, endurance race, you name it...Jackie can do it. She is my go to gal in all things horse. I also firmly believe I am a better player because of her. She has forced me to step out of my comfort zone and play positions I never would have before. Jackie is also the "quarterback" of our team. No matter where you are, you can hear Jackie telling you what to do! These girls are my best friends. They have been with me through thick and thin, on and off the field.

I could go on and on about the players I play with. Even in coed there are guys I have played with for YEARS. It has been fun to grow up together, see each other get married and start families. Yet every year, we meet up again for 10 weeks to revisit our youth. We are a little slower, heavier, and injury prone, but out we go. Our women's team this year is on average the oldest in the league, and next week we will play in the championship game. It's great! About a year ago I put together an all women's indoor team that was a good ten years older than the competition, and we were undefeated all season, only to lose in the championship game. I have had 10 goals in my last 3 games--2 of these came in co-ed, scoring in co-ed is few and far between for me. I feel like soccer makes up a huge part of my identity. I feel so comfortable there. I love it.

I was never any good at juggling---still not so hot

The car pool ladies. We all drive together, and it is part of the fun to get to chat with these girls!

 

Poor Jackie and I have been trying to get a decent picture of the both of us for the last few weeks. Let's just say I am not great at selfies. We should throw in the towel and do it the old fashioned way by asking someone to help us out! This was last night after we both played every minute of the game in 85 degree heat. I get tired, Jackie does not. Love the random strand of hair I have billowing.

This was last week at co-ed. I thought we were doing silly faces, but we weren't according to Jackie. So I am the only one with the goofy, cheesy face. I love this girl. I count myself lucky to call her a friend.

 

The countdown continues. The moving truck comes today. Yesterday, Paige and I stopped on our way to the pool. Paige has had a fever on and off, and I guess being super mom I thought she would have fun swimming. Needless to say she did not, but I held her while she slept and got to visit with my cousins. She sat and rocked with my dad for about a half an hour before we left, not normal for the girl who won't sit still. I love how she is just looking at him. We will sure miss him.