The Adventure

Our trip to Seattle already feels like forever ago. I think that last week was l-o-n-g. With Mark and I both sick, we pretty much camped out in our front room. I eventually went to the doctor and am awaiting some blood work. I have had some swollen lymph nodes, and one has become quite painful. I know it is just infection, but I am prone to worry. We used to just get sick, now getting sick brings a whole new realm of possibilities. The doctor felt the swelling and commented about it, sarcastically mentioning the chances of both of us having lymphoma are not that good. In my head I thought, "Hmmmmm, Mark and I seem to beat all sorts of odds. We are the luckiest people ever. One in a million right?" Needless to say, I am not worried about anything too serious. Honest. Out of curiosity, however, I did check the internet. I will say it was a wealth of information and I could have AIDS, syphillis, mono, lymphoma, or melanoma. I don't really like any of those.......:) If I do have something awesome, we are so playing the lottery this week!

Back to our Seattle trip, Mark and I did have a little adventure. He was basically sick the whole time, but he gave it his best effort. The weather was perfect and the area is gorgeous. We started the trip off with a bang. Mark turned down a map repeatedly, feeling completely confident in our Garmin. After some fiddling in the local pancake house parking lot, he decided the old fashioned way might not be so bad. We retraced our steps back to retrieve the map. The map meant well, but only a few roads were actually labeled and our hotel was in a suburb not even on the map. Helpful. Being an incredible navigator, I finally got us on the right interchange. The only problem was no one was moving, and cars were actually turned off. It didn't feel promising. Mark asked if I knew another way. Really?? We ended up taking the lead from some other unsafe drivers and BACKED up off  the ramp and headed down a different one. Somehow, two hours later, we found ourselves on a road located on the map, heading in the opposite direction of our hotel location. About the same time I tried my luck with lady Garmin. Why I didn't demand my turn earlier who knows. I got it working within a few pushed buttons and it eventually gave great directions to our hotel.

Learning that yes, I am indeed better at navigating, was just one of the many lessons learned on our "vacation". We also learned to never go on a trip alone together, again. We are boring. We didn't know what to do in our free time. Mark talked on the phone with clients a lot, and I tried to find something entertaining. Mark had to eat ALL the time and since it took a while to get anywhere, I think we spent most of our time driving places to eat. Maybe Mark was sick, but I swear I forced some good conversation that just didn't take. I learned that I could never live in a big city, Mark shouldn't be allowed to drive in one, and I will not show Mark cool Nikes I like, he will buy them for himself first. Mark and I grew increasingly aware we were small town folk. Deciding to fancy things up, we ate at the Space Needle. It didn't seem too expensive on the internet, 35 dollars average for dinner. They don't mention salad, appetizers, sides, and garnish are all additional charges. Plus, they have a 35 dollar minimum. I wasn't that hungry, Mark was on a 2 hour feeding schedule and I wasn't used to that. All I really wanted was something off the appetizer menu, but it was 35 bucks anyway ya sliced it so I ordered me up some food off the big menu. During dinner, I somehow got my shoe stuck on a heat vent. Did I mention the restaurant rotates? It does, but not the outer wall. We were on the verge of a serious problem, an embarassing problem. I freed my foot just in time. After meeting some interesting people that wouldn't quite fit in here in the bubble and trying not to show the shock on our faces, we decided we had had enough of downtown Seattle. Luckily, I was able to walk out with both feet.

Our homeward journey had a few more lessons just in case we hadn't had enough. FYI, Hyundais run a few miles on empty, there is traffic on the interstate all the time, and the best time to hit the Seatac airport is 2 on a Saturday afternoon. No one was there--or spoke English. I was trying so hard not to be rude, but I think I gave my fair share of blank stares, trying to figure out what they had just told me. Arriving at security, we met our first American, English as a first language worker. I wanted the nice, hard to understand people back. They were at least friendly and patient. There was NO ONE in front or behind us, but the lady decided I somehow was holding up time as we knew it. She rolled her eyes as I started the security process, making me a little flustered. She was pretty disgusted with me dropping my shoe, struggling with my belt, and trying to use the buckets provided. Our little airport makes you put everything in buckets, she wanted everything on the conveyer belt. She did her best to motivate me, but the more she barked, the more nervous I became and the harder it was to get everything the way she wanted. I would hate to see how she was in a stressful situation and with an actual amount of people there.

Mark and his seagull friend eating fish and chips at the pier. This was maybe the third meal of the day?

This girl was much more daring than we were. I made the smart choice and sat us under the overhang where we could watch the seagulls in safety. She trusted they wouldn't leave her presents I guess. I was willing to share Mark's food, but I didn't trust they would keep the after effects to themselves.

The seemingly innocent, but dangerous needle with its rotating tricks. It took a while to get used to, and after it had lulled me into complacency, it struck! Oh, and did you know that you can see mountains in Alaska from the top?? Hehe, this what Mark pointed out, I knew he meant Canada and was exaggerating that even, but ALASKA?? WOW! That is amazing. I should be nice, he has chemo brain, but it was fun teasing him about it for awhile. Nice weather though!

Really pretty, actual view from the top. Did you know that these buidlings are actually in Alaska? Ok, it is just downtown Seattle, but still pretty cool.

Overall, I am glad we were able to get away from home, even for just a few days. I wish Mark would have felt better, and we would have had a better agenda, but Washington is one of my favorite places to visit. Can't say we didn't have a learning adventure. On the trip, we did get a call from our social worker. We hope to be approved by the adoption committee in the following week. Hurray! Four months and counting......

Yuck

Just a quick update to let everyone know what has been happening lately. I will have to post pictures when I have more time. Mark and I went to Seattle last week. It was beautiful and sunny there, go figure. We had a good time. It felt good to get away. We haven't ventured far from the house in MONTHS. However, Mark was basically sick the entire time. He has been feeling down for about 3 weeks and couldn't kick it. He took a Z-Pack last week and it didn't do a thing. He fought a fever all day Sunday so I knew things weren't well. Monday was supposed to be chemotherapy, but we discovered that he had pneumonia. No chemo this week at all. He did receive IV antibiotics and some more pills. He has started to feel a little better, but I caught whatever bug he had and have been fighting it the last few days. I guess it is my turn to be sick. I don't know how you moms do it! Taking care of kids when you feel terrible. I was grateful I could mostly just veg. I did have to go to work both days, but I survived.

I will have to dedicate a special post about our Seattle adventure. Mark and I solidified our country bumpkin status once again. I don't think we will ever be great city folk.

Yes--I am aware

I know that I am one of those crazy animal lover people who boggles the mind of those around me. Someday, if I outlive Mark (which, for a number or reasons, I think the odds are in my favor:) ), I might--or probably will turn into one of those old ladies that numbs the loneliness with cats, dogs, and birds. At least I can admit that I am slightly crazy and humanize my pets. Mark, it might be best that I go first....keep it in mind!

This last week was about as dreary as the weather. Last summer was ridiculous and I don't think we had much of one. So far, things are shaping up to be the same way. After two days of rather enjoyable weather, one of which ended in puppy tragedy, it has been miserable! I am so tired of wind, cold, and wet. Adding to the dreariness, Mark has been sick almost every day. Chemo seemed to kick him down harder and faster than usual. On top of that, the doctor suspects he caught some bug the rest of us normal people are immune to. Thus, our little family has been enjoying the dark, dreary, dampness of the bat cave, Roxy included.

As previously stated, Roxy can be tough to reason with. She has felt much better and has longed for days chasing cats, and playing her made up games with herself out in her kennel. I have had to be the bad guy, letting her out only to do her business. I also am the one that shoves pills down her throat, sticks the cone on, and takes her to the vet. Mark, the hero, takes the cone off and shares Cheetos. I can see how future parenting is going to go.

The guilt finally caught up with me and I made a special trip that all moms take when their children need doctoring--CAL Ranch. I picked up a few items needed to craft a wonderful bandage. I won't admit to the amount spent in certain supplies, but I made sure they were top notch and fashionable. After arming myself with various tape and Coflex in a variety of spring colors, I felt confident I could construct the perfect bandage that would allow Roxy some much needed freedom. To spare myself and Roxy embarrassment, I did not take a picture. The first attempt was secure, but did not allow much movement. The second attempt appeared to be flexible yet sturdy. I underestimated Roxy and the getup lasted about 30 minutes. I felt quite defeated, that is until yesterday.

I am a very clever person. It only takes about 2 weeks. My best ideas come after the situation has come and gone. My best comebacks come in the middle of the night, days after the jab. Moving dialogue and amazing lecture moments occur days after the actual lecture. I am very clever, it is my timing that is incredibly off. My latest and greatest idea is no different. After days of taping handcrafted bandages onto Roxy's torso, the lightbulb finally went off. A shirt!! Roxy needs a shirt. It will provide protection against dirt, scratching, and licking. A shirt will provide excellent mobility.  Roxy can't take the shirt off on her own.  And last of all, Roxy will look quite fashionable. I knew I had one or two extra t-shirts and rummaged through my closet to find the perfect one.

Ta-dah! It is a shirt, bandage, nightgown, and ID tag all in one! The cone of shame has been retired. Roxy is very proud to wear my old flag football shirt. For those of you that can't make out the writing:

 

If football is your religion

Prepare to meet your maker

RESTRAINED

'Nough said.

A Different Patient

Being the excellent nurse that I am....ahem, I often get frustrated with my patients. I get after Mark once in awhile for not being a better patient. He has been better recently, very low maintenance. He still isn't very good about telling me what he wants or needs until desperation sets in. His biggest complaint is getting hungry. If it is not satisfied immediately, Mark gets sick and irritable. It appears to be a manageable problem, except that he can never decide what he wants to eat or what he wants me to make. I feel we have a daily dinner argument that usually results in him cooking a hot dog on the bbq. I think we are grateful for warmer weather that allows for grilling.

Mark received his 6th cycle of chemotherapy today. Two more to go. It is crazy to think how close we are to being done. He was not very excited about going today. The first words he uttered, "I don't want to go today." That is the kind of communication that I am looking for! Knowing today could have been the last had it not been in his bone marrow was a little frustrating for him. I know that I am not the one enduring treatment, but I am grateful he has two more. Lets take it all down at once. I am fearful of the future a little bit. I have nightmares of resurgence. I am pretty good now at dealing with the present. Overall, today went well. I, however, missed most of it. As one patient gets better, another, more difficult one has emerged.

I am nervous about sharing this next story for two reasons. The first, having the rest of you laugh at me because, yes my dog at the moment is my child. For those of you with actual children, or who do not love animals with the same zeal, I will probably look pretty silly. The second has to do with the good people on the other side of this unfortunate incident. They have been really great and I don't want to paint them as villains. They have been wonderfully concerned and helpful, accepting responsibility. There are no winners that's for sure.

My sweet golden retriever and I were on a walk Tuesday night, and got attacked by a pretty big dog. It was pretty terrifying, and I handled with the greatest of hysterics. I am realizing that I am not great at emergencies--really glad I didn't choose to be an ambulance person or something of that nature. I had Roxy leashed and we were walking home when this angry dog comes flying from the backyard of a house across the street. I knew he was more interested in Roxy than me. She is the most timid, loving dog out there and I knew she was in trouble. I stuck her behind me to shield her and yell at the other dog. It didn't phase him at all. He went through me, and immediately took Roxy down. I felt sheer panic as I tried everything to get that dog off mine. Roxy screamed, the other dog shook. I was feeling pretty helpless at the moment and was sure my dog was going to die as I stood and watched. Fortunately, the owner was in his yard and got to us pretty quickly to restrain his dog. Roxy was hurt, I was emotional, and we headed home. To top it all off, I was already late picking up Mark from the airport. He had been in Dallas on business (yes, he is feeling that well!). I didn't have time to inspect her or gather my senses before I rushed down to get Mark.

When we got home, we found a mess. The wounds were deep and she was very sore, unwilling to walk. I cleaned her up and sat with her until morning. Roxy spent most of Wednesday at the vet getting stitched up from the inside out. I am happy to report that she is doing well. I am still not totally at peace despite the fact she has done very well today, even walking. She is at a high risk for infection and currently has a drain in place. She has to be watched constantly to make sure she isn't pulling it out, licking it, and not being too active. So, now I am playing nurse to a dog. Like Mark, she doesn't communicate all that well, but she is pretty sure she wants to eat dog food for breakfast and dinner. She can't read her instruction sheet or take her medications on her own, but Mark isn't very good at that either. I have to read the bottles to him too. When unsupervised, Roxy gets to wear this:

I thought these only existed in movies. She isn't to fond of "the cone of shame" and I can't say that I blame her. I have had a few laughs at her expense, she doesn't seem to understand the radius of the cone. She constantly scares herself by running into the walls or doors. I felt pretty bad for her when I saw her trying to drink with it on; the cone hit the floor and her mouth was a good few inches from the bowl. I have kept a close eye on her to minimize cone use, I feel like she has suffered enough. This picture doesn't give it justice, but does give you a sense of why she acts a little sore:

This picture refuses to center--sorry. Anyway, the drain you can see is just above her elbow. She has a few puncture wounds underneath the armpit. Around the drain is still open wound, we hope that can be closed Monday. Like I said, the picture doesn't give it justice. She definitely took one for the team. It is pretty cliche, but Roxy is my best friend and a loyal companion. The night of Mark's diagnosis, Roxy knew something was wrong and wouldn't leave my side. She was there when I just needed a good cry and some comfort. I hate to see my friends hurt.

Sorry for those of you wanting to see pictures of Mark. He was by far the boring patient this week. He is feeling great, even decided to get some dirt moved out in the garden tonight. I tried to convince him that it had rained all day and the dirt was mud, but he wants it all ready for planting. I wonder who he thinks will eat all those vegetables. Roxy and I are pretty much anti-vegetable. My dad suggested putting the cone on Mark to see if it would slow him down--not a bad idea.

In closing, hopefully this post is long and exciting enough to make up for the fact I forgot to blog for two weeks. I didn't notice it had been that long until I got on to post this one. I will try to conjure up more excitement and write more frequently. I hope it is good excitement. This sick and afflicted stuff is getting old. Now that our part of the adoption process is officially over, I hope the next news we hear in that regard is much happier than what we have been dealing with. We continue to appreciate the love and support, the kind words, and comments.

New Balance

I like to pretend I am a runner. I am one of those runners who have a love/hate relationship with the sport. I love when I am done, I hate when it is on the "to do" list. I also run to finish, not to win. I like to plod around and hack out a few miles and if it takes me twice as long as others, I usually feel ok about that. I remember when I ran my first marathon, I was warming up at the starting line with an elderly man in a full back brace. I got a little nervous about receiving the beatdown from him, and that was the most pressure I have put on myself in a race---"don't finish last, don't let the guy in traction beat me."

When Mark got sick, I decided it would be cool to do another marathon and to do it for a purpose. I am only a few weeks into training, and I don't know if "cool" is the word I would use to describe it anymore. I don't remember it being this laborious and painful the first time around. I can only remember how good it felt to say I had actually finished it. I must have selective memory. I have learned one thing from running, shoes matter! Shoes can make or break me, my body doesn't love the strain running puts on it, but it is bearable with a good pair of shoes. I always try to wear my old ones too long, and I always regret it. This year was no different. My joints were killing me as I trudged in my heavily worn, but rather attractive shoes. I should care more about performance than appearance, but I am a girl, and I do have a slight matching fetish. I swore to myself a long time ago that I would never own a pair of New Balances because they are ugly and have this huge "N" on the side of the shoe. They couldn't come up with a better logo? Didn't some kid come up with the Nike swoosh? Aren't there people whose job it is to brand things? Really, the best you could come up with is a huge "N"? Alas, here are my new shoes:

I hate to say it, but I love them. They are incredibly comfortable and my hips are so glad.  As I stared at the unfortunate branding the other night, I decided this is exactly what Mark and I are trying to do with our lives, we are trying to find a "new balance." I feel like the last few months have gone so fast. Our lives flipped upside down, but it is now finding itself back on track, in balance. There is a definite light at the end of this tunnel. However, I don't think it will ever officially leave. Mark and I are different now. Our home visit is this next week, and it might change our lives more so than anything else we have ever had to deal with yet. I go back to work soon and it feels like obstacles are flying from every direction. I hope that whatever happens in the next few months, Mark and I are able to figure out how to maintain balance in our lives, a good "new balance."

Mark had his fifth cycle of chemotherapy yesterday.  He is officially on the downhill slide. We are so grateful to have a clinic here that can provide Mark with everything he needs. Mark gets treated right in the clinic. Here is a picture of the room:

We are quite partial to the corner chair. It is ours, we have to have it each time. It is amazing that most days, all these chairs are filled. There is a whole row of chairs on the other side of the room as well. We love to meet people as they come and go. Everyone's treatment is different, and some people aren't there as long as others. Mark seems like he is there all day, and we have gotten to meet a lot of people that way. His body is used to the medication now, and yesterday the infusions went the quickest yet. We got there at 9, and left a little before 3. Not bad considering the first time we went I thought we were going to have to spend the night. Mark's in his spot, chatting with our rockstar nurse. We love her!

Mark wanted me to take a picture of his port in use. Perhaps to prove that he really doesn't have a third nipple and it really is a port. I secretly think he wanted to show off the amazing figure. Ok, it actually is pretty cool how convenient the port is. They connect this to the IV drip and he sleeps while everything else does all the work.

I know that I have not been posting as frequently. Take it as good news, our lives are truly kind of boring day to day. Pretty normal stuff, which I am trying to learn to appreciate better. Once again, thank you all for thinking of us and keeping tabs on us. We have had a wonderful outpouring from family, friends, and even strangers. Mark and I feel insignificantly important. We are just two regular people who have seen some pretty amazing things and have been greatly blessed by a loving Heavenly Father. He loves us, is mindful of us, and we are important to Him. I hope we can do our part in return.

Near Complete Resolution

How awesome are those words? Mark's body loves chemotherapy. As thought, he has responded unbelievably to treatment and his PET scan came back as clean as a scan could. In fact, had he not have had a positive bone marrow biopsy, we would have been done. His scan looked completely normal. I think the word the doctor used was "boring." Mark and I are back to being boring people!  He will continue to have 8 total treatments, so 4 more, but only to ensure that it won't come back. There wasn't even residual scar tissue really, so at this point, radiation therapy might not have to happen after all!

It was bizarre to see the before and after pictures, I wish I had them and I would post them. That ugly, massive, "blob of evilness" (that was what my friend called it the other day, and I loved it!) is gone. It grew in a matter of weeks, and just as fast, faded away into history. Miracles have not ceased, fasting and prayers are answered, and modern medicine is incredible. I want to thank you all for your fasting, prayers, and faith. Mark's progress is a direct result of it I am sure. I feel like our lives might actually be normal again, sooner rather than later. Our cancer card has an expiration date! We better start using it more:)

If that news wasn't happy enough, here is another dose of joy. Our home visit is now scheduled and is right around the corner. That is our official last step in our adoption home study. After that, we will hopefully be approved for adoption. That is the best news of all. Mark will be dad, I will be a mom. does it get any better than that? I hope we aren't viewed as damaged goods, we will just show them the after pictures!

I am so happy right now that I am only slightly upset that it is snowing outside. I am also really glad that today was no April Fool's joke. It is nice to get some good news and positivity happening.

Put Me in the Game Coach!

The disclaimer: Mark agrees to poke fun at himself only after the administration of the Ativan.

With the help of my dad and a good friend, I was able to get Mark an incredible Christmas present this year. Mark is the biggest BYU fan ever. His family has been season ticket holders since he was six. I was able to find an actual helmet and Bronco Mendenhall signed it for Mark. It has been the gift that keeps on giving. When Mark got it, the first thing he did was take out the safety bar the manufacturer put in it to ensure no one could wear it. He was so excited to stick it on his head. I had visions of the kid wearing it in the car, during flag football games, sleeping etc. It is a small thing that brings us joy and reminds Mark of a lot of good memories with his family.

Among Dr. Hancock's many admirable qualities, the fact he is also an avid BYU ranks supreme. That and the fact he lets Mark ask the same questions and repeats himself multiple times. Mark loves to reminisce with him about the best BYU moments of all time. He couldn't wait to show off his helmet. I convinced Mark that he should gear up for the back poke and wear the helmet. He initially wanted to sneak it in and just have it on when the doctor came in, but it is a hard thing to hide. While he was doped up, I convinced him that even though the joke was off, he should wear it anyway and I took a few pictures because honestly, it looks pretty hilarious. Mostly because of the background decor.

The helmet matches that princess background and pink pillow pretty well don't you think? I also like the hanging bag of chemo. Interesting mix.

Mark assuming the correct back poke position

Mark and our favorite, fearless doctor. I think they should both be at spring camp.

One size fits most. Sorry about the eyes Dallin! He didn't know I was snapping shots. This might sound strange, but Mark and I look forward to chemo days. The entire office is full of amazing people who make our day. We love the staff and we love the patients. We have met so many people who are fighting their own battles and they never cease to amaze us. Mark and I have it pretty easy. In fact, yesterday marked a half way point. He has now had four of eight treatments. His first scan is this coming Tuesday, and we expect there to be a remarkable difference, even nothing! It will be great to visually see the progress Mark knows he is having. He feels better now than he has in months. After a fun-filled morning and a slick, quick back poke, Mark spent the rest of the afternoon like this:

Sorry Mark! In my defense, I haven't posted a sleeping picture for a really long time. I would be slightly concerned about sleeping in a room full of people. As you can see, it doesn't seem to bother Mark at all. I look pretty silly when I sleep and I have been known to drool. In fact, my mom has albums of me sleeping, drooling all over and I usually have my hands on my face. Mark used to look through them and laugh so this really is only pay back. At least he has a good excuse.