Onward Ho

 

Nothing new and exciting around these parts, just doing our daily routine and feeling awfully drained for no good reason. Mark has caught his yearly cold/pneumonia, it's an August tradition. Paige and I have really been busy doing nothing, not sure how that works. This weekend we help my brother move in and I am pretty excited to have some of my family within a few hours drive. Next week we board the big plane to go see my parents. Paige is excited and talks about the plane everyday. She told me last night that we are riding the plane to see Boppa, and that he is going to take her to the park because he is "so nice." Never mind her mother takes her to the park multiple times a week. I'm sure the park Boppa has in mind is way better! Just to make sure my mom doesn't feel left out, she rounded out the conversation by conceding that "Mamma is nice too." Paige then told me it was time to sing one more song and then she needed to go to bed. Paige certainly is the boss! Not going to argue with her on that one though.

 

Besides our epic battle with the potty, Paige has decided naps aren't cool. However, Mom thinks naps are super cool and necessary. She still needs them and when she doesn't have one, the evening is full of meltdowns. We go through phases like this all the time, and I hope she gets back into the nap phase soon. I always feel amazing when I yell at her to get back in her bed and go to sleep. I'm sure it's awfully relaxing and soothing. Paige will now run to her bed, climb in, and pretend she is asleep when she hears me turn the door knob. Clever young one, but I watched you climb back in! Paige hates all food that is actually food, and the other night she saw me pull dinner from the oven. She told me it was gross, put herself in her room, and told me "I'm not gonna eat that, I am gonna be naughty." I was able to coax her into actually trying a bite thanks to our previous reading of "Green Eggs and Ham." Wouldn't you know it, she actually didn't hate it once it was in her mouth! For the record, it was spaghetti casserole, smothered in cheese. Wasn't like I was trying to get her to eat asparagus or something. She is kind of a sight and texture freak. If it looks weird, it is, and if it feels strange in her mouth, I get it back right away. 

 

 

Paige gets really excited about new clothes. We put her new dress on and curled her hair, and she told me she was "so pretty." She then gave me her prettiest smile. I'm sorry, but she's adorable.

 

We've hit up the carousel a few times this summer, probably not enough. We've come along way though, and we can now leave without throwing a tantrum. Makes it a happy event from beginning to end!

 

Paige was not excited I took this picture, but this is her current favorite thing to play with. We take turns wearing the crown, and she waves the wand and says, "abra cadabra." She loves being the princess, and loves when she makes me the princess. In the last few weeks she has played with her toys better than ever. She will go upstairs all on her own, and I can hear her playing and entertaining herself. I love to listen to her and see her imagination at work. It must be an age thing? Seriously her toys were largely ignored until this point. She has also been obsessed with this v-tech toy that teaches writing. She gets the loud one, I get the magna doodle, and we write. Talking toys are beyond annoying, but I think it's possible she is learning so annoying toy it is!

 

Mark was roping the dummy, and Paige decided to grab her rope, which is twine string, and she headed for Mark while he heeled. It was hilarious, she really took it seriously. I couldn't get any closer without interrupting, but had to capture their daddy daughter moment! Loving these late summer nights. Still in mourning that they are numbered.

 

 

With the close of summer comes the silver lining....college football! Seriously though, it rules the roost in the Fall. Mark and I are obsessed. Last night the season kicked off and we watched a whole lot of boring games just because it was football. Saturday is BYU's first game and when the real fun begins. Mark and I are already nervous and I am trying to be realistic and am setting myself up for a mediocre season. That way I am not disappointed and super surprised if it fares better!

 

Yesterday was also a mess. As much as tell myself that the adoption thing is going on hold, and I am not going to think about it, I am forced to think about it. I really try to just move on with the days and not stress about it, but it never seems to work. I honestly think the time isn't right. I know it isn't. I know we can wait and be more patient. I get so anxious for something to happen, and then kind of scared when I think something actually could. I get pretty scared at times to add #2. I hope all moms feel this way. It scares me to think they will out number me 2-1 while Mark is at work, and my patience could be much worse when sleep deprived. But then, I see babies, or baby things, or remember what it is like to snuggle a sleeping newborn and I get anxious. Anyway, I woke up and had an email in our adoption email inbox, and of course was freaking out. I spent most of the day researching if it was a scam. Love it. Love having to put ourselves out there but that is the price you pay. You have to put yourself out there! Anyway, after spending the morning feeling out the situation only to be discourage the only emails we get from itsaboutlove.org seem to be scams, I got an email late last night that a baby girl had been born in Texas and papers were being signed today at 1, and they needed a family urgently. The birth mother was looking at profiles and wanted more options. I so badly wanted to send our profile in for this beautiful, healthy, baby girl, but the fees are just so expensive. It was actually lower than most, and for an already born baby with less risk involved, it really pulled at my heart strings. Adoption is just emotionally draining. I knew the situation wasn't for us, even though I wanted it to be so badly. I just think it's crazy that in one day we can have two very different extremes. I suppose it's the equivalent of having morning sickness and other not fun things about being pregnant. Bringing a baby into your home is a process of high and lows, no matter which route you take. I know being pregnant would be a challenge, but I get a little irritated when people tell me how much easier it must be to adopt. Mark and I have both felt very frustrated and deflated this week. It hurts. It's not easy, but it is worth it. So---onward ho!