So. Far. Behind.

My computer is fickle, and most of the time I'm too impatient to deal with getting on it in any fashion. BUT, I miss blogging and I miss having my blog up to date. I am not sure anyone reads this anymore, but hopefully if I tackle things a bit at a time, I can catch up the last few months. Pictures might be skimpy, because they take the longest to manage and don't quite fit into the Reader's Digest version of things. However, pictures is why anyone comes to this party so we will do our best!

When I last wrote, Mark had just made a career move. He had about two weeks off in between jobs, so we decided to go to Maui on the fly. We booked tickets Saturday night and left Thursday. The best part was we took Paige's birthmom Liv with us. I am SO glad she was able to be spontaneous with us. We loved having her along and she was so much help. Paige adores her and still talks about all the fun they had together. Liv is much more of a water baby than I am, which turned out well for me. I got to stay on the dry sand while Paige, Liv, and Mark braved the cold water. The weather was not great, but I can't complain...it was Maui!

 

The first day was super rainy, so we hit up the aquarium which Paige loved.

 

I think I have a picture with the actual "S" for shark, but I'm too lazy to delete and re-add.

 

These two, love them both so much!

 

Mark and I love to drive and explore. Since it was rainy, we jumped in the car and set out. Unfortunately for Liv, she gets car sick. And she wasn't dressed for our spontaneous hikes to blow holes. None of us were, we traversed our way down slick, red, muddy, lava rocks on this particular excursion.

 

Liv was a trooper hiking in those flip flops! I was grateful to have packed extra wet wipes so we could all bathe. Paige's new pink Toms were quickly broken in.

 

Perfect little formation with a perfect little girl.

 

These itty, bitty single lane roads were interesting. SO curvy. Liv and Paige both struggled without Dramamine.

 

Iao Needle, the landscape was just unreal.

 

Beach time

 

What mom did while the others swam.

 

Mark, Paige, and I let  Liv enjoy the resort life while we went on a whale watching tour. It was super cool and we saw all sorts of humpback whales, even a mom and baby.

 

The last day we went on the Road to Hana and Liv bowed out of the notoriously crazy road trip. Some random tourist took this great photo with his finger included and me looking oh so not photogenic. That part wasn't his fault though....

 

 

I am glad we lived by the seat of our pants for once and just set out. We have never really been on a trip where Mark didn't have to worry about work so it was nice to actually relax. It was a great little getaway and we were so grateful Liv was able to join us!

Well, Hello There

Goodness. Apparently blogging was not on my list of New Year's resolutions. I cannot believe it has been since Christmas that I updated this thing. I blame this on a variety of things. First, I can't say life has been all that exciting. Second, flat out laziness. Third, some more laziness. I've felt uninspired and let's face it, I knew January would be that way. I have had a lot of thoughts and internal struggles and I have always go back and forth between wanting to write about them or keep them to myself. Writing can be pretty therapeutic for me, but I also hate feeling like I am putting too much out there. Maybe some of those posts will come to fruition. In the meantime, I suppose I will do a Reader's Digest version of the last three months.

Mark was pretty intent on going snowboarding this year. He really wanted to go over Christmas, but it was like below freezing and I have a general rule it needs to be about 30 degrees before I even THINK about wanting to do snow activities. I really hate the cold! I am glad we waited, because we ended up going on the perfect Friday. Beth and Jared were able to join us which made things a million times more fun. Because I turned 80 and I am pretty much the most accident prone person ever, I made Mark rent me a helmet--that didn't really fit. But, since I got a concussion the last time I went, well over 4 years ago, I was glad to have something. Things felt so awkward at first, and I was super spooked with my wrist. Snowboarding and sore wrists are a problem anyway, I was really hesitant to take any risks. I didn't want to fall and stick that arm out in any way! As such, I was pretty much the loser in the helmet that was the last one down every run.

January

 

 

 

Thanks for all the pictures Beth! My meager blog audience thanks you.

 

I  felt pretty guilty about this little shot for the entire day. Notice the rope? Notice how are snowboards are like under the rope? The groomed track was too slick to steady myself enough for a picture so I put my board on the non-groomed portion just under the rope. We got yelled at by ski patrol for breaking boundary rules and risking our lives due to the huge cornice and cliff we apparently were standing on. Being the non-rule breaker type I am, I felt GUILTY the entire rest of the day for breaking rules and being such a risk taker, not valuing human life. True story. But at least we got a good picture.

 

 

We had  monkey jumping on the bed late one Saturday night and got to take a special trip into an Urgent Care for some glue and steri-strips. We felt like we lucked out finding one still open, saved us an ER trip! She has a pretty good scar I am trying to help with Mederma. It isn't helping yet. But the bump looks better. Little stink has a knack for hitting the exact same spot on her forward every few months. She has a permanent bump for sure.

 

I broke my rule about only venturing out in the snow on warm days. It didn't seem like the weather was a big deal until we go out there. This was one cold sleigh ride out on the Elk Refuge! Like, freezing. But we had a good time. There was hardly any snow to pull the sleigh, but enough wind and chill to make up for it. Paige thought it was cool at first, but I think it lasted a little long for her.

 

Love me some drafts!

 

On the way home, we saw this fun little snow festival and there were some seriously impressive snow sculptures. Fun little add to the adventure! Mark's 14 year old niece was up with us for the weekend so we tried our best to be cool and show her a good time. Not sure we succeeded, but we loved having her. Lauren is a super nice girl, hope Paige grows up to be just like her!

 

 

February

 

 

I have been helping out with early morning conditioning at the high school for girls soccer. It is early and wow, I am losing motivation to go. Fortunately, this week is the last week. I am not a morning person. I did catch this on my way home one day. No filter or Photoshop here, just amazing!

 

The weather decided to be awesome in February. I feel like this was a personal gift to me. Early spring is certainly a good way to make me happy about life. It is really hard for me to be cooped up all winter. I think this winter was really hard for Paige as well. We have seemed to be on each other's nerves a bit more at times. She really looks forward to preschool days and going to the gym. The first nice day, we took off to the church so she could ride her bike. It was the first time she cut lose on the  big stage. Before now, she has always just rode in our garage. She LOVED it and rode her bike for at least 2 hours. Felt so good to be outside. Paige loves to be outside for sure.

 

My grandpa had his 90th birthday part in on Valentine's Day. It was so fun seeing family and celebrating his life. My grandpa is an amazing guy and I feel blessed to have a relationship with him.

 

Grandma looked so pretty and I am glad to have snapped such a cute picture of the three of us. This lady is my hero. She is an incredible person!

 

Sam, Courtney, and their cute boys came over for the party and stayed for the long weekend. These little guys had a blast on the  "farm" and Paige was so excited to have friends over. They all played so well and we sure loved having them. Even Roxy got in on the fun!

 

Nothing better than having some cousins to play make-believe with! Paige's restaurant stayed hopping most of the weekend. And I was glad I didn't have to be the customer for once.

 

I swear I can count on one hand how many times we have seen Beth and her crew this winter. Seems like they've gotten some sort of sickness all winter long. We were so happy to get an invite for an adventure. We went out to see Beth's horses, but spent most of the time wandering around with these explorers.

 

Dad sent a little Valentine to Paige in the mail. I handed it to her in the car. When I put her to bed later that night I saw she had stuck it here on her night stand. Seriously the cutest thing ever. I may have shed a tear or two.

 

Paige started gymnastics this month and seems to really love it. We needed another activity to keep things fun for her. She has only been twice, but so far I am impressed with her willingness to try anything and she is a very good listener. I love being a fly on the wall and seeing how she interacts when I am not there. And she's adorable in a leotard.

 

We made a trip down to Utah to attend a bridal shower and spend some time with Paige's birth family. I pretty much adore them. I love having an awesome relationship with them. Paige had the best weekend and loved being the center of attention. She played with the girls all weekend long and I felt like I had to bribe her to come home with me!

 

Liv gave her this adorable little bear. Paige calls it Princess Bear and it now sleeps with her other babies in Paige's bed. Does my heart good.

 

Mark has been making comments about Paige's out of control hair. I was starting to agree and almost gave in to a trim. I spent a morning brushing her hair and looked at the finished product and then decided to never cut her hair again. Look at that! I am entirely jealous. It was so soft, long, shiny, straight, thick, and blonde! Sorry Mark.

 

Being sort of obsessed with what I like to call athletic fashion, I decided Paige needed to roll to gymnastics in style. I found this adorable outfit on clearance at TJ Maxx and I am in love. Paige is a fun mix of girly girl, farm girl, and now my little athlete. It was fun for me to see her in something I would actually kill to wear. Fun to have a mini me for once!

 

 

Another reason blogging has been a challenge for me was because I entered the world of Instagram to participate in a adoption challenge. It was  a way to self network and hopefully connect to someone considering adoption. I felt at the very least, it would remind our friends and family we were still hoping to adopt. Each day I had a topic and needed to post a picture about it. Some were easy, and some required more thought. I only had so much social media creativity to go around, and blogging slipped by the wayside. The overall feedback was positive, but I only had connections from friends and family. A few strangers would weigh in and a few followed me, but that almost just makes me nervous. Who knows, maybe something will still come of it.

 

We just renewed our fingerprints for the third time, meaning we have been on this journey for almost three years. It was exactly one year ago our first match failed, and we got our first email from our second. It has been a really hard time for me, reflecting back on what might have been, remembering how excited we were to have this incredible expectant mom reaching out to us. How I loved her and how I looked forward to May. And now, here we are a year later and still in the same spot, just with more heartache. It's been a challenge in oh so many ways and I am not sure what to do or where to go next. I did send our application fee to an agency last week, so hopefully something comes of that. We will need to redo our entire home study this summer since LDSFS is no longer doing them and will not update our existing one. Boo. I have mixed feelings about the partnership with Adoption.com. I learned today that they only have a 10% match rate. Ouch. That isn't that good. We had a lot of people contact us about it after seeing it on the news and on Facebook. We have never felt like signing up before because it is a hot bed for scams. That is the last thing I can deal with right now. But maybe we will have to give it a second look. There are days where I just feel at my wits end and kind of want to pull my hair out. I have had a huge range of emotions from fear, guilt, anger, frustration, confusion, you name it. I am trying to maintain perspective and faith in the Lord and in his timing. I haven't mastered it yet. 

 

Just last week, Mark made a big job/career move. This was an incredibly challenging few weeks for us. I am excited and scared all rolled into one. Mark has worked for Navex for 7 years now, and they have been wonderful. We loved it! They've been through a lot with us and it felt like we were leaving family or something. Mark is working for a brand new company and is only the 20th employee. It definitely feels a bit risky, but it also feels like a new and exciting opportunity. He will still work from home which is a blessing. I think Mark was ready for a change and really wanted something he could get fired up about. If all goes well, it really is an amazing opportunity. It is just hard for me to leave the security blanket and comfort zone behind. I kind of like living in my safe little box sometimes. I really have a hard time with fear and it often paralyzes me, prevents me from trying new things. It has been a rollercoaster for sure. His last day was Friday and he has a little bit of a break before he hits the ground running again. Hopefully we can spend some good time together, recharge, and that the new adventure is a good one.

Christmas

 

Christmas came lightening quick. Christmas Eve just did not feel like Christmas Eve. We had such a nice December, with no snow. It was like the best Christmas present ever. I even mentioned to Mark how grateful I was and how the heavens were gifting me. I spoke too soon. That night it snowed like 8 inches and blew all over place. I should know better. I am starting to feel like the heavens maybe cursing me...

 

We were all still feeling pretty junky and full of snot, but Patti's 12 days of Christmas were still going strong. The Monday before Christmas we went caroling, something I had never done before. I didn't feel great, Mark hates singing, and it was cold so we were kind of dreading it. But we had such a great time. Paige loved it and said multiple times how fun it was. She has a serious obsession with Jingle Bells and since it was one of the few songs we all knew the words to, it got sang quite a bit. Christmas Eve we crashed another Crapo party and felt grateful to be included.

 

Paige and Bowen holding down the kids table. Bowen is eating real food, Paige is eating a bowl full of shredded cheese.

 



 

Patti even included Paige in the cousin Christmas jammies. Seriously, Paige was on cloud 9. I felt so grateful to them for letting us crash all their family events. They are a wonderful, close knit family, and we felt blessed to be a part!

 

Paige and all her friends

 

Christmas morning at our house. All the parties were catching up with Paige. She didn't wake up until about 9:30. If only I had known she planned on sleeping in, it would have been the best Christmas present ever to sleep until 9:30! Paige's big bean bag chair couldn't fit in Santa's sleigh, so hopefully we see that through the mail here in a week or so. Santa's elf had some ordering problems that didn't manifest themselves until the last minute. Guaranteed by Christmas does not in fact mean that. I have SO much to be grateful for, and having Paige in our lives is just the best, but man, Christmas morning sometimes just feels awfully quiet and incomplete. It is a strange feeling. I remember last Christmas thinking how different this one would be, and here we were, in exactly the same place. Except with our hearts more guarded and a bit scarred. There are days I feel pretty positive and patient about the whole adoption. Other times the road just feels LONG. Oh it gets hard. And discouraging. And old. And confusing.

 

Christmas cereal lives on! This tradition is something my family does.

 

Paige in her Christmas jammies finally ready to go.

 

We lack a photographer and the ability to take good pictures of ourselves, but we tried.

 

And then this happened. Everyone else in the world was so excited about a white Christmas, and I was the realistic one who hates cold and snow. We went to dinner at Mark's parents and then went to visit my grandparents. By the time we got home, there was some serious wind and drifting. Our neighbors got stuck, we got stuck, then Mark got stuck trying to get us unstuck. It became a neighborhood affair and about an hour later we were all able to get out. I really think that people who love this type of weather need to be evaluated. Snow, I loathe you.

 

Paige mostly got toy food and My Little Pony paraphernalia. She loves to play restaurant and throw parties. I got her a sandwich kit, cake, and money. It has been a huge hit. She did FaceTime with Mom, Dad, and BJ and made them all food. When they were done, I started to pick things up and Paige got really upset. She told me I couldn't put the food away yet because her customers weren't done and she would lose their trust. No kidding, those were her exact words. Lose their trust. That kid takes it seriously! Mark got a new laptop bag that isn't as cool as I thought it was online. Kind of a bummer. Mark got me an iPhone 6 which is pretty stinking cool. I spent the next day setting everything up and updating iTunes. I finally imported all my old cd's and organized all my playlists. Memories for sure. I feel like I am 18 again, dragging Main and headed to soccer games blasting tunes.  It was a great Christmas and we feel very blessed to have each other, wonderful friends and family, and a renewed love for our Savior.  He IS the gift!

Pre-Christmas

 

I was pretty excited about Christmas and Paige's birthday this year. Paige is old enough to finally "get" things and she was excited about everything and it made the season really fun. It forces Mark and I to be a little more fun. We really are trying to figure out our own traditions and what we want to do now that it matters a lot more. Mark can be a bit of a Scrooge about some things, but even he made an effort this year to make things different and special. We still have a ways to go. My parents. well my mom, was a Christmas rock star. We had so  many fun little traditions that made it so magical. There are few things better than Christmas as a kid! 

 

 

We started things off by visiting Santa. We waited at least an hour to see him. Mark was out of town on business, so this was all Paige and I. Fortunately we had this crazy second Fall and it was really nice. Waiting outside wasn't too bad! Paige was a whole lot of talk and kind of froze up once she finally got to Santa. She wanted to give hugs and cuddles, but wasn't really interested in chit chat. She requested presents was all. Easy enough!

 

As much as I hate braces, they are working. I have seen a big difference in the last few months. This little beauty loves to take pictures and selfies. We are creating a social media monster!

 

Really though, could she be any cuter? And of course Kitty Cat has to be a part. That poor little cat is well loved.

 

Paige's birthday is always a little bittersweet for me. It is so hard to see time fly by. I can't believe my sweet little baby is 4. I remember the events leading up to and surrounding her birth like they were yesterday. I have never been so excited and anxious about anything in my entire life. It was so wonderful and SO hard. It was hard to watch her birth mom go through it. Broke my heart a bit to know I was breaking hers. It taught me so much about sacrifice, love, and really strengthened my testimony. Needless to say, Paige's birthday just feels extra special and a time of deep reflection. The last two years I have felt added pressure and sadness knowing another year has passed and she has yet to have a sibling. The age gap widens. It shouldn't matter, but it sometimes just feels like a big deal. A 4 year span.

 

 

I taped streamers up again for Paige. I must have either gotten high quality streamers or heavy duty tape, or both. Paige tried to break through these in the morning and bounced right off. I had to laugh a little bit. She woke up and was so excited about it being her birthday and being 4. Even though the door burst didn't go as planned, Paige loved it and made me tape them up a few times. One of the first things she asked me that morning was where her family was. I kept telling her that Mark and I were both there and we were her family. She wanted to know where the REST of her family was....umm...I guess Mark and I don't throw a big enough party!

 

I tried to fill the empty seats again with some of her babies. She has been on a birthday kick for months and these are always her party guests. I thought they'd do for the real deal, but apparently not! Not lively enough for Paige this time!

 

:Little one was super excited about her presents. My Little Pony was the them for birthday 4.0. She got spoiled and loved every minute of it. Even if Mark and I are a bit lame. At least we bring gifts!

 

My sister-in-laws should both be on Cake Boss. I should not be. But I wish I was as talented as they are! Paige really wanted a pony cake and I thought mine turned out pretty well for being not a baker, and not artistic. Of course this was my SECOND attempt that day. I am glad I took a picture because when we transported it to the church it broke. I was slightly crushed. Paige was fine.

 

 

Our good friends usually feel sorry for us and our lack of social well-being. Patti really went all out this year to include us in her family traditions. She did 12 days of Christmas for us and it was awesome! Paige really loved it. Plus, there was a party every few days. Family Home Evening landed on Paige's birthday, so we told Paige it was her party. She was beyond excited. Patti went to a lot of work to put a bunch of games together and it was really fun. We enjoyed being there with everyone and Paige felt extra special!

 

Paige is pretty certain these are her "peeps" which I am grateful for. She couldn't have picked a better group of siblings/cousins/friends/family

 

There was even a piñata. 4 year old party bliss. The next morning, Paige woke up with her new Rainbow Dash plush and said, "Mom, you are never going to believe this.....but today is Rainbow Dash's birthday!" Said in her most excited voice ever. The girl likes a good birthday party.

 

In addition to birthdays, I was in charge of Mark's family Christmas party. We went to an indoor sports complex, and then out to the elementary school here for dinner and games. I made a bunch of different soups and planned some fun holiday games. We centered the night around missionaries and missionary work. It was fun to hear about the boys' Christmas experiences from their missions. We also adopted some of Mom and Dad's missionaries to send some things too. The family Christmas party was a lot of work, but I think things turned out well and I am SUPER glad it is not my turn for another five years. Yippee! Since Paige's birthday was on a Monday and I was in charge of the big extended family Christmas the weekend proceeding her birthday, we had a second birthday the following weekend so Mimi and Momma Liv could come celebrate with us. Basically, we had a party every night and Paige was sure they were all for her!

 

We love these two so much. They made quite a long drive up to the middle of nowhere to spend some time with us. Paige was so excited to have them here. She was CRAZY and wild the entire time. Poor Mimi and Liv got  lost on the way out here, and Paige kept asking if they were lost in the woods and if they would be ok. We are glad they finally made it out of the woods and hung out with us! After they left, Paige told me multiple times she missed her friends.

 

 

Here is a very dirty TJ. He gets to be at pony camp all winter. Tucker needs a turn out there. Tucker has been naughty lately! The other night Mark and I spent a few hours in the freezing snow and wind chasing him and his two mare neighbors. We enlisted a few friends to help and it still took two hours. I finally caught him after running a mini marathon. I was pooped!

 

 

Besides parties, I went to yet another dermatologist appointment because of some misunderstanding. I figure if I go every two weeks there is no way I can be surprised and die. I also hit up the OBGYN. It felt like I was at a doctor appointment daily. Mark has been making fun of me. The OBGYN was discouraging and usual and it appears the rollercoaster of emotion is only beginning. Grr. Mark, Paige, and I all got awesome cold and coughs. But no doctor visit for that. I had already spent all our flex money. Fortunately we all lived.