Well, Hello There

Goodness. Apparently blogging was not on my list of New Year's resolutions. I cannot believe it has been since Christmas that I updated this thing. I blame this on a variety of things. First, I can't say life has been all that exciting. Second, flat out laziness. Third, some more laziness. I've felt uninspired and let's face it, I knew January would be that way. I have had a lot of thoughts and internal struggles and I have always go back and forth between wanting to write about them or keep them to myself. Writing can be pretty therapeutic for me, but I also hate feeling like I am putting too much out there. Maybe some of those posts will come to fruition. In the meantime, I suppose I will do a Reader's Digest version of the last three months.

Mark was pretty intent on going snowboarding this year. He really wanted to go over Christmas, but it was like below freezing and I have a general rule it needs to be about 30 degrees before I even THINK about wanting to do snow activities. I really hate the cold! I am glad we waited, because we ended up going on the perfect Friday. Beth and Jared were able to join us which made things a million times more fun. Because I turned 80 and I am pretty much the most accident prone person ever, I made Mark rent me a helmet--that didn't really fit. But, since I got a concussion the last time I went, well over 4 years ago, I was glad to have something. Things felt so awkward at first, and I was super spooked with my wrist. Snowboarding and sore wrists are a problem anyway, I was really hesitant to take any risks. I didn't want to fall and stick that arm out in any way! As such, I was pretty much the loser in the helmet that was the last one down every run.

January

 

 

 

Thanks for all the pictures Beth! My meager blog audience thanks you.

 

I  felt pretty guilty about this little shot for the entire day. Notice the rope? Notice how are snowboards are like under the rope? The groomed track was too slick to steady myself enough for a picture so I put my board on the non-groomed portion just under the rope. We got yelled at by ski patrol for breaking boundary rules and risking our lives due to the huge cornice and cliff we apparently were standing on. Being the non-rule breaker type I am, I felt GUILTY the entire rest of the day for breaking rules and being such a risk taker, not valuing human life. True story. But at least we got a good picture.

 

 

We had  monkey jumping on the bed late one Saturday night and got to take a special trip into an Urgent Care for some glue and steri-strips. We felt like we lucked out finding one still open, saved us an ER trip! She has a pretty good scar I am trying to help with Mederma. It isn't helping yet. But the bump looks better. Little stink has a knack for hitting the exact same spot on her forward every few months. She has a permanent bump for sure.

 

I broke my rule about only venturing out in the snow on warm days. It didn't seem like the weather was a big deal until we go out there. This was one cold sleigh ride out on the Elk Refuge! Like, freezing. But we had a good time. There was hardly any snow to pull the sleigh, but enough wind and chill to make up for it. Paige thought it was cool at first, but I think it lasted a little long for her.

 

Love me some drafts!

 

On the way home, we saw this fun little snow festival and there were some seriously impressive snow sculptures. Fun little add to the adventure! Mark's 14 year old niece was up with us for the weekend so we tried our best to be cool and show her a good time. Not sure we succeeded, but we loved having her. Lauren is a super nice girl, hope Paige grows up to be just like her!

 

 

February

 

 

I have been helping out with early morning conditioning at the high school for girls soccer. It is early and wow, I am losing motivation to go. Fortunately, this week is the last week. I am not a morning person. I did catch this on my way home one day. No filter or Photoshop here, just amazing!

 

The weather decided to be awesome in February. I feel like this was a personal gift to me. Early spring is certainly a good way to make me happy about life. It is really hard for me to be cooped up all winter. I think this winter was really hard for Paige as well. We have seemed to be on each other's nerves a bit more at times. She really looks forward to preschool days and going to the gym. The first nice day, we took off to the church so she could ride her bike. It was the first time she cut lose on the  big stage. Before now, she has always just rode in our garage. She LOVED it and rode her bike for at least 2 hours. Felt so good to be outside. Paige loves to be outside for sure.

 

My grandpa had his 90th birthday part in on Valentine's Day. It was so fun seeing family and celebrating his life. My grandpa is an amazing guy and I feel blessed to have a relationship with him.

 

Grandma looked so pretty and I am glad to have snapped such a cute picture of the three of us. This lady is my hero. She is an incredible person!

 

Sam, Courtney, and their cute boys came over for the party and stayed for the long weekend. These little guys had a blast on the  "farm" and Paige was so excited to have friends over. They all played so well and we sure loved having them. Even Roxy got in on the fun!

 

Nothing better than having some cousins to play make-believe with! Paige's restaurant stayed hopping most of the weekend. And I was glad I didn't have to be the customer for once.

 

I swear I can count on one hand how many times we have seen Beth and her crew this winter. Seems like they've gotten some sort of sickness all winter long. We were so happy to get an invite for an adventure. We went out to see Beth's horses, but spent most of the time wandering around with these explorers.

 

Dad sent a little Valentine to Paige in the mail. I handed it to her in the car. When I put her to bed later that night I saw she had stuck it here on her night stand. Seriously the cutest thing ever. I may have shed a tear or two.

 

Paige started gymnastics this month and seems to really love it. We needed another activity to keep things fun for her. She has only been twice, but so far I am impressed with her willingness to try anything and she is a very good listener. I love being a fly on the wall and seeing how she interacts when I am not there. And she's adorable in a leotard.

 

We made a trip down to Utah to attend a bridal shower and spend some time with Paige's birth family. I pretty much adore them. I love having an awesome relationship with them. Paige had the best weekend and loved being the center of attention. She played with the girls all weekend long and I felt like I had to bribe her to come home with me!

 

Liv gave her this adorable little bear. Paige calls it Princess Bear and it now sleeps with her other babies in Paige's bed. Does my heart good.

 

Mark has been making comments about Paige's out of control hair. I was starting to agree and almost gave in to a trim. I spent a morning brushing her hair and looked at the finished product and then decided to never cut her hair again. Look at that! I am entirely jealous. It was so soft, long, shiny, straight, thick, and blonde! Sorry Mark.

 

Being sort of obsessed with what I like to call athletic fashion, I decided Paige needed to roll to gymnastics in style. I found this adorable outfit on clearance at TJ Maxx and I am in love. Paige is a fun mix of girly girl, farm girl, and now my little athlete. It was fun for me to see her in something I would actually kill to wear. Fun to have a mini me for once!

 

 

Another reason blogging has been a challenge for me was because I entered the world of Instagram to participate in a adoption challenge. It was  a way to self network and hopefully connect to someone considering adoption. I felt at the very least, it would remind our friends and family we were still hoping to adopt. Each day I had a topic and needed to post a picture about it. Some were easy, and some required more thought. I only had so much social media creativity to go around, and blogging slipped by the wayside. The overall feedback was positive, but I only had connections from friends and family. A few strangers would weigh in and a few followed me, but that almost just makes me nervous. Who knows, maybe something will still come of it.

 

We just renewed our fingerprints for the third time, meaning we have been on this journey for almost three years. It was exactly one year ago our first match failed, and we got our first email from our second. It has been a really hard time for me, reflecting back on what might have been, remembering how excited we were to have this incredible expectant mom reaching out to us. How I loved her and how I looked forward to May. And now, here we are a year later and still in the same spot, just with more heartache. It's been a challenge in oh so many ways and I am not sure what to do or where to go next. I did send our application fee to an agency last week, so hopefully something comes of that. We will need to redo our entire home study this summer since LDSFS is no longer doing them and will not update our existing one. Boo. I have mixed feelings about the partnership with Adoption.com. I learned today that they only have a 10% match rate. Ouch. That isn't that good. We had a lot of people contact us about it after seeing it on the news and on Facebook. We have never felt like signing up before because it is a hot bed for scams. That is the last thing I can deal with right now. But maybe we will have to give it a second look. There are days where I just feel at my wits end and kind of want to pull my hair out. I have had a huge range of emotions from fear, guilt, anger, frustration, confusion, you name it. I am trying to maintain perspective and faith in the Lord and in his timing. I haven't mastered it yet. 

 

Just last week, Mark made a big job/career move. This was an incredibly challenging few weeks for us. I am excited and scared all rolled into one. Mark has worked for Navex for 7 years now, and they have been wonderful. We loved it! They've been through a lot with us and it felt like we were leaving family or something. Mark is working for a brand new company and is only the 20th employee. It definitely feels a bit risky, but it also feels like a new and exciting opportunity. He will still work from home which is a blessing. I think Mark was ready for a change and really wanted something he could get fired up about. If all goes well, it really is an amazing opportunity. It is just hard for me to leave the security blanket and comfort zone behind. I kind of like living in my safe little box sometimes. I really have a hard time with fear and it often paralyzes me, prevents me from trying new things. It has been a rollercoaster for sure. His last day was Friday and he has a little bit of a break before he hits the ground running again. Hopefully we can spend some good time together, recharge, and that the new adventure is a good one.