Waiting some more...

I am so uninspired to write lately. I wish I had something awesome to write about, but the last time I felt that way life fell apart and was way more exciting than I ever wished it to be.  So while this post will seem mundane and boring to most, I have made it a personal goal to enjoy the times in my life where nothing seems to be going on...except that time passes and each and every day my little one gets older, which I suppose means I am too!

In the last few months, I have struggled with being happy with who I am. It is so hard to feel good enough, pretty enough, fit enough, mother enough, dependable enough, smart enough, funny enough, and the list could go on and on. So often I feel not only inadequate, but unable to fit in. Everything around me feels so unsettled, and often that takes up residence in my heart and I feel so unsettled with myself. I often feel like fitting in has never been my strong point, and being very isolated recently has only emphasized the point. I look forward to General Conference and the spiritual boost it gives me. It gives me a desire to adjust my attitude and look outside of myself to serve others. I especially loved Elder Holland's talk. He mentioned that the only race we are in is a race against sin, not a race against each other. Elder Holland has given a few talks where he encourages us to uplift each other and not compare each other.  A few years ago he gave a talk about the Prodigal Son, but with a twist, emphasizing the righteous son and his feelings of envy. His talk yesterday reminded me of that talk and I hope I can take his advice to heart, working hard to better myself rather than looking at others with envy. I think these feelings of insecurity and inadequacy scare me more now than ever, because I don't want Paige to pick up on them and feel like her self worth is dependant on silly things I seem to base my self worth on. I have quite the list of things to work on, but with a renewed desire to try it thanks to General Conference, it doesn't seem as daunting.
This month really has been more of us waiting around to get things done on the house, and waiting for warm weather. Paige LOVES to be outside and I love to oblige if the elements are acceptable for such excursions. That means we have enjoyed park like conditions twice so far. Yep---twice. Gotta love the never ending wind that can ruin the most beautiful of days. Today I noticed green pushing its way through to brown, it makes me so excited and gives me hope that warm weather truly is around the corner. Paige loves to swing at the park and it has been fun to watch her enjoy things for the first time.  She really loves to just walk around and explore. It makes me smile to see her walk on sand, grass, gravel, and other textures for the first time. I love to be reminded to enjoy the small things in life and soak in our surroundings--one of the many blessings children bring into our lives.

Paige changes so quickly. I feel twangs of sadness as I pack away clothes she has grown out of after wearing once or twice. She is still a picky eater and we supplement a lot with the bottle. I am not sure whether that is good or bad, but she still seems so much like a baby and I feel she might die of malnutrition without it. Paige is Miss Independent and wants to spend her days walking around getting into stuff. I wish we were in a situation that allowed her to explore more without endangering her life. She will eat many non-food items and this month nibbled on a few candles that prompted a poison control call. She has a natural talent to find small things and I am grateful she is a hoarder and not a swallower.

Here are a few random things Paige is into lately that makes me smile.  Paige says mom, woof, uh-oh, mmmm, wow, ya, and her own version of no. Occasionally she will say "dada". she has learned to shake her head, but only no, and will answer any question with a resounding "no". Many times she feels we are talking and carrying on a conversation but I have no idea what we are discussing. Whatever it is, it is important and usually quite serious. She will now hold my hand when we are out and about, love it! She loves Popcorn Popping and will do all the actions as we sing it. She gives high fives more than kisses, still stingy the little stinker! I made a church picture book for her using pictures from the Distribution Center. She was obsessed with a picture of President Monson

First time on the swings.

Loving every minute of it!

Getting big

Cruising around the tennis courts, a favorite past time.

Riding in the car with President Monson

Finally loving and discovering her shopping cart, a Christmas present. I love the shoe she put in there.

Around the first of the year, my dear friend Kacie did some 1 year shots of Paige. She did such a fabulous job! Check her our at Eye Candy by Kacie on Facebook. She captured a ton of fun shots, but here are a few of my favorites:

Christmas, Walking, and Waiting

Here in my cave, I have limited access to Internet which has pushed me behind in my blogging. When I get the chance to hit the web, I am so busy reading up on all the faithful bloggers out there that mine begins to suffer! We are still in our little rental, waiting to break ground on the new house. I am learning oh so much about patience, and I am so ready for the lesson to be over! Patience lessons always stink and this one is no different. Here we had the perfect winter for building and didn't even get to take advantage of it. The good news is I see a light at the end of the tunnel, our short plat is a week or so away from being approved and hopefully things go quickly from there. I would love to be in my new house sometime this summer, and definitely before next winter. I won't miss stoking the fire like Laura Ingalls. For now, the waiting game continues and I work hard on keeping my sanity. Mark would argue I haven't been patient at all, but he really has no idea. I would like to see him clean our current place and feel accomplished. It is impossible! I have finally waved my flag of surrender and I embrace the lady bugs, wood shavings, dust, chips, and all other types of wood form, and webs. I will say I have worked through my spider phobia and have been known to kill them, with a Kleenex...IN MY FINGERS, it is a pretty big deal.

Now for catch up, this year was Paige's second Christmas, but let's be honest, it was about as exciting to her as her first. Mark and I had a lot more fun shopping for her and thinking she would care about opening presents. I loved her little Christmas dress! It was nice to have church in the morning, and to open presents later in the day. It seemed to make the excitement of Christmas last that much longer. Paige made off pretty good with a Fisher Price Zoo, a pillow pet, a shopping cart, a special ornament, a new cowboy hat (I pushed for a horse to go with it, but Dad says maybe later), and a few other little things to fill in the gaps. For a while, Paige was going through a bit of a sensitive stage and would bow her head in silence if she was receiving unwanted attention.  Christmas morning proved to be too much to handle and she had a moment of quiet breakdown. She would not look up from my mom's shoulder.  When she finally did, she exposed a tear stained face. What a silent little sufferer. Christmas is rough stuff apparently. Hopefully Christmas will be less overwhelming for her next year. It was fun to spend the holidays with family and we are so grateful to have a little one to share it with!

Thinking the ornament was pretty cool

So cute! She doesn't leave it on yet though.

Such sadness

Paige found a binky in her toy chest and decided she had to have it. She went through a phase where she constantly wanted it in her mouth. If she can't see it, she doesn't miss it, but if she spots one she must  have it, even if it isn't hers. We tried for months to get her to take one as a newborn and she refused. About the time you would take it away, she decides it's cool--go figure!

At Paige's 1 year appointment, she weighed a whopping 16 lbs 6 oz., which means I still have a little lightweight. She is growing taller though and finding pants long and skinny enough is quite the challenge, especially since I am picky as to how they fit.  At 13 months, Paige started to walk like a mad woman. Most of the time she prefers to run, but it doesn't last long before she crashes. Her favorite thing to do is to visit the library and walk where she wishes. She likes the mall too, but it is much harder to keep her out of oncoming traffic. Walking did not come easy.  Paige is never one to want help; Miss Independent thinks she can do it all on her own. She wasn't a huge fan of the walking while holding the fingers bit and only did it sporadically before she decided she could stand up and walk all by herself. She went from nothing to full on walking in a week. With that came a time where she looked a little abused. I thought we might need to invest in a helmet. She managed to hit her forehead in the exact same spot every few days. She had quite the bruise and honestly quite the dent. A month later, and we are still trying to recover!

This was after the first, but before the second head crash.

Paige is seriously a little person and is more fun each and every day. She loves stories and does actions to most books. She shakes her finger at the monkey's jumping on the bed, she meows and whoofs at the kitties and puppies, and she sticks her feet on the page's of the Foot book. Paige loves to visit Grandma and Grandpa and knows that if she says "mmmmm" she will get a treat, if she retrieves a book she will be read to, knows where to find the golf balls, and knows to find the "babies" asleep in the pack n play. Paige is obsessed with stuffed animals and dolls and gives them snuggles any chance she gets. Grandma found her her own Baby Bear Alice after much searching and gave it to her for Valentines. Paige was pumped and has given much loves since. My parents have a post it note holder that Paige loves to play with. She pulls the notes out and sticks them on her forehead. It is a learned behavior for sure, but Paige thinks it is the funniest thing ever. Her favorite game is chase which can be fun, but has had negative consequences since now every time I try to grab her, she runs the other direction in delight. She giggles in fits if she thinks someone is chasing her and loves it if someone else is around to provide "cover". Most games are accompanied by growling. I don't know why my little girl is obsessed with growling, but it is kinda funny.

Reading to herself.

Just getting so big and cute and cruising all over the place!

Not great lighting, but I love her shoes and I can't believe how long her hair is getting and how much she looks like a toddler, not my baby anymore.

Paige continues to show more affection and will now give kisses and high fives. She is quite stingy with the kisses and has to be in the right mood. Mark hopes the stinginess will be a lasting trait. Paige loves to cheer and "fake" screams for herself when she gives high fives, does something good herself, or is impressed with something someone else does. It is the most hilarious sound. It is like this inside voice excited sound with hands raised high. Last night at the ward talent show, she cheered on the flash mob, and after trying to ruin my violin solo, gave me quite the ovation. She was proud of the performance and it was too darn cute for words. She was a pretty good distraction from the usual nerves.I have been on Accutane and my lips are horrible. Paige has grown up thinking chap stick is a necessity of life and loves to carry a tube around all day. I guess it can be counted as one of her tools. Once she has a good tool, she will refuse to put it down for anything. Most tools get chewed on constantly. We are going on month three of constant teething. She has two molars on bottom and two poking through on top. She is half shark and should be getting her wisdom teeth any day at this rate! We were able to spend the weekend with Paige's birth mom and had a blast. I love knowing that many people love and care for Paige. . What a lucky little lady she is! Paige's birth mom is growing into a lovely woman and we were glad we could be with her on her birthday. It is always fun to visit with the birth mom and family.

Besides waiting for things to go on the house, not much else is happening. I am anxious for spring and the chance to get outside with Paige. I think we are both feeling cooped up. Roxy can't wait for us to take walks and go on adventures. I can't wait to get the jogging stroller out and enjoy some outdoor runs and ditch the treadmill. Since it decided to dump a few inches of snow today, my dreams will have to wait. Mark is busy working and has started to play basketball again after a long exercise hiatus. I am grateful he is finally healthy enough to do things like that again. We are enjoying day to day life and the simple joys it brings. It really is nice to find happiness in the journey--some days are better than others, but that's life. I can't wait to be in our own home again and  feel as if we are making it ours. Renting is the pits and I constantly feel so unsettled. However, we love being close to good family and friends and we feel so blessed overall. I really can't complain--life is pretty good!

My Christmas Baby

I know my last update was 10 months, but since the last two months have been a little bit of a blurr, I am cheating and combining them into one big post.  I really am living in a cave right now and having Internet is a little bit of a luxury I only get every once in awhile. Winter is always a tough time of the year for me for some reason, and this year has been no different. It has been a little lonely and cold here in the cave, fortunately I have this cute little face to keep me busy!

I am so grateful I get to be Paige's mom. She really gives my life a purpose and a sense of fulfillment I never thought possible. I often feel bad that she is the guinea pig, and has to learn how to put up with a mom who has so much yet to learn. This was my very first attempt at actually "doing" her hair. She was sure I was abusing her, but they turned out cute in the end and she seemed to forgive me quickly. I hope that trait continues....

Developmentally:

Paige started to stand on her own around Thanksgiving. She gets a little more daring each and every day, but still likes standing best when she doesn't know it. Soon after the standing came the walking around each and every piece of furniture. She is all over the place and could totally walk if she put her mind to it. The week before her birthday, we went on our first big family trip to Disneyworld. She managed two steps between my little brother and I, but it scared her and she has refused to try since. For now she is sticking with the furniture, and I am ok with that! Paige is beginning to make meaningful sounds and gestures. She points and grunts for things she wants, mostly these are food items. Paige can 'say' 'uh-oh' and 'wow'.  Once in a while these are very clear. Mark and I both swear we heard her say boots when I asked her what shoes she wanted to wear a week ago, but I have yet to hear it again. I can usually get her to babble with me and repeat "mamamama" but I am not sure she is making the connection yet.

On her 1 yr birthday, Paige had 8 teeth and another coming in. She also came down with her first sickness. She never even had a runny nose, but she came down with a double ear infection and a croupy cough on her birthday. It was super sad and we had a terrible time at the doctor. After cancelling her party, I was feeling pretty low her first birthday was ruined. Fortunately, Dad saved the day and brought her some birthday balloons.

Waking up on her big day

Loving her balloons

Things Paige Loves:

Paige loves "Wheels on the Bus." It is her favorite book and she loves to do the actions. She has most of them down, but she especially loves the parents saying "shhh" part. She likes to put her little finger up to my lips and watch me do it. She won't do it to herself, it is really funny to see her little head turn around and her little pointer finger headed my way. Paige loves food, especially ice cream, or anything Dad and Grandpa have on their plates. She is the biggest mooch. I often thought the dog was bad, but Paige has caught on to the begging--she is usually more successful. Paige loves all things soft, especially her special blanket. She snuggles her face into soft things and grinds her teeth in glee. Good thing there is a dentist in the family.  Paige loves anything she considers a tool. The best way to keep her occupied at a restaurant is to give her a straw, chopsticks, or utensils and crumbs she can push around with her tool of choice.

Preparing to make a mess of some sort. It is usually best to keep all important things away from the tools.

Her little motor skills are pretty talented and she loves to draw. She even holds the pen, pencil, or whatever correctly. She will even adjust it if it is upside down. I bought a magna doodle for our trip, and I was surprised that Paige was really entertained by it.  Paige LOVES the tub. When she hears the water running, she makes a break for it, even if it isn't for her. My favorite is weekends when Mark is home and I get to actually shower or bathe without trying to break my previous speed record. Without fail, Paige sneaks off (I am sure this has less to do with her stealth and more with Mark's oblivion) pushes the door open, pulls the curtain back, and grins big at me. The days of bathing alone, in solitude are over. She has no fear of water and loves to swim as well:

My cute little fish!

Paige loves to dance and breaks it down to pretty much anything. She has even figured out how to turn on music on Mark's iphone. The crazy girl is addicted to electronics, especially ones that make sounds she can groove to. Paige loves people and loves to be out and about. She definitely knows how to manipulate and get her way--easy to do when you are cute. She loves to see things and wants all around to "behold" whatever it is she has found exciting. I love when the "behold" hand comes out and she gestures and ooooos and what she wants me to see. Paige has recently become a little sensitive and when she feels offended stares at the floor indefinitely until the lip finally comes out and the tears flow. Sometimes this is all in silence and she looks up with tear filled eyes. It is heartbreaking. However, she has learned this gets a lot of attention, so now she does it and will look up with a big 'ole manipulative smile. Little stinker that is too smart for her own good! 

This month has been very busy for us between our vacation, Paige's birthday, and Christmas. Disneyworld was awesome and it was great being able to see my entire family. We stayed in an amazing townhouse that worked out perfectly. We were able to hit Disney for 3 days and SeaWorld for 2. All the parks were decked out for Christmas and it was a perfect time to be there--right before the real Christmas rush. We actually ended up having the best time at SeaWorld. It was less crowded and the animals were really fun. Magic Kingdom was great because Paige was able to ride a lot of the rides and actually enjoyed them. She was seriously mesmerized on It's a Small World. She could have ridden it all day. Paige did great and was amazing each and every day. I was so nervous how she would do, but she took everything in stride, even the plane. Here are a few pictures of our trip:

Her first plane ride, and first sucker--not BJ, the ring pop;)

Rocking her first visit button. Despite the way it looks in all these pictures, she was allowed out of the stroller.

One of her favorite rides, one of our least favorite thrill rides.

LOVED SeaWorld! This was our second time hitting the park up.

Amazing decor at Hollywood Disney. Don't worry, it got cooler when it synced with the music.

The castle all Christmased up.

For those of you who are tired of this post, I am sorry. I have to quickly cover Paige's birthday. I will leave Christmas for another day for your behalf. We had to celebrate Paige's day a few days after since she was a sick pup the day of, but it ended up being a fun night--until it came to the birthday song. The poor thing hates the birthday song. She cried when it was sung on my birthday, and she hung her head in shame followed by  a few tears on her birthday. Regardless, she thought the cake eating was pretty amazing. I thought I was looking forward to the big cake event, but I soon realized that my ocd would not allow me to enjoy it. It was torture watching her make a mess all over my floor, her chair, herself. It took a lot of counting of ten to allow it to happen. I am not crafty, but I tried to make a cute cake for Paige. Paige's birthday is certainly a day of remembrance. I pray dearly I will never forget all the mixed feelings I had that whole month, but especially that day. I have never been so excited but SO scared in my whole life. Adoption is not for the faint of heart. It was definitely an interesting time. Each year will be a celebration and a day of gratitude. I know that somewhere someone will ache each and every year on the 15th of December. I am so grateful to that special angel who allowed me to be a mom. Each year, we will sing her praises and honor her for her decision to give Paige a loving mother and father who cherish her each and everyday. Now for a few pictures from Paige's party:

My attempt at cuteness

A girl ready for a party

Miss beautiful eyes...hardly notice the cute hat

Threatening to touch me if I disrupt the fun, notice the tool

Doesn't quite get the opening presents deal

This was actually my birthday, but you can see how much she likes the birthday song.

We love our little miss Paige. She is our greatest blessing and I feel like the luckiest person in the world that I get to be her mom. I hope I don't fail her or her birthmom. I have so much to learn. Paige is the sweetest baby and has brought such a special spirit into our home. Hopefully I can get Christmas on here soon. I get so nervous about getting behind and not documenting everything. I am sure I don't do enough and someday will regret it. I hope the holidays have treated all of you well!

10 Months

Paige turned 11 months, but I am behind due to lack of Internet. Mark felt I wasn't isolated enough so we decided to cease all contact with the outside world. Not on purpose, but it feels that way! It can be pretty lonely out here in isolation--but I will say in the last few weeks I have felt very introspective which is easy to do this time of year. First off--we will start with Paige's update.

I honestly have no idea how much she weighs. I do believe she has grown taller. She is still a lightweight but her 3-6 month pants are getting a little short. Her 6-9 month jammies still fit except for the length is getting a bit tight. A few days after her 9 month mark, Paige finally pulled herself up for the first time and I managed to catch it on camera:

It was a proud moment. Now I can't get her to sit down. She always wants to be standing. If you are on the floor playing with her, she would rather watch you play with her toys and she wants to hoist herself up on any leg, limb, shoulder, or head she can find. My coffee table is permanently smeared with little fingerprints. They remind me of all those years I hoped I would fully appreciate President Monson's talk about enjoying the moment because time goes so fast and those fingerprints will be gone before we know it. I believe it, time has certainly flown already. I can't go anywhere or do anything without my shadow. If I am dusting or vacuuming it is only a matter of time before I feel some little hands pulling themselves up on my pants. I can't lie, even though it slows me down, it is one darn good feeling.

I love looking at her cute little bum--especially in jeans. Paige sure loves her grandma. She is also a big fan of the sing-a-ma-jig seen on the floor. She loves stuffed animals and dolls--anything she can pick up, squeeze, and snuggle with. I wish I got the same amount of snuggles! I am so grateful my mom and dad are nearby. Especially when Paige and I need a change of scenery. She is sporting some pretty snazzy sneakers these days. I had to do a big shopping trip and all of her new clothes seem like big girl clothes. It is hard to see my baby get big.

I look like I am totally abusing my child in this picture, but she has cut quite a few teeth again this month. Two new ones with a few more on the way. I had to capture a shot of those fangs before her front tooth came down too far and ruined it. She was pushing hard to be a vampire for Halloween but alas--the girl growls way to much to be anything other than a lion.

I definitely did not make this costume. Someday I might be a fun mom who makes all the Halloween costumes and themes the family around them. I just despise dressing up. I also despise Halloween. I warmed up to it this year, however. It was darn cute seeing Paige in her costume. It will be fun when she is a little older and enjoys getting some candy in her bag. Paige loves my dad. We went to his Stake Conference last week and Paige recognized him on the stand. When she saw him it was all we could do to calm her down and keep her from crawling up there to see him. I would say the feeling is pretty mutual. She knows Grandpa is always good for a snack and a love. When we visit Grandpa at work he shares his lunch and he saves her from all the scary strangers.

By far my favorite picture--ever! This picture is perfectly Paige. She has the most animated facial expressions and this one just cracks me up. This is her excited face and it usually revolves around food. Her entire body tenses up and she pulls this face. Too funny. I was making oatmeal at the time. I wish I got this excited for anything let alone oatmeal. Her hair is seriously out of control. I wish I knew how to style it, but I can hardly do my own. It has a little bit of curl in it and I tried to diffuse it once, but as soon as she crawls around, her hair flies all over and it isn't worth the hassle to fix it. I should cut it, but I can't bring myself to even trim it. I have had people ask how I style it this way. I am not sure if I should take it as a compliment or a hint. With a headband it achieves even greater heights. For the time being I just laugh and smile at my little fluffy duck who growls like a monster.

Paige is a treat queen and loves chocolate licorice. She used to eat anything, but I now have to hide vegetables in oatmeal. If it is off Grandpa's plate, she will eat it--unless it is green. I can't say that I blame her. I wish I could teach her by example, but I only wish I could spit mine out too. Chocolate licorice is way better than anything green.

I turned 28 this month and I know I will get back lash for saying this--but I was so sad. I am in my late 20s and almost 30. Exercise physiology ruined 30 for me. It taught me of all the ways my body deteriorates at 30.You get slower in so many ways. I am already falling apart. My cholesterol is high. Awesome. I have wrinkles and sun damage. Awesome. Now my metabolism train is grinding to a halt and all my muscles are changing in sad ways. But don't worry, I have enough acne to keep it young. Seriously, it was a depressing birthday. The highlight was a girl's trip to visit Paige's birthmom. We hadn't seen her in months and I couldn't wait to spend some time together and for her to see how much Paige had changed.  We got to have dinner with her birthmom and birth grandma. It was wonderful. Paige's birthmom is doing so well and is such an incredible young woman. She is truly someone Paige can be proud of and look up to. I am so proud of her and all the things she is accomplishing in her life. I hope with all her talents and ambition she can use it in a positive way and show the world how positive adoption can be, among many other things. She is learning how to soar for sure.  It is National Adoption month this month, and I feel like it is another holiday. I can't say enough about adoption! It isn't for the faint of heart, but it is a blessing. I am grateful we share an open adoption and Paige will grow up well informed and well loved.

It is interesting to reflect on this time last year. It was so exciting and nerve wracking. Paige's birthmom was nearing full term and the anticipation was a killer. You wanted to be so excited and decorate like crazy and buy all you needed to for a new baby, but there was always that voice in the back of your mind that reminded you to guard yourself in case things didn't work out the way you planned. I cannot explain to someone who hasn't been through it what that is like. I don't know what it is like to be pregnant and to be 9 months pregnant and wishing you weren't, but most of the time when you are 9 months pregnant you know it soon end and you will bring a beautiful baby home. In adoption, there are two mothers and only one of them will take that baby home. Either way, you know one mother will hurt deeply. As excited and as hopeful as I was, I knew that if the placement went through, it was going to be terrible for someone and that made me very sad for a girl I loved a whole awful lot. I couldn't, nor wouldn't, have blamed her for changing her mind, but that was terrifying to consider. Little did I know how difficult the actual week of placement would be for the both of us. Paige's birthmom is the strongest, bravest person I know. I marvel at her and her sacrifice and will forever be indebted. This time last year was hard for a lot of reasons. This time this year, I couldn't have more gratitude in my heart for adoption, for my wonderful angel birthmom who changed my world, and my beautiful daughter Paige who has changed me for the better and has enriched Mark and I's lives more deeply than we could have imagined.

Looking ahead Mark will have surgery this next week. What would our lives be without some sort of medical issue right? Fortunately this is a cake walk. Paige is a happy healthy 11 month old and on her way to leaving the infant world behind. It makes me so sad. I hope someday I will get to experience the magical first year of life again. What a miracle to watch a child change, grow, and learn. It is hard and quite the learning experience, but so worth it. I can't believe she is going to be one! We are anxiously anticipating our first big family vacation. We will get to spend a week at Disneyworld with my entire family. Paige will have a pretty killer first birthday and she won't even remember it. Our house seems to be inching along and it is causing me more stress than it probably should. Getting my hole dug seems a world away which saddens me on many levels. Hopefully the ball gets moving a little faster here and the weather cooperates enough to allow us to start soon. I am grateful for all of my many blessings this week of Thanksgiving. I love the holiday season and the spirit that comes with it. Best wishes to our friends and family. Thank you for all you do for us.



9 months---where did that go?!

I thought that as summer came to an end and fall approached, my life would be a little less crazy. Paige turns ten months at the end of this week, and I haven't gotten around to to do her 9 month update. When I scanned the camera for pictures, I realized I have taken basically none. What a terrible mother! I have a few on my phone, but I am embarrassed that as time and events slip by, I haven't done my best to record them. I think that sometimes my day feels so routine and predictable there is nothing to capture, but when I look at all the things Paige has accomplished this month, I am so mad at myself for not getting the camera out. Fortunately, between my phone and Mark's, I should have at least something. This picture is cute enough to count for ten:

I realize I am biased, but she is seriously the cutest little baby. This is the only way I can get her hair to stay down, keep it soaking wet! It adds to her charm. I can't go anywhere without getting stopped or having people comment about Paige's eyes, hair, smile...whatever. It doesn't hurt that the girl loves the shopping cart and gets all sorts of excited at the store. At 9 months, I feel like the biggest change is her personality is showing more and more. She is so content and loves to observe. She is gentle and inquisitive. She gets her little pointer finger out and loves to touch my nose, eyelashes, books, flowers, jewelry, anything that catches her eye. Paige loves music and dancing. We bought her her own remote in hopes she would leave the real one alone, it isn't THAT cool, but it is cool enough to play music on cue and allows her to break down when she gets the urge. When she doesn't feel like she is getting the attention she deserves, Paige will fake cough hoping that we will all think there is a serious problem and come running. She can really get into and I fear sometimes she is going to make herself throw up. Paige knows she is cute and likes to lay it on thick. She will smile big and crinkle her nose, baring her new set of teeth--her fangs!

This month has been a tough one since Paige was teething through most of it and refused nap time quite regularly--like she is right now:) I know some of it was her teeth and some of it was the lack of a good schedule since this month was crazy for us. Paige now has four teeth--her two bottom and her two top incisors. I don't think I have ever seen a baby grow her fangs first, perhaps she is part vampire. In any case, it is a pretty awesome site. With the teeth came Paige's first snotty nose. She has been so ridiculously healthy that some nose congestion was quite the change for us. She had her 9 month well check and is 27 in long, 17.5 in head, and weighs 14 lbs 10 oz. She is teeny tiny and is not in a percentile at the moment.

Mobility has officially reached our home. Paige was a little timid about it first, but quickly got the hang of it and is now a crawling machine. It has been fun to watch her figure it out. She quickly decided she wanted more and started trying to stand up. Right now it looks a lot more like yoga, downward facing dog has been mastered, but at least she tries! Last Sunday, she stood up on the church pew on her own and stayed there for awhile That was a first for her. She also has been crawling to side of the crib and kneeling alongside, beckoning me to come and save her. We will need to lower the mattress shortly! Until this month, I never felt Paige showed much affection, but that all changed and I couldn't be happier. It started with stranger danger. Paige would snuggle  up next to me when she felt shy or didn't want me to pass her off to someone she didn't know. Now she does it all the time. She will crawl over and rest her head on your lab or limb, whatever she can snuggle with. I finally get kisses once in awhile too. I love it! I don't think there is a better feeling in the world. It melts my heart and reminds me that all those years of waiting were more than worth it. Mark and I have a beautiful, happy, healthy, peaceful baby girl. What a blessing! I can't imagine my life without her. She brings so much joy into our home--I can't seem to get enough of this girl. I love her more every day!

The other big news this past month and the reason for many sleepless nights and the loss of my mental capacities was moving. We sold our home, my dream home. I loved that house! It was hard to leave the first place I felt like I made home for us. Especially Paige's nursery. I remember being so excited getting it ready for her. Earlier this year, Mark was making multiple trips all over the area taking care of livestock. We never saw him, and we realized we made a big mistake not buying in the country where we could just have everything on our own property. Being a city girl, I like the convenience of being close to everything and having sidewalks, but I like my husband more. Our long term goals could not be met living on .25 acres. We figured we could replicate the house and build on some property. We decided to put our house up  on the market and we weren't really aggressive about selling it, but it's a great house and someone else thought so too.

The closing process was tough this time around--it is a long story, but we finally got things worked out this week and it was a nail biter to the end. I had mixed feelings almost the entire time and felt very overwhelmed. Leaving our home and moving into a rental wasn't easy. It felt much better once we unpacked and got settled. Once we finally signed the papers, I felt such relief and peace. I knew everything would be ok. I think sometimes we try to take on too much at once, and once I decided to take things one step at a time, everything was fine. We still have a few hurdles figuring out the next steps, but I am pledging to take it all a day at a time.

I feel very blessed this month. Mark's cancer scan came back clear and his health continues to improve. We had a little more anxiety this time around, but it ended up being a different problem requiring surgery, not lymphoma. what a relief! Mark will have surgery later this year, but it shouldn't be a big deal. Conference was amazing and I am sad to see it come and go. I remember hating Conference when I was little, and now it seems like another holiday. I love the boost I feel in my spirituality and my testimony. Despite a stressful month, I feel like I have been more than blessed and I am so grateful. I hope that I can give back and show my appreciation to my Heavenly Father. Hope the fall is finding you all well! Good family and friends truly are our greatest blessings.

8 Months and More

Wow--I have been a terrible blogger lately. I guess summer decided to stick around and finding time to sit inside and blog wasn't much of a priority. I'm not sure if anyone still reads this, especially with my inconsistent posting, but I feel like I have finally been inspired to get some updating done.

I feel like we have been really busy doing nothing but it sure has made me tired! Our one vacation this summer was thanks to our awesome friends who invited us up to their cabin. I don't know if they realize how much we needed this little break, and how much we love and appreciate them. They are SO good to us and one of the many reasons I thank my Heavenly Father daily for the support system we have around us. The older I get, the less daring I become and the more fearful I am of trying new things. Since our pals have an amazing boat, I knew I was going to get roped into trying to wakeboard. I was really nervous about this, but after some prodding I decided I had to give it a try. I'm sure I looked amazing the first few times, but I felt like I got the hang of it and I am now officially hooked. I love it! Even the freezing cold water couldn't deter me. Paige loved the boat, and loved Danyele letting her suck on Swedish Fish. Mark was nervous about getting on the wakeboard as well--it was the first real test his knee has had since the ACL/cancer deal. He took it easy, but I think he loved getting out there too.

Being big, standing up, and loving the boat ride.

Kicking it back with Dad.

Using a high level of concentration trying to figure out how to get in and out of the wake without crashing.

Paige turned 8 months and has really changed in just a short time. She eats a lot more solid foods and has mastered rolling to the point of near mobility. She rolls everywhere! In the past two weeks she has started to get on her hands and knees, but can only move backwards. I can see the frustration in her face because she thinks is moving forward until she figures out the toy she wanted is further away. It is fun to see her figure things out. She moved up from the Bumbo to her own high chair and loves it. She loves to feed herself Gerber puffs and such off the tray--that was a  learning feat in and of itself. She now has the little pinchers mastered. Paige loves a good book and its the only time I can get her to sit still and snuggle with me. She has a mean streak of independence at the right ole age of 8 months. I'm taking the liberty of blaming her birth mother for that strong independence gene!;)

Mark's company rented out the new Rexburg Rapids for and evening and it was the perfect time to take Paige for her first swim. She loved it! Honestly--the girl has no fear. I have yet to see her get anxious about any new adventure. She shows stranger danger now and then, but for the most part will let just about anyone hold her.

With her new found mobility, she is always sleeping in a crazy position. I particularly love the foot.

The cutest face ever.

First time in the pool.

Splashing the feet and back floating.

Braving the slide. Mark was pretty scared.

Wondering what to think about the whole deal.

Had to prove I was there, and yes I've experimented with brown hair again.

Loving Grandpa and the fact he will share his Popsicle's. Seriously those cheeks!

Just because a Steiner summer wouldn't be the same without some sort of tragedy--we got a call two weeks ago that our favorite horse Chula was dead out in the pasture. The verdict is still out as to what happened to our 4 year old horse. We think it was a heart attack or perhaps lightening. He had been to the vet 4 days previous and had gotten a clean bill of health. It was quite the shock and we miss him. Mark had spent a lot of time on him with the trainer this winter and they both had learned a lot. We had high hopes for him. It is hard to lose a horse, especially when you have worked hard to build a trusting relationship. Chula had the perfect personality and size to be the perfect horse for Paige. We hoped the would grow up together. Earlier this summer we sold our other horse Sonny, so for right now our barn is empty. For the first time in our married lives, we don't own a horse. It feels a little empty and our hearts hurt a bit.

These were taken earlier this summer. I rode twice this summer, for like 30 minutes. I miss it and it looks like I will be missing it for awhile.

I have no pictures, except for some awesome ones of me basically eating on Facebook, but I was able to finish the Grand Teton Relay. It was a pretty fun race. They have a few things to iron out, and I feel very lucky our team didn't come across a bear--a few other teams weren't so lucky. I ran good times for me on each of my legs for which I was grateful after a lack luster training schedule. I had a van full of the most amazing ladies. It was hard to leave Paige for the first time, but it was great being around some of my favorite people. I appreciated the laughs and the support of good friends. Overall it was a great experience, even though the night and day after were probably some of the most painful I have ever experienced after 6 miles down the Jackson Pass. I'm grateful I didn't have to run up it, but it seriously tore my muscles up coming down! Thanks Hali for the invit, I had a fabulous time.

Last but definitely not least, you will notice the new button I just had to grab for my side bar. I stumbled across this blog via the Sullengers, and it pulled at my heart strings. I can't help but think of this family everyday and I check their blog daily. They are an incredible family! Mercedi is one amazing woman and is fast becoming one of my heroes and I don't even know her. I wish I did! I am grateful she is willing to share their story with the rest of us. I wish I could do more, but I think they could use all the prayers they could get. There is also a place on their page to donate and help them out. I can't imagine a more deserving cause. This blog reminds me how fragile life is, how fast it can change, how important family is, and that miracles never cease.