10 Months

Paige turned 11 months, but I am behind due to lack of Internet. Mark felt I wasn't isolated enough so we decided to cease all contact with the outside world. Not on purpose, but it feels that way! It can be pretty lonely out here in isolation--but I will say in the last few weeks I have felt very introspective which is easy to do this time of year. First off--we will start with Paige's update.

I honestly have no idea how much she weighs. I do believe she has grown taller. She is still a lightweight but her 3-6 month pants are getting a little short. Her 6-9 month jammies still fit except for the length is getting a bit tight. A few days after her 9 month mark, Paige finally pulled herself up for the first time and I managed to catch it on camera:

It was a proud moment. Now I can't get her to sit down. She always wants to be standing. If you are on the floor playing with her, she would rather watch you play with her toys and she wants to hoist herself up on any leg, limb, shoulder, or head she can find. My coffee table is permanently smeared with little fingerprints. They remind me of all those years I hoped I would fully appreciate President Monson's talk about enjoying the moment because time goes so fast and those fingerprints will be gone before we know it. I believe it, time has certainly flown already. I can't go anywhere or do anything without my shadow. If I am dusting or vacuuming it is only a matter of time before I feel some little hands pulling themselves up on my pants. I can't lie, even though it slows me down, it is one darn good feeling.

I love looking at her cute little bum--especially in jeans. Paige sure loves her grandma. She is also a big fan of the sing-a-ma-jig seen on the floor. She loves stuffed animals and dolls--anything she can pick up, squeeze, and snuggle with. I wish I got the same amount of snuggles! I am so grateful my mom and dad are nearby. Especially when Paige and I need a change of scenery. She is sporting some pretty snazzy sneakers these days. I had to do a big shopping trip and all of her new clothes seem like big girl clothes. It is hard to see my baby get big.

I look like I am totally abusing my child in this picture, but she has cut quite a few teeth again this month. Two new ones with a few more on the way. I had to capture a shot of those fangs before her front tooth came down too far and ruined it. She was pushing hard to be a vampire for Halloween but alas--the girl growls way to much to be anything other than a lion.

I definitely did not make this costume. Someday I might be a fun mom who makes all the Halloween costumes and themes the family around them. I just despise dressing up. I also despise Halloween. I warmed up to it this year, however. It was darn cute seeing Paige in her costume. It will be fun when she is a little older and enjoys getting some candy in her bag. Paige loves my dad. We went to his Stake Conference last week and Paige recognized him on the stand. When she saw him it was all we could do to calm her down and keep her from crawling up there to see him. I would say the feeling is pretty mutual. She knows Grandpa is always good for a snack and a love. When we visit Grandpa at work he shares his lunch and he saves her from all the scary strangers.

By far my favorite picture--ever! This picture is perfectly Paige. She has the most animated facial expressions and this one just cracks me up. This is her excited face and it usually revolves around food. Her entire body tenses up and she pulls this face. Too funny. I was making oatmeal at the time. I wish I got this excited for anything let alone oatmeal. Her hair is seriously out of control. I wish I knew how to style it, but I can hardly do my own. It has a little bit of curl in it and I tried to diffuse it once, but as soon as she crawls around, her hair flies all over and it isn't worth the hassle to fix it. I should cut it, but I can't bring myself to even trim it. I have had people ask how I style it this way. I am not sure if I should take it as a compliment or a hint. With a headband it achieves even greater heights. For the time being I just laugh and smile at my little fluffy duck who growls like a monster.

Paige is a treat queen and loves chocolate licorice. She used to eat anything, but I now have to hide vegetables in oatmeal. If it is off Grandpa's plate, she will eat it--unless it is green. I can't say that I blame her. I wish I could teach her by example, but I only wish I could spit mine out too. Chocolate licorice is way better than anything green.

I turned 28 this month and I know I will get back lash for saying this--but I was so sad. I am in my late 20s and almost 30. Exercise physiology ruined 30 for me. It taught me of all the ways my body deteriorates at 30.You get slower in so many ways. I am already falling apart. My cholesterol is high. Awesome. I have wrinkles and sun damage. Awesome. Now my metabolism train is grinding to a halt and all my muscles are changing in sad ways. But don't worry, I have enough acne to keep it young. Seriously, it was a depressing birthday. The highlight was a girl's trip to visit Paige's birthmom. We hadn't seen her in months and I couldn't wait to spend some time together and for her to see how much Paige had changed.  We got to have dinner with her birthmom and birth grandma. It was wonderful. Paige's birthmom is doing so well and is such an incredible young woman. She is truly someone Paige can be proud of and look up to. I am so proud of her and all the things she is accomplishing in her life. I hope with all her talents and ambition she can use it in a positive way and show the world how positive adoption can be, among many other things. She is learning how to soar for sure.  It is National Adoption month this month, and I feel like it is another holiday. I can't say enough about adoption! It isn't for the faint of heart, but it is a blessing. I am grateful we share an open adoption and Paige will grow up well informed and well loved.

It is interesting to reflect on this time last year. It was so exciting and nerve wracking. Paige's birthmom was nearing full term and the anticipation was a killer. You wanted to be so excited and decorate like crazy and buy all you needed to for a new baby, but there was always that voice in the back of your mind that reminded you to guard yourself in case things didn't work out the way you planned. I cannot explain to someone who hasn't been through it what that is like. I don't know what it is like to be pregnant and to be 9 months pregnant and wishing you weren't, but most of the time when you are 9 months pregnant you know it soon end and you will bring a beautiful baby home. In adoption, there are two mothers and only one of them will take that baby home. Either way, you know one mother will hurt deeply. As excited and as hopeful as I was, I knew that if the placement went through, it was going to be terrible for someone and that made me very sad for a girl I loved a whole awful lot. I couldn't, nor wouldn't, have blamed her for changing her mind, but that was terrifying to consider. Little did I know how difficult the actual week of placement would be for the both of us. Paige's birthmom is the strongest, bravest person I know. I marvel at her and her sacrifice and will forever be indebted. This time last year was hard for a lot of reasons. This time this year, I couldn't have more gratitude in my heart for adoption, for my wonderful angel birthmom who changed my world, and my beautiful daughter Paige who has changed me for the better and has enriched Mark and I's lives more deeply than we could have imagined.

Looking ahead Mark will have surgery this next week. What would our lives be without some sort of medical issue right? Fortunately this is a cake walk. Paige is a happy healthy 11 month old and on her way to leaving the infant world behind. It makes me so sad. I hope someday I will get to experience the magical first year of life again. What a miracle to watch a child change, grow, and learn. It is hard and quite the learning experience, but so worth it. I can't believe she is going to be one! We are anxiously anticipating our first big family vacation. We will get to spend a week at Disneyworld with my entire family. Paige will have a pretty killer first birthday and she won't even remember it. Our house seems to be inching along and it is causing me more stress than it probably should. Getting my hole dug seems a world away which saddens me on many levels. Hopefully the ball gets moving a little faster here and the weather cooperates enough to allow us to start soon. I am grateful for all of my many blessings this week of Thanksgiving. I love the holiday season and the spirit that comes with it. Best wishes to our friends and family. Thank you for all you do for us.