Waiting some more...

I am so uninspired to write lately. I wish I had something awesome to write about, but the last time I felt that way life fell apart and was way more exciting than I ever wished it to be.  So while this post will seem mundane and boring to most, I have made it a personal goal to enjoy the times in my life where nothing seems to be going on...except that time passes and each and every day my little one gets older, which I suppose means I am too!

In the last few months, I have struggled with being happy with who I am. It is so hard to feel good enough, pretty enough, fit enough, mother enough, dependable enough, smart enough, funny enough, and the list could go on and on. So often I feel not only inadequate, but unable to fit in. Everything around me feels so unsettled, and often that takes up residence in my heart and I feel so unsettled with myself. I often feel like fitting in has never been my strong point, and being very isolated recently has only emphasized the point. I look forward to General Conference and the spiritual boost it gives me. It gives me a desire to adjust my attitude and look outside of myself to serve others. I especially loved Elder Holland's talk. He mentioned that the only race we are in is a race against sin, not a race against each other. Elder Holland has given a few talks where he encourages us to uplift each other and not compare each other.  A few years ago he gave a talk about the Prodigal Son, but with a twist, emphasizing the righteous son and his feelings of envy. His talk yesterday reminded me of that talk and I hope I can take his advice to heart, working hard to better myself rather than looking at others with envy. I think these feelings of insecurity and inadequacy scare me more now than ever, because I don't want Paige to pick up on them and feel like her self worth is dependant on silly things I seem to base my self worth on. I have quite the list of things to work on, but with a renewed desire to try it thanks to General Conference, it doesn't seem as daunting.
This month really has been more of us waiting around to get things done on the house, and waiting for warm weather. Paige LOVES to be outside and I love to oblige if the elements are acceptable for such excursions. That means we have enjoyed park like conditions twice so far. Yep---twice. Gotta love the never ending wind that can ruin the most beautiful of days. Today I noticed green pushing its way through to brown, it makes me so excited and gives me hope that warm weather truly is around the corner. Paige loves to swing at the park and it has been fun to watch her enjoy things for the first time.  She really loves to just walk around and explore. It makes me smile to see her walk on sand, grass, gravel, and other textures for the first time. I love to be reminded to enjoy the small things in life and soak in our surroundings--one of the many blessings children bring into our lives.

Paige changes so quickly. I feel twangs of sadness as I pack away clothes she has grown out of after wearing once or twice. She is still a picky eater and we supplement a lot with the bottle. I am not sure whether that is good or bad, but she still seems so much like a baby and I feel she might die of malnutrition without it. Paige is Miss Independent and wants to spend her days walking around getting into stuff. I wish we were in a situation that allowed her to explore more without endangering her life. She will eat many non-food items and this month nibbled on a few candles that prompted a poison control call. She has a natural talent to find small things and I am grateful she is a hoarder and not a swallower.

Here are a few random things Paige is into lately that makes me smile.  Paige says mom, woof, uh-oh, mmmm, wow, ya, and her own version of no. Occasionally she will say "dada". she has learned to shake her head, but only no, and will answer any question with a resounding "no". Many times she feels we are talking and carrying on a conversation but I have no idea what we are discussing. Whatever it is, it is important and usually quite serious. She will now hold my hand when we are out and about, love it! She loves Popcorn Popping and will do all the actions as we sing it. She gives high fives more than kisses, still stingy the little stinker! I made a church picture book for her using pictures from the Distribution Center. She was obsessed with a picture of President Monson

First time on the swings.

Loving every minute of it!

Getting big

Cruising around the tennis courts, a favorite past time.

Riding in the car with President Monson

Finally loving and discovering her shopping cart, a Christmas present. I love the shoe she put in there.

Around the first of the year, my dear friend Kacie did some 1 year shots of Paige. She did such a fabulous job! Check her our at Eye Candy by Kacie on Facebook. She captured a ton of fun shots, but here are a few of my favorites: