January in a Nutshell

I can't believe how fast time flies by. I am hoping it keeps going; I am totally sick of winter. I can hear Mark shoveling the foot of snow off the deck. Yuck. Seriously wanting spring. We tried to go for a ride yesterday, and decided after trying to unbury the horse trailer that it was in no way worth it. I was cold sitting in the pick-up. Yes, I am a baby. Now many of you will ask why I live here since I love snow so much, ask Mark. I feel like I used to like winter when I could actually afford to go snowboarding and Mark had knee capable of it. Now I am thinking life would be much happier in a warmer climate.

Despite the joys of winter, January has been a pretty good month. Mark and I officially started our home study for adoption. We are about half way through it. We will get fingerprinted tomorrow for our background checks. I am so excited, not specifically for the background checks, but the adoption. I get nervous once in awhile, just because we have heard that we could actually get a baby pretty soon after are study is complete. That is not so far away. I think the unknown is also a bit scary, but I know it is the right thing so I guess you move ahead. We are trying to get pictures together for our adoption profiles, so we have had to take the camera everywhere. I am sure people are quite annoyed by our new paparazzi status. Here are a few of last months activities:

We rented a cabin with some friends over New Years. It was really fun to watch a bunch of football and eat a bunch of food.

Mark got sworn in as a city council member. It is pretty funny. This picture shows everyone there pretty much. Mark is officially a politician.

At a S.F high school basketball with some friends. We go for the nachos.

I had to take some pictures of me playing indoor soccer for our adoption profiles. Last nights game was a women's league game. It was so much fun! I play so much better when I am not worried about playing good. It was one of my best games. The first picture is of me and my friend Ashlee. We have played together since I was 15-16. I met her playing for a club team in Idaho Falls. I was the new girl and she was one of the few that were nice to me from the beginning. Now, here we are, 10 years later, still playing together. I owe this girl a lot. Her family used to let me stay with them on every soccer tournament trip. I am glad we are still friends! January was good, hoping February is even more exciting!

So long '09

2009--I wish I could say I hated to see you go. The only thing that saddens me about leaving you behind, is how fast you went! I am another year older, and another year is down in the books with little to show for it. I know that blogs usually have some bragging, happy, larger than life moments; I am afraid this post probably won't be that uplifting for anyone. I suppose in these last few hours of 2009, I am feeling a little bit pessimistic and a little bit of a realist. Regardless, overall Mark and I are very blessed. We have each other, a home (for the most part haha), jobs (once again, for the most part), and our health (for the most part). Things are, overall, great. For me, life seems to be on cruise control, in Kansas, where nothing is happening, and if something does, it isn't the end of the world, but it isn't great either. Much like getting a flat tire, but knowing you have a spare. If you have never driven through Kansas and Oklahoma, do it, especially the western parts. It is amazing how much there isn't. Then, you will understand my life in 2009.

The year started off with never ending winter. Do any of you remember a summer? I teach soccer and some other sport classes at the college. I am just part time, so no, I am not a professor. It is a great job, unless it is Mayish--June and there is still snow and freezing temperatures. At 7:45 am, Idaho is cold no matter what month. When summer never comes, working outside has some disadvantages. Basically that is all I remember from the first half of the year, like I said Kansas.

Summer (in the loosest sense of the word) did eventually come. It is by far my favorite time of the year. Why? Because finally I get to do some of this:

And this:

Notice the various layers...summer really struggled. In its defense, I believe this is May. Now comes the flat tire. I feel that the hardest part about growing up is the realization that many of the things you dreamed about as a kid, are never going to happen. How many of us become astronauts, play college sports, or live in a dream house? Overall, that is ok. I decided I was too afraid to be an astronaut, too small to play college sports, and maybe I will live in my dream house someday. Right now, I can't even be a stay at home mom, my dream profession. I feel like very few things in my life have turned out they way I thought they would. One dream, however, actually happened. For as long as I could remember, all I ever wanted was to have a horse and be a cowgirl. I am far from being a cowgirl, but I did get a horse. Maude was a dream come true! I honestly can't believe that I picked out such a great horse. I knew nothing when I found her on the internet. I rode her a few times and I fell in love. Mostly, because I trusted her. When you know nothing, and you jump on a 1200 lb animal, trust becomes pretty important. I can remember the day I got her. It was pretty surreal. Bought all new tack and headed to Roberts. I visited her every day and we got to be pretty good friends. She was pretty much a basket case once in awhile, but even the bad times helped me to learn. Like the time she lost all her hair, no she wasn't dying, she had worms. Or when she would freak out trying to bridle her--because she had bugs in her ears. She taught me a lot about horse and riding; basically everything. She was a symbol to me that yeah, some dreams really do come true, not many, but some. Funny how even that can be messed up.

On June 30th, my horse followed Mark's horse out of the corrals, looking for water. We still don't know how they got out, but they didn't get far. We got a call in the middle of the night from the police and Mark rushed down. I knew I shouldn't go. Mark got down by Mother Hibbard's and a car had collided with my horse. The car won. Fortunately the driver was ok, Maude didn't make it long enough for Mark to get the vet there. I am really glad I didn't see it, but the mental pictures are bad enough. I feel like I didn't do a good job at keeping her safe. I often worry about my dogs getting hit by cars, but not my mare. That night really stunk. It hasn't gotten much easier. I am still horseless, and will be for awhile. We got suckered into buying this guy

and sold him for a loss after finding out he was basically unrideable. He was a big mistake that we will be "learning from" for awhile. Part of my summer of finding myself I did experiment with this:

I loved it but keeping up with the blonde roots got pretty old. So after the hair change and the horse dying, I decided to turn my focus to starting a family with more urgency. We have been trying for a long time to have kids with no luck. I thought I was basically at the adoption or invitro route. I switched doctors and Dr. Barton suggested we try a few more things. I was excited to have options again. I ended up having a few more tests done, all came back fine. After lab-ratting it, we decided to do IUI or artificial insemination. It was super fun (is that the word?) taking hormones, and doing various procedures, and finding out they all didn't work. I think 2009 went so fast because I counted days a lot. Weeks, days, months, yadda yadda. When you are always looking ahead to a certain day of your cycle, you miss out on many moments. Mark had surgery just to frost the cake. On a happy note, we have met our medical deductible times five. Too bad car insurance doesn't work that way... the car could use some surgery. And my stove, and my floors, and my windows. When it rains....it pours!

The months flew by and before I knew it, it was winter once again. For obvious reasons, my sports classes really take a dive in the winter. What I found out was that my classes were really cutting back this year, as in none. I won't be working again until April. That is fine, if I had any thing else to do. It is winter, I am not pregnant nor will I be, and I am at a huge standstill. It isn't a great feeling to see life pass you buy and to feel like everyone is progressing all around you. Mark is on the high council and loves his job. He progressed a lot in '09 as I watched. My future is lookin just as bleak. I could go back to school, but that costs money, money we need for an adoption, or in vitro, or physical therapy, or a house where it doesn't snow inside. I could focus on my hobbies, but they are all outdoor type stuff. I suppose I need to find some new hobbies and maybe volunteer somewhere. I should, and I plan on serving more, but at the end of the day, I can't help but think that my life is really not where I thought it would be. The hardest part is I don't know what I want anymore. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up, and I am up! I do have a new calling, so I have something to push me. I know I shouldn't feel sorry for myself, but I do get down sometimes. It is hard to see so many others having families, having careers, and increasing their talents. I guess I have some work to do. I feel like I wasted 2009. I have no one to blame but myself for that. Hopefully I can make something out of 2010. I know I need to make the most out of everyday, but that is hard when it feels like nothing you do works out. I need more faith that someone has plan for me and that He knows better than I do. My new year resolution...be more proactive in 2010. I don't want another year to pass me by. I am sick of feeling stuck!

Sorry for the really long blog, if any of you made it to the end....congratulations! The sad thing is it really did sum up an entire year, and it wasn't THAT long. If any of you wishes you had some help, I am ready to serve someone else. Let me know what I can do for you. I am grateful that I have a chance to journal once in awhile, at the expense of all of you:) I am still blessed and still grateful. I have this

and this

I have family, friends, and a testimony. I guess at the end of the day, that is all you really need.

Tis the Season

I am really loving Christmas this year. Mark and I decided to simplify and go easy on the gifts. I have tried to make the gifts I have gotten meaningful and few in number. For my family, since we are all over the country and Poland,  we all did services for others on the same day instead of a gift exchange. For Mark's family, we also opted out of the usual gift exchange and helped a family in need. I don't know if it is the emphasis on service or the failed attempts to start a family, but I feel very grateful for the Savior. I have been down and frustrated with my life, and the Christmas spirit has really saved me this year. It seems to be more evident this year than others.

Lately I have been contemplating the amazing miracle the birth of Christ really is. I admire Mary so much, she was an incredible woman. I can't imagine knowing you were to be the mother of a baby that would save the world. She also had to go through the pain and sacrifice of watching her son die for the rest of us. I know the Savior loved and respected his mother so much. He asked his apostles to watch over her as he hung on the cross. It really is mind blowing to know he had a mortal mother, and an immortal father. He truly is the literal, only begotten son of the Father. I have also thought a lot this year about Joseph. What an amazing man! He helped raise a boy that was not his. He basically was an adoptive father which hits really close to me. I hope someday we are adoptive parents. Anyway, Joseph provided and protected his family. He was close to the Spirit and listened, moving his family to Egypt to escape Herod. They were a real family, real people, and probably had some very normal human days. Christ came as a baby, just like the rest of us, and needed a father and mother to care for him. I admire the shepards and wise men who had the faith to find the Messiah and believed in him, as he was, a child. They believed without seeing any of his mortal ministry. They knew that he wasn't just another baby. The believed the prophecies. What an incredible night. One special night that took place in the most humble circumstances, that changed the world. There would be no purpose for us without the birth of the Savior. I love Christmas time; the lights, music, smells, and family. I can't believe it is over in just a few days. I really don't want to see it go!

One of my favorite songs is a primary song written by some very talented people in my ward. The chorus goes:

One night, a babe was born, a perfect baby boy.
The Father's own begotten son, what a gift of joy!
For he came to save the world, for every boy and girl.
A gift of love, from heaven above,
It all happened one night!

A Series of Unfortunate Events

Poor Mark! Maybe if he had a nicer wife, this story would have had a better ending. In July, Mark was showing off his BMX bike skills for his nieces and nephews. He was well equipped with his cowboy boots, and his bike, a bike he last rode when he was twelve. Needless to say, things didn't turn out well. I was inside talking to his parents, when Lauren came in. "Jenny, Mark needs you." I went out on the back lawn and there he was all crumpled in a ball. He told me his knee had popped. Being the patient person I am, my immediate response was anger. I asked him if he could walk and he said yes. I told him to buck up and get moving. He ended up driving us home a few minutes later. He handled things pretty well and just complained that it was sore. I thought since he had no swelling and was able to move around, it probably wasn't that serious. For months Mark did pretty good. He complained occasionally of soreness. I kept telling him he had sprained it and needed to give it time. I really thought he was being a little bit wussy. He gave up golfing, running, his BMX biking days.....and started to feel pretty good. I even got him to the gym in October and he was beginning to work out regularly. He was feeling so good, that he decided to play in the annual Turkey Bowl.

I usually go and play, but I am a fair weather football player and since there was snow on the ground, I bundled up Mark and sent him on his way. It wasn't 30 minutes before I heard the back door open. He came limping in and said he had slipped. I was a little more understanding this time. After all, it had been about 6 months. The Roderick's, sponsors of the Turkey Bowl, captured the special play for us.

This is during

This is after. Take a close look at his face, it is actually pretty funny. We appreciate Dr. Roderick, the team doctor, giving immediate care. After a round of applause, the golf cart came on the field and carted Mark away. He had a tough time walking after this one. I gave in and we decided to go to the doctor on Tuesday. The doctor knew right away Mark had blown his ACL. The wife felt pretty stupid and guilty at this point. I guess I should have listened a little more. We scheduled surgery for Friday. It was a pretty crazy week. Friday morning we arrived at the hospital and I took a before picture.

Nothing like a hospital bed and gown. He was pretty nervous at this point, but I had absolute confidence in the doctor. After they wheeled Mark to surgery, I headed to the cafeteria for lunch. The first person I saw was our doctor. I was a little surprised and tried to figure out where they had taken Mark. The doctor assured me they wouldn't start surgery without him. Confidence restored. About 2 1/2 hours later, Mark came back looking pretty chipper.

His knee is still wrapped up so we don't know what it looks like under all that mess. I can't imagine its pretty. The surgery went well and he had no other damage other than the ACL. He has his first physical therapy session tomorrow and we are looking forward to putting the therapists' kids through college. The whole event came at a bad time. We are really wanting to adopt and are a little frustrated the money we have been saving will be drained rather quickly. He has a pretty long road ahead of him, but he is young and healthy and he should be feeling much better in a few days. Hopefully he can ditch the crutches in a week and it has to be uphill from there! We appreciate our friends and family for all of their love and support. We both will be ten pounds heavier thanks to all the goodies.

Sister-in-laws

Many of you know, I am the only girl in my family. The day each of my brothers got married was amazing. I finally had sisters to call my own. I am fortunate to have two of the best sisters a girl could ask for. I am impressed my brothers were able to swindle these two great ladies to marry them:) For my birthday, Sam's wife Courtney made me this cozy blanket. Knowing that I have lusted after many a babies' blanket, Courtney made me my own, adult-sized minkie blanket. Bless her! She must know my husband likes to keep our cave below 70 degrees. Courtney taught herself how to quilt. She also is an amazing artist. You should see her drawings, landscape designs, and birthday cakes. She is a true Southern Belle and gives Sam a run for his money. They are the funniest couple, they love to compete with each other. Sam makes up the games, Courtney beats  him at them. Its great. She also had an incredibly difficult time getting pregnant but she now has an amazing little one-year old. She is an example to me of patience, love, and understanding.

Max's wife, Kirsti Joy, brings just that! Joy! I just got back from a week in Kansas City. I rarely get to see Max and Kirsti's family so I was pretty excited to spend some time with her. She has introduced me to many great things, Lost, Twilight, bread makers, musicians, websites, Anne of Green Gables, and the list goes on and on. She is always there to listen to me ramble on about my "issues" and "problems". She is an amazing mom and if you saw how she raises and teaches her three boys, it would make you tired. She works so hard for her family. She does her best to make each day special. This is a picture of her youngest, Graham. His birthday is next week. Kirsti taught her boys to read before they went to school. her oldest, Elliot, can recite all the presidents of the United States, the Articles of Faith, and many other bizarre facts.  He loves Jules Verne and CS Lewis, both of which he reads on his own....did I mention he is 6? Ya, amazing mom!

Kirsti loves to have a good time and she is never afraid to make the most of any experience. I love how she can make anything fun, and fun things MORE fun. Contrary to popular belief which will be fostered by this post, I am not a crazed Twilight fan. Yes, I do love the books. The first movie was embarassing, but New Moon was pretty fun. Kirsti got us tickets to the midnight showing. We arrived 4 hrs before showtime, equipped with blankets, hot chocolate, and quizzes. It was freezing cold, but we laughed and kept warm. When they opened the doors, we led the stampede into the theatre. More out of our own personal safety, but hey I waited for hours and I wasn't going to let some tween beat me to my seat!  It was fun to be a crazed fan for at least one night. We even bought some pretty amazing Twilight shirts.

Moral of the post, I love these two sisters of mine! Good things come to those who wait. I knew having brothers would pay off someday;)

Embarking on a New Journey

For my birthday, Mark broke down and finally got me a computer and the Internet. He really dragged his feet, but I won out in the end:) I sort of feel like an old lady, I have very little computer knowledge. Blogging, Facebook, all new to me! I have felt my life very unworthy of blogging. Mark and I keep things pretty simple. If I bore all of you to death, at least I know I am somewhat of a journaler. Since I have stalked many a blog, I felt obligated to give back just a little and let you all know what Mark and I are up to.

Mark works for a software development company. He knows not so much about creating software, but he's pretty good at selling it. I have been a lucky duck and I teach soccer classes at BYU-Idaho. Don't ask me how I nailed that one down. I believe it was some sort of reward for enduring a slew of really crappy jobs. If anyone out there is considering history for an undergrad degree...get out now! I don't know how much longer I will get to be at the college since they are cutting back on adjunct faculty, but I feel blessed for the time I have been there.

We have been trying to have children for over 3 1\2 years with no luck. We have tried just about everything and now after another failed procedure, are trying to decide what to do next. It is stressful and scary. I don't know how everything will turn out, when I do, I am sure I will let you all know.

We feel blessed to live in Parker, ID. We are surrounded by the most amazing people and friends. We feel fortunate to feel a part of their families. Thank you all for sharing your lives with me via your blogs. Many a dark day I was able to grab some inspiration from the rest of you.