A Season of Miracles

I love, love, LOVE this time of year! Everyone does, but I still must profess how great the holidays really are. Christmas gets better every year. I think with age comes appreciation and maybe I feel like the true spirit of Christmas is more apparent because "things" aren't as important as they used to be. I was blessed to come from a grounded home where Christmas was so special and quite balanced. My parents were always careful to make sure Santa came, but that we understood it was Christ's birthday. Santa brought three presents, because that is all Jesus got (gold, frankincense, and myrrh) and it was HIS birthday. We lived in Utah at the time, so we always went to Temple Square and to a local production of The Christmas Carol. The first year we moved here, my parents surprised us by taking us out of school and back down to Utah so we could enjoy those traditions one more time. I love looking back on childhood memories. I used to think all the best Christmas's were those of Christmas past. I am seeing that the spirit of Christmas future can be, and will be just as bright.

Since it is rare to have the family together for Christmas anymore, I realize how special getting together as a family really is. Sam is coming this year for the holidays, and it is BJ's first Christmas back from the mission. It will be a wonderful holiday spent with most of our family together again. We will miss Max and his family, but we will find ways to connect with them as well. I feel like a kid again as I anxiously await for Christmas Eve and being together.

This holiday season, Mark and I feel overjoyed. I am starting to see that the Christmas spirit really does live all year round if we let it. This year can honestly be wrapped up as a year of Christmas. We have been loved, blessed, served, and comforted. We have seen evidence of angels and of miracles. We have felt the love of the Savior in our lives and know that he is mindful of us and loves us on a deeply personal level. We have felt the power of the atonement in many different ways. We have learned so much and have grown closer together. For the past two weeks, Mark has had a nagging cough, which is unsettling. That was one of Mark's first symptoms last year--and his wife told him to suck it up. This time around, I had a hard time convincing myself that a cold and cough are perfectly normal human ailments. Fortunately, Mark had his three month scan coming up, so we had an opportunity for peace of mind. As the scan drew near, I really psyched myself out and was really nervous. It is hard not having active treatment and trying to get back to normal life. There are times when February seems like a lifetime ago, but no matter how hard you try to compartmentalize the past, the reality that it did happen and the associated fear creeps in so easily.

I have been working on reading the Bible cover to cover. I am finally in the New Testament and was reading in St John the other night. Chapter 11 really struck me as I was struggling with my own insecurities. Mary and Martha send a message to the Savior that their brother Lazarus is sick. The apostles are anxious about going to help them because there are many people in that region angry with Jesus, and they fear that they, and the Savior will be stoned. Word comes that Lazarus has died, but Jesus still decides to make his journey back. The apostles once again voice their concerns about going, but Thomas boldy states, "Let us go, that we may die with him" (St John 11:16). I really never remembered this part of the story and I find it fascinating. Up until this year, the only thing I remembered about Thomas was his doubt. He goes down in history as Doubting Thomas. He is remembered for only believing that Christ is resurrected after seeing and feeling the prints in his hands and in his side. I, sadly, can be so much like Thomas. There are so many times when I feel strong and believing and ready for anything. How quickly that changes because I am afraid. I, like Peter, walk on water until I look around and see all there is to be afraid of, and rather than trusting, I sink. Fear overcomes me so easily--and with fear, there is an absence of faith. Leading up to this scan I was "of little faith."  Things have been going so great for Mark and I lately, that I just felt like we were on borrowed time and the world would crash beneath us at any time. As his scan came back not only clear, but "impressively clear,"  I felt such relief and happiness. I wasn't surprised, just grateful. Ashamed that I only believed after seeing, but still grateful that my unbelief was unfounded. The doctor showed us the CT scan from February 11th, and compared it to this most recent one. A seriously large, invasive, and life threatening was displayed on one side, on the other was just a small area of scar tissue to remind us of what once was. That is our miracle, shown to us by one our angels.

This Christmas season we have so much to be grateful for. We have our health back, we have a comfortable home, we have each other, we have friends, and we have family. My focus this year is not only on the Savior, but his wonderful mother, who also had to sacrifice so much. She knew that she bore the Christ and that his road was a perfect one, but not an easy one. She knew that someday, he would suffer for the rest of us. I also think a lot about Joseph--not a biological father, but an adoptive father. A father who loved a son and faced scrutiny for having a pregnant, espoused wife, but lovingly did the job he was asked to do. I loved the talk President Uchtdorf gave in the First Presidency Christmas devotional. My favorite part was when he described how joyous the heavens were that night, so much joy that it could not be contained in the heavens. The veil was parted and they sung praises to the shepherds. Amazing. The entire story is so beautiful! For me, this Christmas will be joyous, and  it will be hard to contain how I feel. 2010 is almost over, but there are still incredible blessings in store for us before it ends.