Behind

Wow--It has been a crazy few weeks and I am pretty much behind in everything, especially blogging. I am pretty sure 5 people read my blog, so I know it's been a huge disappointment to the masses having no updates. The move was overall successful, we have a few loose ends that still need to be tied up, but we are in and mostly unpacked. I have a junk room, mostly filled with decor that hasn't found a home yet. I have been reluctant to take pictures and give y'all the big reveal because there are quite a few things that need finishing. I lived without cabinets for a few days, I now have most of my cabinets done, but no hardware and a few key doors are gone. I have no bathroom mirrors, towel or toilet paper roll holders, mailbox,  and the main feature in my living room is currently a massive tower of plywood. It is pretty beautiful. Now that the holidays are over, I am hoping some of these loose ends will get tied up. It has been lovely being here, having a garage and a furnace and a nice big old tub to sit in when I have had enough! The cleaning process was a disaster. Mark was pretty sure it was worth saving some money and having me do all the construction cleaning. While that may be true, after 3 straight cleaning days I was ticked I agreed to do it. In the future and for anyone wondering, it may not be a waste of money having someone else do all that nitty gritty. It was awful. My hands are still trying to recover. I am still finding dust everywhere, and probably will for years. I have been maniacal when it has come to cleanliness, I want it all to be perfect. My OCD is in full swing, but no matter how hard I try, it just isn't going to be perfect. I spent HOURS on my kitchen floor, and still vacuum it almost every day, and as soon as someone walks through the door, sawdust is tracked everywhere. I am learning it is a battle I can't win, and a pretty ridiculous battle anyway.

Paige's birthday fell right on moving day, so we pushed it back a week and I threw a little housewarming/birthday party for the grandparents and Paige's birth family. I didn't think moving and getting ready for Christmas was enough to keep me busy I guess. It turned out to be an awesome day and everything came together really well. I made the cake, hot cocoa, and appetizer, but cheated on the main meal and bought chicken salad sandwiches and a salad. Best idea ever---thanks Mom! Paige was so fun and pretty excited about the presents, cake, and extra attention she was getting. She wasn't spoiled at all! I was so grateful her birth family made the trek up here to be with us. They made the day super special. We love them and they really are an extension of our family! This sweet thing is starting college this semester and I feel like a proud mamma. I am SO happy for her. I knew the moment I met her she had more tenacity and gumption than almost anyone I had ever met. She is an incredible person and has taught me what it means to overcome obstacles and soar!

Gotta love this picture! If you were ever wondering why Paige is so darn beautiful, this should provide you with an answer!

 

After seeing the amazing He-Man cake my sister-in-law made for my nephew a few months back, I was feeling inspired and slightly pressured to come up with something decent for Paige. My little brother helped me quite a bit with the finishing touches. I think it turned out really cute, and it was YUMMY! I cheated and did a cake mix, but the frosting is a homemade mint frosting that was delicious. It is my grandmother's recipe and was one of the fancier things I have ever attempted to make. Not hard, but room for error for sure. I had no back up plan, so thank goodness it turned out!

Remember the part about Paige being spoiled?! Well in addition to the fabulous presents from her parents and grandparents, her birth family brought up this special gift. Her very own kitty. Paige was ecstatic and hasn't stopped! Poor kitty has had to learn some survival skills and I don't think there is a mutual love going on. Paige directs the kitty, bosses the kitty, and packs the kitty around. We tried to name the kitty Boots after Paige's other love, but everyone keeps calling it Kitty. I don't know if we can move past that. Paige was pretty excited to share her new tent, tea set, and shopping cart with the cat. The cat was less excited about all these adventures. Kitty has since been banished to the garage, where it is still being spoiled, but still tries to sneak into the house now and then. Unacceptable. You are cute Kitty, but you are not going to be a house cat on this farm! I am hoping it has some mad mousing skills!

 

 

 

 

After Paige's party, we had about three whole days before it was time for Christmas. Paige was pretty excited about this fun magnetic calendar from Grandma. It was one of the very few decorations that made it up this year. I snapped the other shot on Christmas Sunday. It was her holiday dress this year and she looked so cute!

 

Christmas morning seems to be a little overwhelming for Paige. She was pretty unsure about things and wanted some serious snuggles from Grandpa before she warmed up to the whole idea. This is becoming a Christmas tradition. Here is this years picture.....

 

And last years......

 

I don't know why she has a breakdown, but that is how we start the day. She warmed up a lot quicker this year, and was once again spoiled!

 

She LOVES this roller coaster. It is the gift that keeps on giving. In addition to the coaster, she got a stroller and bottle for her baby, which she opened first and refused to put down to open other presents. She also got a new stuffed animal (baby she says), Little People Playhouse, clothes, hat, books, and candy.

Pretty sure I have asked for a pony for Christmas since I was 3, Mark made my dreams come true and surprised me with this little guy. I was floored! I found this guy in October and fell in love. Mark seemed very disinterested and then told a few lies that put me way off track. He wrapped the AQHA papers and few pictures for me to open Christmas morning. I was so shocked and happy, I cried. Something about Scout grabbed my attention and I wasn't looking for any other horses. I was so sad when Mark said he was no longer for sale.Yay! Glad he is no longer for sale;)

 

Here are a few teasers of the new house. This light fixture caused me some anxiety. Our first choice fell through, and I loved this one in the store, but once it was hung, I was worried it was too low. You can see the box in the background waiting for a final decision. In the end, I decided I wasn't tall, and I loved the fixture too much to part with it.

 

This was our living room the night they laid carpet, we moved in two days later. That plywood monstrosity still looks that way, it just has a TV up there instead of doorknobs. I love this carpet. One of the best choices I made for sure!

 

Last Saturday, we rolled into Texas Roadhouse. I have taken a cooking hiatus over the holidays. I haven't had time to go to the store really, so eating out and over at families has been the ticket. Between that and my overindulgence in food....the last few weeks have been scary I am sure. Hopefully tomorrow we will get back into the swing of things. Paige is usually a nightmare to eat out with, but this night she did great and we had so much fun!

 

Earlier that day, Mark decided to take Paige on a 4-wheeler ride. It was darn cold outside, like 9 degrees. I tried to bundle up Paige the best I could for her first real snow adventure. I hate the snow, so we don't get out much. I leave those activities to Dad, and last year she was just too small. Mark said she loved it. She was pretty happy when she came home, but her face was frozen. Even Mark had to admit it was a little frosty out there!

 

And thus ended our Holidays. We had a great time, even if it was a little unorthodox. I feel so sad it came and went so fast and we had little time to soak it all in. I honestly hate the thought of a new year. Time seems to go so fast. I am unprepared for life to pass so quickly. I hate that I am getting older, that Paige is getting older, that the world is getting more and more crazy. Ahh! It all just stresses me out. 2013 has already promised some bittersweet changes and I am pretty much dreading June. Gah, it will be a pretty big life change for us around here. Hopefully some good things are around the corner and I can get some things figured out. I feel like I am running out of time. Does anyone else ever feel that way? I feel like time is short for so many things, but especially growing our family. I know it isn't true...kinda....but it really feels as if I am running out of time and I have no direction. I do not have a plan. I want a baby so bad, but have no plan and don't feel like I have much control. Add with the June life changer and I really feel like I am running outta time. Hopefully I can shed some light on that soon, but now isn't the time for the big blog reveal.  I hope this year isn't a stalemate for us. I honestly crave change and progress in my life. Strange I know, but I feel like I get restless pretty easy. I think that's why I hate January so much. It just feels dull and like nothing ever happens. I hope I didn't just dare karma and curse myself with something bad. It seems to happen that way right? At least for me anyways!

 

I have been reading a novel my other sister-in-law wrote (seriously I have overachieving, awesome, sister-in-laws that make me feel super untalented), and it is honestly a good story. How cool is that? She wrote a book...sheesh! I am hoping I find some confidence, drive, and niche for myself this year. I hope I can find and accomplish something fulfilling and self-improving. If I could only discover what that might be, I could actually make a resolution to do it!

 

Well 5 readers, thanks for sticking it out to the end of my really long post. It feels good to catch up and journal a little bit about our last few weeks! We feel very blessed and humbled by our blessings. I hope we can be deserving of them and look for ways to lift those around us. Happy New Year to all our friends and loved ones, we hope it's a good one for us all!

Calm Before the Storm

This week is going to be a nightmare. I am chilling this Monday morning and thinking of all the things that have to happen before Sunday rolls around, and it is pretty overwhelming. I can't even get a jumpstart on it. It is hard to believe that in one week from now, we will actually be in our new home. I told Mark the other day that it doesn't seem like our house, it seems like a project and I can't even imagine myself living there. Is that strange?! Maybe it has been a type of defense mechanism to keep from getting my hopes up. There is a lot of cleaning and packing to be done, in both rental and new house, but I can't really do either until later this week. And Mark will conveniently be gone. That kid has a special talent for avoiding moving. In our last three moves, yours truly has done essentially all of the cleaning and packing. I even loaded most of our stuff in the trailer last time. Mark had a hernia so all the real heavy lifting was done by his brothers. I wish I could go for a week and come home to a clean, unpacked, new home!

In the next 3 days, the house should be completed. It will be a blitz, but I think it is doable. Electrical is done and inspection is passed. Today is plumbing, tomorrow is carpet. Hopefully my cabinets and fireplace will also be done today and tomorrow. That really is all that is left. Mark is pretty tired of buying annoying things like hardware and blinds...all the fun details you don't have to deal with when you buy an existing home. The backsplash situation is causing me serious anxiety. I had NO idea how expensive they are! I feel like it is the most expensive part of the house, which I know is not true, but it feels that way. Especially since it comes at the end when our wallets feel a bit lighter. I was hoping it wasn't going to be a necessity right away, but I can tell it will be, especially in the bathrooms.

It has honestly been a pretty insane few weeks. I feel like we have been super busy doing nothing. Everyday is full of lots of little errands, combined with nap time and wham! Another day spent with not a lot to show for it. We have managed to have a little fun, highlighted by a trip to see family, including Paige's birthmom and her family. I always love seeing them! It had been much too long, and we had a great time, even despite waiting in traffic for an hour only to find that we arrived at the wrong mall. GRRRRR. I have no one to blame for that mistake but myself. Even though I really wanted to blame Mark:) We had our first ever hotel experience with Paige, and I have to say she did really good. She was fascinated by the elevator, and I think I am the only one that didn't get any sleep. Paige climbed into bed with me in the wee hours of the morning and I enjoyed a very rare snuggling moment, which was enjoyable but not restful. Paige is not a peaceful sleeper. Between Mark and Paige, I was hanging on the edge of the king sized bed, freezing cold.  How do those family bed people do it?!

Can't wait for some summer evenings on this front porch!

Even though it's freezing cold, it helps keep the mud at bay.

We are still waiting for cabinet doors and drawers, hopefully soon. I didn't notice until I posted this picture that Paige had sneaked herself into it. She pretty much thinks the new house is a fun playground.

My awesome wood floors in Mark's office and the foyer.

 

Cool tile around my tub, I forgot to take a picture of the shower, it looks amazing!

LOVE our granite, we changed our minds at the last minute to go with this particular slab, but I am glad we did. The colors are perfect for our home.

Cabinets before the granite. We even have appliances now.

This little girl is as baby hungry as her mamma. She always has a friend by her side. Last night she changed the diapers of two plush snowmen. I have to say she did a pretty good job. She insisted these two babies eat with her. I love her bib that proclaims her love for a mysterious big sister. Pears and chicken nuggets are 2 of 4 foods I can get Paige to eat regularly. And of course......ranch!

This picture was taken by Paige's birthmom. I love that Paige is sharing her sucker and that as Mark licks it, Paige sticks her tongue out.

 A good cheese moment.

Hats and babies are the current obsession around these parts. We bought this hat for her last Christmas, but she has only recently decided it was cool.

 

 

Can't believe this little bug of mine will be 2 this week. AHHH! Time flies. We will have to postpone the big party for a week since her actual birthday will be one busy moving day. We are so blessed to have her in our home. She makes our lives  a lot more exciting. 

Thankful

I have always tried to be a thankful person. I try to make a special effort to recognize the blessings I have. There are times in my life where it has been harder to be grateful, and then there have been times where I am bursting at the seems with gratitude and wonder how I will ever be able to repay the debt. When Mark was sick, it was extremely hard not to be angry. I truly felt we had been kicked while we were down. Whether it is right or wrong, or whether they have anything to do with one another, or perhaps I am doing better at recognizing my blessings, but this year has honestly been a year of blessing overload. I look at the trials we have had, and the blessings we enjoy, and it makes the trials more than worth it. Perhaps Mark would disagree since he was the one that had to physically carry the burden for us, but even he would have to admit that a lot of good came out of the cancer days. Like I said, maybe they aren't related at all, or the trials taught me to look at things differently. Either way, I feel like we have been richly blessed and are truly indebted to our Heavenly Father. I hope that we can live by the creed, "where much is given, much is required" and show our Heavenly Father we are grateful by blessing the lives of others.  In my last few posts, and honestly, most days, I have had a pretty bad attitude----especially when it comes to construction. I get so caught up in what isn't happening, that I have forgotten what IS happening and how blessed we are to even have the opportunity. I haven't shown a spirit of gratefulness that is for sure! I know that there will still be times I want to scream and pull my hair out, but I hope I can remember to be more positive and thankful.

I am not very good at the Christmas card thing, and with the holiday season officially underway, this year isn't looking very good for them either. I posted most of our family pictures on Facebook, but I know I have a lot of family members that aren't on Facebook, but read my blog. So, taking the lazy route, here are some of my favorite shots:

 

Family pictures were an adventure, and Paige was super grumpy, but we were still able to get quite a few shots that I can't wait to hang on the walls of our new home.

For FHE this week, we built a fort, or a pretty poor representation of a fort. I don't know if I was a better fort maker when I was a kid, or if my childhood expectations of forts were lower, but this was one poor excuse of a fort! Paige seemed to think it was pretty cool, especially crawling in and out of it. The shoddy construction didn't quite hold up to her constant movement, fortunately we were able to capture one good "cheese" moment before demolition.

Paige and Grandma Mary Lou. Paige finally discovered this is one sweet grandma and went to her on her own accord. She is usually all about Grandpa Thaylon and hangs Grandma out to dry. It was fun to watch Paige spread the wealth a little bit at our last big family party.

Mark has been living the dream this fall. Between construction and harvest, he has gotten to "work" in many different tractors and loves every second of it. Paige is definitely a daddy's girl and loves a good tractor ride. She will sit for hours with him in a tractor. She told us the other day that cows are cute. Mark has sufficiently brainwashed her!

Mark convinced me to hop in for a tractor ride. Pretty grateful to have these two in my life!

 

 

I hope this Thanksgiving finds all of our family and friends well. We love you all and count you among our richest blessings. Thank you for all the love and support you have shown us. We are looking forward to this holiday season and having a toddler around to make it even more magical!

 

Ramblings

 

The title of this post will make more sense as I go along, but I wanted to do a house update before I got into the more important stuff. I was noticing the other day that I have hardly any exterior photos of the house posted. I suppose it's because its been a slow go on the outside. It was basically a plywood mess until a few weeks ago. These pictures are a little outdated already. The columns have since been trimmed out, and rock is going up. It is coming together well----but not fast enough! I am anxious to be in for the holidays. I was anxious to be in a few months ago. We are now in worst, worst, worst case scenario and still waiting on cabinets for at least another week. Uugghhhh. 

 

This picture was taken a few days ago. That pretty sand pile is ready for concrete now.

 This particular picture showcases Mark and I's current disagreement. I initially wanted both gables to have the lighter, vertical siding. There was miscommunication (imagine that) and the builder ordered only enough to do as shown. Both of my siding choices were special order, and I didn't want to rip down what we had to wait around for a month. Since we already paid for this siding, it might as well cover the plywood. In the meantime, Mark decided he likes this look better. He likes that the gables are different and contrast each other. I conceded that it does look OK, but I maintain I want that white strip that separates the vertical from the horizontal to go clear across. Mark and all the guys at the construction site think it looks fine the way it is, and the white line's job is to separate the two different sidings, and would look funny on the other garage with just one siding type.

 A completed look at the siding from the back

The only big progress made this week was my vinyl floors. My bathrooms, kitchen, and mud room are officially done. I really like this product. I am crazy and opted out of tile or real hardwood in these areas. I wanted easy to clean and maintain. I like how it all turned out.

I think this looks pretty good even being crazy dirty

 Luxury vinyl folks....looks pretty good don't ya think?

 

 

Now on to the most important thing in my life, this little bug! Paige is getting big, full of attitude, and crazy! She can make me laugh, cry, scream, sigh, and burst with joy all in the same day. I can't believe she will be 2 in one month. She is turning into quite the talker. I sometimes can understand her, and sometimes I have no idea. She will ramble a few sentences and I am sure she knows what she is saying, but I haven't a clue. I got a pretty stern lecture complete with finger shaking and scowl, but I still don't have a clue as to what it was all about! She loves the phone and wants to call someone as soon as she gets up. She holds any number of things to her ear and says "yo----yuv you---bye. " She tries to say "hello" but it sounds like "yo", she really isn't trying to be gangster, but it is hilarious nevertheless. Paige loves cows, snacks, kitty's, and getting into things. Some of her favorite things to grab are glasses, phones, my earplugs, pens, Roxy's dog food, things out of the garbage, and laundry. She is big into giving kisses and saying prayers lately. The terrible twos have arrived and Paige loves to throw herself on the floor or throw a tantrum if things don't go her way. Paige likes to tell me she is two and shows me she is two with three fingers. She informed me the other day she was in charge, which is likely true. At 2, she is pretty sure she can do anything herself---especially eating. It's a battle to convince her to let me help her. Last week she figured out how to climb out of her crib and open doors. My defenses are all gone. At a friends, she found her way to the makeup drawer and smothered lipstick all over herself. Later that day she picked out some snacks from the garbage can. Her hands are constantly reaching for something. I am shocked at what she can reach from a shopping cart. The little pick pocket always snatches something when I am not looking!

 

Paige loves to have me take her picture on my phone and then show it to her. She always gives me a good "cheese" and then says "more, cheese?" Cheap entertainment I suppose. When I ask Paige a question, she will sometimes tap her lips with a finger and say, "hmmmmm" as if she is making a huge decision. Paige likes to dance, but only to Kesha's "Die Young." Don't ask me why, but she loves to groove to that song.  We have tried to record it, but it isn't easy. She isn't one for an audience. A few days ago,  I got her all dressed for the day, Paige told me she was "so cute."  I had to agree with her on that one! I love her, even though she can be pretty difficult at times, she will give me a hug, a kiss, or a little pat and it is all forgotten. She likes me to rest my head on her lap and she will rub or pat my head. If I try to get up, she tells me "more" and pushes my head back down. I love when she shows affection, emotion, and concern. Paige is really turning into a big girl. Mark and I are so blessed to have her in our home. She keeps us young and on our toes.



This little turkey loves glasses. She is constantly stealing them from our nightstands. I don't know how she even sees with my glass bottles on.

Paige has a slight obsession with shoes, especially boots. The DC's were her choice this morning and I was impressed she got them on the right feet. She is actually saying "cheese" in all these pictures.

Silly girl!

Loves my headbands. I came downstairs to find she had fixed her own hair and figured out how to climb up the chairs and onto the table. I have been lucky it has taken her this long to discover she could get up there.

These are clean clothes, from her drawers. I had an even better surprise when I got to her room. Half of her drawers on the floor, the other half in the dirty clothes basket. Amazing how fast they can be destructive.

Another "cheese" moment. It cracks me up.

I love when she sits long enough for me to pull her hair all up. It is getting long again, and a little thicker. She is really starting to look grown-up!

 

This is becoming a long and boring post, but I have had a few things weighing on my mind lately. I have so much to be grateful for, and I feel so blessed, so it is frustrating to feel discouraged about things. I was really hoping to be out of this rental by now and "home" for the holidays. All my stuff is in storage, and with Paige getting older, I wanted to be doing home type things instead of the crazy, hectic mess things are right now. Limbo is a terrible place to reside. One of Paige's favorite words is "mess" and it's no wonder considering how much I say it. Sometimes everything just feels like a mess. I know it runs deeper than the new house, or this house(even though this house really is a mess), or any "things." My birthday comes and goes, and I get older and it's hard for me---for a lot of reasons. I always thought that having Paige would cure me of the infertility woes. I scoffed during adoption classes that said over and over that adoption wasn't a cure all. How could you still be sad when you finally have a child?  And it is true, for a long time I had a baby and it was fine, I didn't think about it. But Paige is almost 2,  I am almost 30. Windows feel like they are closing, whether they really are or not, they feel that way. I get asked all the time when we are going to have another baby, and it frustrates me. I wish I had any control over the situation. I wish I knew how, or when, or what to do in any way. This time around feels even more discouraging because I simply don't know what to do. I do know that I am scared. I am scared to go through the same things I went through for years before Paige came along. It was hurtful in a lot of ways and to do all that and take care of Paige sounds daunting. We are totally open to another adoption but we aren't able to go the same route we went through last time. I don't know when or how or if or what we can do, or what the right thing to do is. I know what I want to have happen, but I don't know how to get there. It's hard not to have any idea about what to do. I do feel very blessed to have Paige and I am so grateful to have our little family. I may have to learn that this may be it for us, but I hope not. I would love  Paige to have a sibling. I hate being baby hungry, seriously one of the worst feelings ever!

 

In addition to all those feelings, Paige's birthday is a serious time of reflection for me. Every single day I think about what it felt like 2 years ago, I think about Paige's birth mom and how much we love her and miss her and her family. Times goes by and we all change and get older and move on a bit, which is so great. I wouldn't want it any other way. I just don't want to forget any of those feelings, emotions, or events. I don't want them to forget how much we love them, think about them, and are grateful for them. Enough of my ramblings. We have lots to be thankful for and I am excited for the next few weeks. I am sure things will be busy if anything, and I have learned busy is good!