Who Doesn't Like a Makeover??

Today, once again, was a pretty normal day. Mark spent most of it at work. He just woke up from his post-work nap, ate some ice cream, and groaned to see that ice dancing was the highlight of the olympic night. But, for me, today was totally exciting!

How cute is this blog?!? I feel like I was treated to a day at the spa. My good 10th Ward, high school pal Kassie totally hooked me up. I have faithfully blog stalked her for years. Her blog is always amazingly cute and she gets to live in a nice warm place. I am jealous of her in many ways:) I am glad that she counts me as one of her friends. She does great digital scrapbooking and blog designs. She is very talented and has extended her work to all sorts of things, invites, cards, the works! As you can see, she is incredible. I was so excited that we were able to hook up. My blog was a little sad before, which was fine with the ten people that knew about it and read it. I have noticed a few more people have been stopping by, and I was starting to get a little embarassed. I am still figuring out this computer thing, and I was impressed I was able to blog at all. Kassie takes blogging to a whole new level. It felt like Christmas, I couldn't wait to see what she came up with. I gave her a photo, some color options, and away she went! I didn't have to do a thing. Finally, the wait was over and I couldn't have imagined a better result. Thanks Kassie! It is amazing and seriously made my day! Mark also gives his stamp of approval:) If you want a cute header, background, ANYTHING check out Kassie's blog:  http://designsbykassie.blogspot.com/

We have appointments Wednesday and Thursday this week. Wednesday is just a visit to talk about the treatment plan and get a few questions answered. They called Mark today and asked if we would come in to talk to Dr Hancock, but that it was nothing to be alarmed about. I am sure that is true--but I still feel slightly alarmed haha. Thursday is really the big day, but I am sure it too will be fine. We are excited to get the royal treatment from the nurses at the office. We have heard nothing but good things about them. Once again, thank you to everyone who continues to read and send comments our way. We look forward to them and read them together everyday. We continue to gain strength from all of you. God bless you all!

Rekindling Hope

Sorry it's been a few days, but there really wasn't much to say. Mark has felt better than he has in weeks. I have been trying to figure out if Mark is a kid, an elderly person, or a pregnant woman. I am beginning to think he might pregnant. It is great someone at our house can relate to that situation. If any of you have been pregnant, or have taken care of a pregnant woman, then you know what it has been like living with Mark the last few days. He is tired, has morning sickness, has strange cravings, and a serious case of the munchies. He woke up in the middle of the night craving Eggo waffles; he hasn't had some of those since he was a kid.

Saturday, Mark woke up and had a strong desire to play with a puppy. Strange I know, but since I love puppies, I was an easy sale. He decided he wanted a puppy and he wanted to name it Chemo. Since we already have a dog, I told him we couldn't have two, but someday when I get a new horse I promised him I would name it Chemo. Mark thought it was perfect, since some days we would love and appreciate it, and other days we would feel like beating it with a stick. We went to Sportsman's Warehouse and as luck would have it, the parking lot was seething with adorable puppies. After getting our fix, Mark ate all the chips and salsa Garcia's felt like bringing out. It was a fun day out. Since he has treatment this coming Thursday, we felt we better make this weekend a good one, next one might not be as fun.

Tonight, I have decided to repost our adoption ticker. The Thursday Mark was diagnosed, I took it off and kissed that dream goodbye. I felt that was one thing we would never be able to do. It was so hard since we are so close to getting our home study done. The doctor told us we still needed to go on with life as planned, but I could not see how that would work. I was so upset and emailed our caseworker the next day to tell him our plans had changed. Our caseworker said the same thing, and told us that with a note from the oncologist we could move ahead. I decided to put it out of my mind; it was too depressing. During church, I couldn't help but think I was making a mistake.  After all, we had already paid our fees, and the study is good for a year. Who knows where we might be in a few months?  Once you have a study done, it is much cheaper to update it as needed rather than starting all over. I figure we might as well finish it and see what else the Lord might have in store for us.

I submitted our profile and paperwork online tonight. It was already done, just waiting for me to click send. I was scared to do it. Mark and I went from being great candidates to "damaged" goods pretty quickly. Initially, we figured nobody would want to place a child with us anymore. After deciding today to go ahead with it, a new thought came to mind. Perhaps some might be wary, but rather than being "damaged," Mark and I feel like this will only make us stronger in the end. With the right attitudes, we will be better off because of this trial. I suppose, if we let it, it could tear us down, make us bitter, and angry. Hopefully we make the right choices and come out on top. So far so good. That ticker might be on longer, it might count higher, but someday, we still hope it happens.

One Week Later

It is strange to think that one week ago today I was an emotional wreck. Today I am feeling too blessed to be as angry as I was that night. After the initial shock, Mark and I have felt so positive and so grateful. The young women in our ward are working on reading the Book of Mormon all the way through so that they can earn a trip to the General Young Women's meeting in March. I just got put in, so I have a long ways to go, so I only just got through Mosiah a week or two ago.  I love Mosiah 24, and I couldn't have read it at a better time.  It is about Alma and his people who are suffering through bondage at the hands of Amulon. The Lord promised that he would ease their burdens so that they might later stand as witnesses that the Lord does visit his people in their afflictions.

In verse 15 it reads, "yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheefully and with patience to all the will of the Lord." I am not there yet, but I do feel like the Lord has blessed Mark and I with peace of mind and strength. I don't know how patient I am, and I am not grateful for this trial completely yet, nor am I always cheerful about it,  but I do feel blessed. I do feel like I can testify that yes, the Lord does visit us in our afflictions!

Tonight was a night where we totally did feel cheerful. One of the great blessings of this trial are the relationships Mark and I have been able to start, develop, and the ability to strengthen existing ones. We love people! This world is full of amazing people. We had such a great time at dinner with a sweet family and a very strong little boy. Mark and Jace seem to be kindred spirits and share many things in common, one being their love for baseball. Mark and his family are avid Boston fans, so we decided we wanted to give something to Jace to help forge a link and a friendship, start a new relationship. When Jace walked in and saw Mark in his Red Sox coat, he told us it was his favorite team too. I think Mark was relieved he didn't say Yankees! I hope they don't mind me posting these, I forgot to ask, but they are just too darn cute and I can't help myself. Have you ever seen such handsome boys? They almost look like an advertisement for the majors. I told Jace he was ready to hit spring training!

"Normal"

All in all, today felt pretty normal. Mark felt good and even put a few hours in at work. Oddly enough, that was harder on me than him. For the first time in a week, I was alone. I sat on the couch and thought, "Hmm, now what. Maybe I can watch a show that Mark hates." I couldn't relax, I was worried Mark would get to work and not feel well. Since I had purged the house on Monday, I didn't have much to do to keep my mind and hands busy (with that being said, I am not looking for something to do, especially if it is something bad, so know that it was ok to be bored for a minute, don't assign me anything:)). My mind slowly drifted down the path of feeling sorry for myself, so I livened the mood with various songs, including the theme from Schindler's List. Sitting in my melancholy mood, feeling slightly alone, and a little guilty that the person with cancer was being more productive, I thought of something my wise little brother wrote to me on Tuesday. He told me that his favorite part of the Gospel is the knowledge we never have to face anything alone, not ever. Even when we think we are, we are not. The Savior was the only person that ever had to face a trial truly alone, and he did it so we would never have to know how it felt. Pretty insightful for a kid I like to call Chubbs. I guess he has grown up on the mission even more than I thought. I hate admiting this considering we have been blessed by a tremendous outpouring, but once in a while, when things get quiet, fear has a way of creeping in. It doesn't last long.

On a happier note, I learned something today. First and foremost, another embarassing confession. My family will laugh because they already know this, but despite my "tomboy" exterior, I am a total drama queen. I guess it is one feminine quality that I have always embraced and will probably continue to do so. I have always loved a good romance, a chick flick, a great story. Since Valentine's was a wash, I am now reflecting on love on Ash Wednesday. Bet most of you didn't know it was Ash Wednesday. My grandpa told me it was, so it must be true. Anyway, back to the good part, the drama-- I always wanted a really exciting love life, movie worthy. If you know Mark, he is no Casanova, (sorry babe) but he has plenty of other endearing qualities. When we were trying to decide whether or not to get married, I struggled. I am not a decisive person and I hate to admit this, but I was slightly disappointed that nothing incredibly romantic happened. No songs, no dances, no fireworks, just a good guy. I was so afraid of the eternal commitment and my dad really helped me to realize what love is all about. He told me a million times that I needed to be more selfless. I needed to serve Mark. If I was feeling rotten, I needed to make sure I did some sort of service for Mark, even if it was small. Even after I was married, if I struggled with a marital problem, this was the answer I got. It wasn't always the answer I wanted to hear. This was not as fun as picturing Mark chasing after my car after I stormed out in a huff.

The longer we are married, the more I understand the work and effort it takes to build an eternal marriage. It doesn't just happen. Love's magic comes more often through choice than actual "magic." A lot like happiness. I have listened to my dad's advice and tried to put it to good use. It has come apparent to me in the last few days how much I love Mark. A lot of it has to do with the fact we care more about the well being of each other and are mindful of each other. We aren't the most lovey dovey people, especially in public, but we rarely fight and we always say that we love each other before we part or got to bed. Today, I was packing a lunch for Mark, it made me feel like my mom. She packs a lunch everyday for my dad, isn't that romantic? Anyway, I was making Mark a sandwich to take to work. He was getting some stuff together and he said, "I know you love me." I thought he said, "I love you" so I said "Love you too." He corrected me and said, "No, that isn't what I said. I said I know you love me." He took his lunch and left. I thought about that all day, and I realized that meant more to me then anything else he could have said or done. It was an interesting thing for him to say. I am grateful that Mark knows that I love him. I am grateful he knows that I will happily disinfect the house, remind him to double flush the toilet and sanitize his hands, and that I will happily take care of his throw-up bucket. I don't mind it at all because I love him, and he would do the same for me. Now, if that isn't romantic I don't know what is!

A Good Day

Today was exciting, yes exciting. Mark and I went on two field trips. The first was to get his shot to help boost his immunity system. Dr Hancock told us Mark could stop taking the antibiotic that was causing vomiting. It was great news! Mark celebrated by eating two plain cheeseburgers from Artic Circle. They had to be from Artic Circle, that is what sounded the best. Mark's next chemo will be Thursday February 25th. The office is very thoughtful and they figured if we went in on Thursdays, Mark would feel good enough to go to work on Mondays. We ran a few errands, went to his orthopaedic appointment, and then Mark decided he had had enough and slept for a few hours. He thanked me for taking him on errands, ha, that was a first! It felt good to get out of the house. The only real symptom today besides fatigue was a rotten taste in his mouth. We searched our "cancer" bag and the Blo Pops did the trick. Thanks Ironman!

After eating dinner, (yes dinner!!) Mark felt good enough to go to the ward talent show. When you are stoked, totally stoked, about going to the ward talent show, you know life's enjoyments have been re-evaluated. Since the place would be seething with kids, Mark had to go with a mask and some hand sanitizer. I was hoping that Mark would pull out a sweet talent, like the moonwalk or something since he totally looked the Michael Jackson part. He disappointed and didn't dance at all; he sat hidden in the back and just scared a few little ones who didn't recognize him.  The bishopric, high priests, and elders quorum finished the night with a bang performing a stirring rendition of "Pants on the Ground" Thanks guys, it felt so good to laugh and smile:) and now you get a special place on our blog. At least no one can recognize ya!

Our President's Day

Oh the holidays in our lives. This one never meant that much to me. I always looked at it as one of those sweet Mondays off. Nothing like a 4 day weekend! Today was no exception. Mark and I had a pretty amazing day off.

Mark's President's Day

Haha. I am sure there will come a day when I tire of taking pictures of Mark passed out. Today is not that day. You all might wonder why I keep posting sleeping pictures. I, however, think this picture says a thousand words. This kid is tired. Really tired, can you tell? He hasn't had much of an appetite. I did have a fleeting thought that I should shove something nutritious down that open mouth, but I fought the urge. That nice ensemble to the right is his throwup bucket and towel. Fortunately, he did not have to use it once today. When you sleep all day, you don't have the oppurtunity to feel all the awful side affects. We got a VERY helpful tip on how to best take the Prednisone and it worked like a charm. Slid right down! I cheated and did not give him his antibiotic. I think the antibiotic makes him throw up, the chemo just makes him nauseated. I told him if he would eat, I wouldn't make him take his antibiotic and we would just lie and say we did.....

Jenny's President's Day:

I had a slight freak out, OCD moment today when I realized my house was probably a disgusting place and Mark's immune system shouldn't have to be on high alert at home. I cried and panicked, but calmed down and spent the entire day scrubbing, disinfecting, and doing laundry. I still worry that my lack of absolute cleaning knowledge has left a little to be desired, but it did help resolve the panic attack and divert my attention to something else. I have always loved Clorox wipes, today I might write the Clorox Company a little note of appreciation. I love them even more.

Thanks to all who stopped by today. It was nice to have company and some sort of fun. We had an amazing dinner and Mark even was able to eat a little bit. He is still super sensitive to smells and not having to make something in the kitchen that will stink up the whole house was an absolute blessing. The Snow Fairy visited my house today, I don't when. I didn't hear anybody and I have been home all day. Mark had a craving for raspberry dressing on his salad and mine expired about 2 years ago. I drove to the store and when I came home I noticed that the front walkway looked a little less treacherous. Thank you Snow Fairy! Now visitors can come to the front door instead of through the laundry room. It's more inviting that way I am sure. I am beginning to think of all the special mystical people, Santa, the tooth fairy, the Easter bunny, etc, the Snow Fairy is becoming a fast favorite! Once again, thank you all for the comments, thoughts, prayers and concerns. We love you all!

Home at last

This post won't be as long, I am running out of insightful remarks. Right now Mark and I are witnessing reality setting in right before our eyes. I will start with the good news.

The good news is we came home today. He had a good morning and kept his oxygen levels above 90. We even took a cruise around the hospital without shortness of breath. Dr Hancock came to discharge and went over Mark's abdomen CT scan. It looks good overall. There is a lesion in Mark's kidney, but having a kidney cyst of even a small stone he will never feel is very possible. He believed it was probably benign, but we will see in a few weeks if it has changed when we do the PET scan. If it has, it is likely a lymphoma. Either way it doesn't matter, the chemo treatment is the same no matter where the cancer is. There also was a spot on his hip bone, EXACTLY where the Dr Hancock did the bone marrow biopsy so it is pretty much from the biopsy and not a lesion. We will not get the bone marrow tests sometime next week, but there is a very slim chance, one in a million, that will come pack positive. He also had a lump on his scalp that went away after chemo which makes us believe it was also a lymphoma. Once again, it won't change anything, just help stage Mark.

Since his nausea last night, Mark has not eaten one thing. Not even water. He did take some prednisone which he coughed up. When we got home, Mark crashed on the couch and slept for 4 hrs. When he woke up, he actually felt like eating a bit. Applesauce sounded good and Gatorade to drink. We were so excited that something sounded good. He couldn't even watch food commercials so this felt like a big break through. He ate it and felt pretty good. He then took his antibiotic. Poor kid, we are going to have to try something else and a different routine tomorrow. Hopefully applesauce sounds good again someday. We forget he is sick and then, like I said, reality comes back and he can't even keep down a few spoons of applesauce.

Some of you have asked about Mark's cancer. He are a few resources we were directed to. http://www.lls.org/ and http://www.lymphoma.org/. You kind of have to poke around. Start with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma, then find diffuse large b-cell lymphoma. I tried to do a direct shortcut to the pdf article on lymphoma. org but it is massive. So, if you Google diffuse large b-cell lymphoma and look at the first link after the sponsored links, it is the very first one. It says PDF right next to it. It is a very brief, small summary but paints a good picture.

Thanks again for all your prayers and support. Mark appreciates the phone calls and visits, even if he doesn't feel well enough to talk.