Wild America

Because I am bit lazy, and too cheap to buy a new camera, all photos come from my phone. Which means they are never any good. Anyhow, since you can't tell from the picture, these are some moose that decided to hang out in our backyard for a couple of weeks. One had a busted up leg that honestly, hurt to watch. On this particular evening, I saw these guys, two Canadian geese, two sand hill cranes, a bald eagle and a falcon fighting for the same meal, a golden retriever, and a cat hunting mice. Oh, and a blonde, crazy three year old. Seriously, it was bordering a PBS nature show out there.  All in all, I felt it was  pretty good representation of what my life has been like lately. WILD. Even the wind has been wild. Why? Why must it blow every. single. day. Why must it be freezing cold all the time? I am turning into a wild, caged animal. And so is my baby. I've listened to her talk to herself most of the day today and I fear we are both on the brink of insanity.

 

Things have greened up nicely since this picture was taken, but it isn't any warmer. Paige had a wild streak for a few weeks where she was pretty much unhappy no matter what you tried to do. If you look at her face in this picture, you will see she is crying. Crying because despite the fact she is loving riding Tucker, it was all for naught without her pink cowgirl hat. The wind was blowing and it wouldn't stay on her head, and I guess Tucker doesn't like pink. Fearing a flying pink cowgirl hat wouldn't go over well, I told Paige she couldn't wear it while riding. Thus, Mom ruined the ride.

She forgave me and spent the rest of the evening picking these "flowers" for me. I get lots of flowers these days. It kind of melts me. Now every pocket in every jacket I own is full of flowers.

 

I made Mark take Paige to the Easter hunt. I had this irrational fear she would go and get stampeded by older kids fighting for eggs and wouldn't be scrappy enough to get any. I couldn't handle the idea of watching her crest fallen face as her basket remained empty. Since they broke the hunt into age groups and put a limit on eggs per kid, my fears were unfounded and I ended up missing Paige enjoy her very first hunt. Oh well. Mark took good pictures and Paige told me all about it. She was really excited about Easter this year and the Easter Bunny. It is one of my favorite things about her getting older. It is fun to see her get excited about things, participate, and understand things more and more.

 

 

We fed the missionaries later that night and Paige was in one of her ornery moods. They gave this great scripture puppet show and still couldn't get her to crack a smile.

 

Paige is also in this phase where she won't just do a normal smile for me. I thought the Bunny was creative this year bringing more activity minded surprises and less candy. Paige wasn't as excited and sulked about any new thing we tried to get her to enjoy.

 

 

One such gift was a kite, and I was quite excited to fly a kite with Paige. I loved kite flying as a kid. I feel like this is something my dad and I did a lot together. I also got many a rainbow unicorn kite stuck in trees and power lines. I always felt tremendous guilt over this. Someone should have informed me inanimate objects don't have feelings. Since we have the perfect kite flying backyard, I felt like Paige wouldn't have these worries and we could blissfully enjoy some wind. Mark was a first time kite flier...seriously. Anyway, after getting it up in the air for them, Mark and Roxy were the only ones excited about the event. Paige wasn't impressed. She has yet to be impressed. She does request I fly it now and then. I find it strangely relaxing. I guess Happy Easter to me! 

 

Paige just loves Hagen. I just had to throw this picture in for cuteness.

 

 

My little brother graduated from BYU, and I represented our entire family for him. Poor guy. Can't believe he is headed to Notre Dame soon. Paige and I went down and stayed with her birth family. We had such a fun girls weekend. Paige's birth grandma, Melissa, watched her for me while I went to graduation. Such a blessing not to have to take her to the ceremony. Melissa then became my fashion consultant and took me shopping. I seriously needed this. I have no idea how to dress like an adult woman. Somehow, she convinced me to buy pink, skinny, cropped pants. Seriously not sure what she drugged me with. They did in fact come home with me and I have actually worn them. I feel stupid in them, but I wear them.

 

I taught myself to French braid, and I have to tell ya, sometimes I do pretty good. I had to document her cute hair.

 

Paige likes to "rope" with Mark, but always complained about not having a tiny rope. We got her this goat tying string in hopes it would satisfy her. She seems happier, and she makes one cute cowgirl, but it still doesn't do what she wants it to. I am not sure what she has conjured up in her mind.

 

On a cold, windy day, we passed these flowers on the way into the store. I was surprised they were alive, but they also reminded me of my mom. Mom always planted red geraniums in her flower beds and made sure she snatched her favorite color early. Paige insisted we stop and smell them. She is pretty good at reminding me to enjoy the little things in life.

 

We have the greatest friends who make sure to include us in their family gatherings. I feel so intrusive, but am so glad they let us come. We always have such a great time. Paige makes herself right at home. She crawls on "Grandma Patti's" lap, inserts herself into cousin pictures, and overall just blends herself right in.

 

Miss Paige has been a pretty good mommy lately. I love hearing her talk to her baby. Take her to the store, make her oatmeal, feed her milk, and put her down for naps. I love when Paige talks to herself and to her toys. I just overheard her say "excuse me miss." Cracks me up to hear what she comes up with in that imagination of hers.

 

 

I have often alluded that we have been going through some interesting challenges lately, and I feel like Paige's baby maybe a good transition. In February we contacted through a lawyer, who we actually really like, with an expectant mom who was due May 5th. Initially we were really excited about this baby boy and felt like it was something we should do. We contracted and committed ourselves to the situation. As time went on, things got a bit rough and it became obvious that it was not the situation for us. Ultimately the match fell through, and it was really difficult, but we also knew it was for the best. It is really hard knowing that there is a possibility for a baby and to realize and recognize it isn't meant to be. I think the hardest part is figuring out what the plan is, what is the plan for our family and am I doing my part? I feel like I am super on board with being obedient to His will, I just often times wish I knew how to recognize better what that might be. I learned the hard way that I can't let my desires, wishes, and impatience dictate what happens. I am not in charge, and I am sure it is better that way. So onto work gaining more faith, trust, and keeping a positive attitude and hope that things will work out the way that they are supposed to, in His time. Ahh. Easier said than done. I cope by trying to give myself diabetes by eating far too much junk food.

 

In the meantime, I am working on following President Uchtdorf's council given in Conference. I loved his talk about having an attitude of gratitude, gratitude IN things not FOR things. Learning to be grateful even in times of sorrow, or when things don't go our way. I know that if I could follow this advice that life would be so much more joyous and filled with less worry and anxiety. On that note, Paige really is quite the little character and gives me so many reasons to be happy. Mother's Day used to be so dreaded, and it brings a wide range of emotions even now, but I couldn't help but feel gratitude that I have one special little girl who brings me lots of joy, an incredible birth family that has given me this opportunity, an amazing mom, grandma, and other people I view as mothers in my life. Paige can make me tired, test my patience, and melt my heart all at the same time. She is my life, and being her mother has taught me so much.

 

Here are a few funny things she has said lately:

 

I was playing the piano and she walked in behind me. She stood there for a second and then said, "That song is amazing Mom!"

 

I was doing her hair and told her it was ridiculously messy. She turned around and said, "Ya, it IS ridiculous!"

 

When asked to participate in Primary and dance, she replied, "No thank you, I don't dance."

 

After having a bit of diarrhea, I came in to wipe her and said told her it was kind of a mess, she may have diarrhea. She said, "Hmmm, diarrhea, RIGHT!"

 

I asked her today if she knew how much I loved her. She told me "Ya, I know you did when I was just a little kid." She has told me about "when she was just a kid" a few times today.

 

She sang with all the Primary kids in sacrament meeting yesterday for the first time. Mark and I feared she would not get up there. When we told her it was time, she marched right on up, leading the way, and then was very disappointed she didn't get to use the microphone. From there, attention waned, but she did end up singing and got most of the words right.

 

I showed her a picture of President Monson and asked who it was. "It's Jesus"

"Nope, try again"

"Boppa" (grandpa)

"Nope, try again"

(a little exasperated) "It's a guy"

 

Hmm......yep you're right, it is a guy!

 

She will ask for something and I will tell her no. She then replies that she wants and needs it. I remind her I said no. She then tells me, "Well, I say yes" Little miss attitude.

 

She is continues to be the pickiest eater and is now surviving on peanut butter and bread, with raspberry jam. No other flavor satisfies her. And she is brand specific. She will also eat cheese rolls from Taco Bell. We keep them in business. She will force herself to throw up if I make her try anything else or anything new. Lovely.

 

She is constantly asking me if I think something is "tool" (cool) "Is this tool Mom?"

 

Out of the blue last week, she asked me if I got the blue little ball back. I had no idea what she was referring to me. She then explained, "Did you get the blue ball back from the doctor? I need it." Yes, she is referring to the craft ball she stuck up her nose, that was indeed blue, that was extracted by the doctor. No Paige. I let him throw that way.

 

And my favorite. I often hear: "I love you so much, Mom"