Here Comes the Sun

I think my vacation mourning has officially ended. I am sure it has something to do with beautiful weather we have had lately, and I feel like we have been so busy, Mexico seems like another lifetime ago! Honestly, the days are flying by, and I usually have no idea what the actual date is. Then I have to write a check or something and each time I check the calendar, I gasp in amazement. Life truly has been a blur. I love it. I love having things to do, places to go, and people to see.

I have spent a lot of time lately working on adoption stuff, getting our profile up to date, calling agencies, looking for agencies. The works. It is insane how much time that takes. I like to feel like I am being proactive though. It scares me to death, and I fear putting ourselves out there. It is such an emotional roller coaster, and right now I am just in line...I am not even on the ride yet! I went to lunch today with a friend who has been trying to adopt for a year. She is honestly an inspiration to me, because she has had one rough road to get to where she is. She is one strong cookie and went through a lot of heartache, and that was before she even boarded the adoption train. I feel for her. We were beyond lucky and our first adoption was seamless. It set an unrealistic expectation almost. Sitting down with someone and hearing their story made me realize just how blessed we are. It also made me sad, there are a lot of good people out there who suffer with infertility---life just isn't fair, and I suppose it isn't supposed to be. This time of the year magnifies all these feelings. Mother's Day for the infertile is like Valentine's Day for single people, but ten times the hurt. Even though the days of empty arms are over, I can't forget all those feelings I used to associate with the day. I still have a hard time celebrating it or feeling like I have a place in it. The entire week my heart resides heavily with Paige's birthmom and the tremendous amount of debt I owe her. It is a happy, grateful feeling, but also overwhelming. I feel like I can never adequately express to her, or anyone for that matter, how immensely grateful I am. There are NO words. I also want to just hug all those I know who are still very lonely and sad on Mother's Day. I hurt for them and I think it makes it hard for me to be overly joyful. It is all just a lot for me, and I am grateful that it came and I could count my blessings and move on.

The best part of Mother's Day this year was the weather. The warmth and sunshine was fabulous. I swear warm sunshine cures all. Everything seems happier, easier, and more enjoyable. Even house cleaning is better in the summer. My attitude is infinitely improved. I even love the smell of summer. There are moments I sit outside and can't soak it all in fast enough. I must suffer from some disorder, because even though I can enjoy the moment, the next second I hyperventilate knowing it won't last long and I feel a sense of urgency to hang on hard! Seriously sad, like a PTSD --winter variety. It's a serious problem and lurks behind every joyful summer moment. There can never be enough nice days! These pictures are from our little nature excursion on Mother's Day. It is within walking distance from our house, and it feels like heaven. It seems like the leaves and greenery appeared overnight. How does it do that?! Like I said, I couldn't take it all in fast enough!

If only these pictures were scratch and sniff........

Paige loves being outside. We are constantly on the go. We love the park, we love playing in our yard of rocks, we love going on little nature walks. Paige loves when Mark takes her "farming". They have been irrigating lately and Paige loves being along for the ride. Mark and I were loading a trailer full of sprinkler pipe and Paige took all the ends and gathered them in a pile. They look kind of like her pitchers in her tea set, and she was "watering"  the hay with them, sound effects and all. She loves being a part of what we are doing, no matter what it is. We have been riding multiple times a week and it's been great. Paige now thinks she needs to hold the reins which makes the horse ride much more interesting.

 

Paige can and will swing for hours. I bundled her all up thinking it might be cool out, and I am pretty sure we were both overheating after awhile. It was great, love overheating!

This is my current favorite picture of Paige. She has cookie all over her face and she just radiates joy. I noticed the other day that she has a perfect little grey line down the middle of her front tooth. I am pretty up close and personal with her teeth, and it seriously showed up outta no where. I thought at first it was dirt since she still puts ridiculous things in her  mouth, but it won't come off. It looks like I drew on her tooth with a very fine point pencil. How weird is that? It is freaking me out, I don't want these pearly whites to die on me! This smile is priceless. She needs her baby teeth for a few more years. Any ideas out there? I am about ready to pack her up for the long haul to see her dentist uncle. It doesn't feel like a crack, but maybe? She is the queen of treats (no idea where that comes from.....) but would a cavity look like that? The front of her front tooth seems like a strange location. That spot gets the best brushing!

 

This makes me laugh because for whatever reason, laundry baskets are universally the best kid toy. I remember all sorts of uses for my mom's laundry baskets. Forts, cars, cradles, desks....limitless really. Paige has a slight obsession and I often find my clean laundry in awesome places like the garbage so that the basket is empty and ready for her use.

Totally not the best shot, but I live with a bunch of crazies. On one of our spectacular warm days without wind, I went out to water the horses and spoil them with unconditional love. Apparently the dog and the cat were pretty jealous and before I knew it, I had two extra heads competing for my attention. Roxy thinks she is a 60 lb lap dog. She likes to roll in poop and then lean up next to me. It's awesome.The cat is...well....a cat. Sorry Boots, but my love for cats is slightly conditional. Boots, however, won't take no for an answer and she is slightly aggressive about getting what she wants. The only one who didn't want me nearby was Paige. She was too busy putting rocks in the dog's water bowel and somehow my presence affects that negatively. "No Mom, Go away." Today when I dropped her off at my mom's so I could have my little lunch date, Paige dropped her head into her hands and sobbed. It was the first time I have seen her upset when I leave. She was pretty sad and told my dad, "Mom just drove away, I sad." Made me feel at least a little loved!