Catching Up

Wow it has been a while. So long that Blogger changed everything and I am trying to figure out posting all over again. I don't even know where to begin. I feel like things have been so crazy busy doing nothing! The first question I am asked wherever I go is how the house is, so I suppose we will start there.

Here it was just a few short weeks ago. I think Mark has a picture of just the foundation, but just imagine these pictures without the floor and you get the idea. Paige was pretty impressed with this portion of the project and scared Mark and I to death as she ran around the sub floor carelessly. I was still pretty panicked at this point wondering how all our rooms would actually fit.

Looking from the garage into the house

My cool square windows, two in each bedroom and one in the bathroom.

Back of the house, master bedroom and garage is to left, unpictured

Living room to kitchen

Front Entry

From garage out to front

These pictures aren't that great, mostly they just show that yes, progress has been made! It has since sit at this juncture for a week which has been killing me, but hopefully trusses go up the first part of the week. I wanted to get a picture from the front, but the windows and door aren't cut out yet so it looks like a wall of wood---not terrible exciting. I promise a good front shot once the roof is on. It is fun to finally picture room sizes and how it all fits. Overall I am pleased with how it all lays out. I wish my living/kitchen open area was a few feet wider but I am sure it will all be fine in the end. I am anxious for some more progress. I have had it with the rental and my spider/dust breeding business. Seriously I have no idea how my house produces both of these things spontaneously. I don't know if my sanity can take another winter Laura Ingall's style.

We are loving summer and are sad to see it go. I love getting out and doing things. Paige and I have a routine going and it is fabulous. We especially love when others join the party. Paige has changed so much this summer. She has gone from saying a few words here and there to new things every single day. She makes me laugh. She can be so stubborn, yet has times where she is so sweet and mellow. She is shy at times, and doesn't talk much in public, but at home babbles all day long. She is still the pickiest eater alive, but likes "nannas" and "rice" and will ask for both. Some of her new regulars: more, please, up, down, bus, hi, bye-bye, yes, thank you, no, mine, cheese, car, baby, duck, juice (which is all liquids), eyes, ears, head, nose, teeth, lots of animal sounds, ball and just about anything else if she wants to. She told Grandpa one day "holy smokes", when I handed her the phone and told her it was Dad, she said, "Hi Dad" and handed it back to me. I pulled into my parents driveway and she pointed to the cars in the garage and said "Grandpa's car." All day long, she says "Mom" very emphatically and then continues to babble something very important complete with facial expressions and hand motions. It cracks me up each time. She loves books, but only certain favorites and she knows her favorite parts and will read them over and over to herself. She loves  "Olivia" "Brown Bear what do you see" "Monkeys Jumpin on the Bed" "Grover's Book of Baby Animals" and "Where's my Teddy". These never seem to get old.

Paige hates to have her hands dirty and constantly wipes them across her chest. She also hands me boogers all the time. I am glad I guess she likes things clean. She loves the vacuum and claps for me when I finish. She dusts and wipes things off when she gets the chance as well. I am shocked at how big she is and grown up. My baby is growing up! I am grateful she is so sweet and she is such a wonderful blessing in our lives.

This is a tire swing we found on a 4 hour, four wheeler ride. Paige loved the swing and the ride, she cried when it all ended---25 miles later.

Paige is a little nervous around water at first, but given a chance to warm up and she loves it! Grandma knew just how to get her out of her shell. Paige loves the swimming pool and will go down the slide over and over, she wants to do it all by herself of course. Grandma bought a little backyard pool which has turned out to be a fabulous 10 dollar investment. We will be sad when fall and winter roll back in. Sad and bored!

Paige has learned to climb up on everything herself and this is her ultimate favorite. She loves to climb in her rocker and grins in achievement when I catch her. On this occasion, she was being so quiet and when I peered in she was reading "Olivia" to herself complete with the mom in the book saying, "No, no no" when Olivia writes on the wall. We made that dialogue up, but it is her favorite part of the book.

She hates actual toys, but loves household objects she can make into toys. These are Scentsy containers used as blocks. Paige likes that she can open and close the side table drawer these are stored in and is currently obsessed.

This summer has been the summer of Baby Bear. She has become quite attached and he has come in handy when I need her to eat, ride in the car, or get her diaper changed as Baby Bear is an active participant in all these activities. Someday I will have to wash all the food he has "eaten" off his face.

We have had fun this summer, but we have also had our share of sickness. Paige had a spell where she threw up at least once a week for over a month. I don't know if it was teeth or what. She has been cutting canines top and bottom all summer. We had a few fevers and on 90 degree plus days with no AC contributed to one unhappy girl. Once we turned that corner, we had a week of diarrhea which was probably my favorite as I was constantly doing laundry and trying to keep a raw bum happy. It was an awful week at our house. Mark caught a bug which once again developed into pneumonia  and after a few weeks, he is just starting to kick it.

Paige still loves the carousel, but loves riding it with Grandpa the best--probably because she just loves Grandpa the best.

I was lucky enough to spend a few days in NYC with my little brother and I had an absolute blast. It was the first time I left Paige for any extended amount of time, and it was hard to go, but I am glad I did. It was like a rejuvenation for me and such a blessing. I loved spending time with Jay and we had a marvelous few days. He was a great host and took really good care of me and showed me all the sites you could possibly want to see. I learned that I could indeed be a city gal, but only if I was rich and could live in the area I want with the ability to shop and eat out all the time. I really wish I had an unlimited shopping budget to buy myself a new wardrobe. A grown up, classy wardrobe that looks like an adult woman would actually wear. With that being said, the only thing I bought was a sweet pair of Nikes. I can always change my fashion ideals later. We were lucky vicariously and scored Newsies tickets on Broadway. It was amazing! I loved the movie when I was a kid, but the play was much more impressive--minus the fact Christian Bale wasn't in it. One of my favorite things was walking the Brooklyn Bridge at dusk, and that was after 3 days of constant walking. It was just that good! I am grateful Mark, his parents, and my parents helped with Paige and made it all happen. Definitely a once in a lifetime experience.

A Preview

Summer is here, and I am in love. It is by far the best time of the year! I was looking thru my phone for current pictures to send in for my 10 year high school reunion, and noticed this beauty from Mark's phone, taken earlier this evening:

LOVE. She refused to let go of the balloon the rest of the night.

So cute, doesn't like the splash park much though.

Does really like the carousel

And the big finale.........my hole!!! We have officially started the building process.

More detailed post to come later.......

May and More

I can't believe it is May already, and almost over at that! Unfortunately, I find life very similar to how we left it last time. Fortunately, it has been nicer on occasion and we have been able to get outside and do things. I can't tell you how much happier we all are when we are out and about. Paige says it best when she screams and claws her way out of my arms when I try to bring her back inside. Quite frankly, I don't blame her. I would rather be outside than inside right now too! My attitude and outlook is so much happier when the weather is good and we are accomplishing things. In the past few weeks we have gone from on the brink of starting our home, to scrapping plans and starting over. Hopefully, it won't set us clear back to the beginning, and maybe, just maybe, by June we shall see movement. I do know that the current track feels the most right, and hopefully right means smooth. Mark has been busy playing farm. He won't appreciate that reference, and I know someday I will be grateful for his efforts, but he seems to get busier and busier, and once in awhile I wish I could get him to hold still and enjoy the moment, or get that excited about some other things I like to rank higher on the list. Yesterday, Mark took my usual helper and she had a great time. Paige definitely loves her dad the most.  I was waiting for him to call with a disaster on his hands. He forgot treats, sunscreen, diapers, the works. I was sure she would be ornery and tired and a handful as he drug her all over the place for hours. I was sure wrong. I must bring out the best in her. On Paige's ranking list, I pretty much land behind Grandma, Grandpa, and Dad. I would be even further down, but she doesn't get out too much. If there are kids involved, she prefers them over me as well. Or cats, she likes them better too. Oh, and balls, she likes to throw, bounce, kick, hold, and roll them more than she wants to be with me.

As far as my own sanity, I have gotten out to run a bit which I hate, but it does help me feel better about myself for some reason. I have had a few anxiety freak out moments this month over some silly, yet not entirely silly things. I can just blow anything out of proportion and fret about it for days. This month was no exception as I have become convinced I will die of skin cancer. It might possibly happen, but at least I have felt peace knowing there isn't too much I can do about that now. Too much time alone with my thoughts is basically a recipe for disaster and I am still trying to figure out how to love myself. I heard a quote twice recently from our stake president, I figure if I heard it twice in one day it must be important. It went something on the lines of "it is easier to teach a boy or girl then it is to fix a broken man or a broken woman" How true! I think of habits and feelings I developed as a youth that I am still dealing with. I think of how easy it is as a teenager to think our decisions and choices don't matter, but I am making similar decisions and choices today that I started back then. I am a wife and mother now, my trivial problems are no longer a main priority--Mark and Paige should be my priority. I don't want Paige to pick up my insecurities. I want her to learn from the beginning how to love herself, be happy with who she is, and strive hard each day to be a good human being. If I can teach her that in the beginning, hopefully she will avoid feeling "broken" someday. Instead, she will be confident in who she is and spend most of her time looking outward and benefiting those around her. Enough of that, I hope I can just continue to improve myself and learn that life really isn't a race, and comparing myself to others is, and always will be just a bad idea!

Paige is delightful. She makes me smile each and every day. I find her so amusing.  I think she is the funniest, quirkiest, most animated little thing ever, but it is probably just a characteristic of children in general. This is good since she also has quite the attitude and I need her to make me smile for both our sakes some days:) She is saying more words all the time and could probably say just about anything if she cared enough to. I have heard her say a few words once and only once kitty, daddy, grandpa, and amen. These have come out clear as a bell and have since vanished. I do get meow, dada, and sometimes an attempt at grandpa or grandma. A few regulars include more, ball, stuck, baby, and mom. Paige loves music, she claps when she hears the organ, maybe because it cues the end of sacrament meeting. She can effectively do actions to Popcorn Popping and the Itsy Bitsy Spider. Our favorite is when she wags her finger at "it wasn't really so". She has transferred that motion to the dog and I see it once in awhile if she is displeased with her. The other day, Grandma patted the beat of a song on her thighs, Paige thought it was a pretty great dance move and repeats it if she hears a good dancing song. She loves "Bubble Guppies" and watches as she drinks her morning bottle on her pillow pet. It is a pretty strict routine--probably not the greatest one, but "Bubble Guppies" allows me to do her hair, pick up the house, and even treat myself to a shower.

Paige is a serious creature of habit and she will become fascinated by simple items or routines. When we go outside, she points at the dog, then the 4-wheeler. When she wakes up, she says hello to all the babies pictured on our collection of diaper boxes (saving in hopes of actually moving someday). At Grandma's, she likes to get into the cupboards to find her special dishes, and Grandpa's cupboards to find his contact solution. The list could go on, but I will spare you.  Paige loves the 4 wheeler and all things outdoors. She is quite fascinated with the hose and her first job has been to give the dog fresh water. Paige observes and imitates what she sees and thinks she is all grown up. Mostly, Paige is just getting big and leaving the baby days behind her----so bittersweet! And now the moment all 10 (if that) of my blog readers are waiting for, picture overload!

 Easter Sunday....she looked so cute but was not as excited as I hoped about her first "official" basket with actual candy.

Watching Bubble Guppies--notice the

pillow pet behind her. She is completely enthralled and I was able to experiment with her hair which has gotten quite long. I was able to put it all up into pigtails that lasted for maybe an hour.

 Random picture of her hat phase. Mark always has a hat on, and she won't keep one on, but wants to try one out now and then. I just like that she rocks the onsie with pride in this picture.

Classic Paige, complete with Grandpa's contact solution and hat. This sadly, is one of my old hats from the days when I wanted to be a little boy. It is one ugly hat. She sported it for a good hour before she grew tired of it.

First introduction to the hose on the first warm day of the year.

Realizing how cool the hose actually is when it is turned on. She was filling up the dog's water bowl when she spilled on her hand which grabbed her attention for a good while.

We have graduated to a forward facing carseat. I have a love/hate relationship with this change. She does better when she can see outside, but she can also see us and wants constant entertainment. She also can't sleep in it comfortably, they are a huge pain to get in and out, and I have yet to find a harness I don't want to curse when it comes to tightening it.

Before BJ left to New York, we had some wonderful weather and took advantage by feeding the ducks. Paige is a fickle eater and usually won't eat bread. We took stale rolls out to the ducks, but Paige snarfed them down rather than actually feeding the ducks. Go figure.

The girl can't figure out a sippy cup, but loves her some stale water from the spray bottle

Just a random picture. I rarely let her wear her hair down, but it is getting so long and outta control! 

Paige has a SERIOUS obsession with ranch. It may be genetic, but if given the oppurtunity, she will eat straight ranch. All food items only serve as a vehicle for ranch. She will dip any and all things in ranch: chocolate, cereal, fruit, fingers, anything. She will also suck all the ranch off and then fish out of her mouth whatever I was disguising in ranch and give it back to me. Yum.

Paige and Big Sam. Big Sam is a long time family member that some of us love and some of us hate. Paige happens to join those who love.

The 4-wheeler, the one obession that puts all others to shame. Paige adores the 4-wheeler and wonders why we can't drive it everywhere. She freaks when she sees it, hears it, thinks about it, whatever. She would ride on it for hours if she could. If you aren't careful, she will shift up or down when you aren't ready. She can also turn the key. No matter how great the ride, she will flip out when it is over. I told Mark we need to get horses so this obsession can transfer to a much cooler mode of transportation.

Mark had his first kidney stone this month and was pretty sure he was going to die. I think as he was moaning on the bathroom floor, he almost wished the cancer back in exchange. I have never seen him so miserable ever, and I have seen him pretty miserable. It is hard to be 80 and trapped in a 30 year olds body. After it moved to his bladder and he threw up all the morphine, he felt pretty good. We are wondering if he passed it or if he still has that to look forward to. Hopefully I will post more often to avoid long and overdue posts, and with that let's hope some things start moving along so I can have something to post about.

Waiting some more...

I am so uninspired to write lately. I wish I had something awesome to write about, but the last time I felt that way life fell apart and was way more exciting than I ever wished it to be.  So while this post will seem mundane and boring to most, I have made it a personal goal to enjoy the times in my life where nothing seems to be going on...except that time passes and each and every day my little one gets older, which I suppose means I am too!

In the last few months, I have struggled with being happy with who I am. It is so hard to feel good enough, pretty enough, fit enough, mother enough, dependable enough, smart enough, funny enough, and the list could go on and on. So often I feel not only inadequate, but unable to fit in. Everything around me feels so unsettled, and often that takes up residence in my heart and I feel so unsettled with myself. I often feel like fitting in has never been my strong point, and being very isolated recently has only emphasized the point. I look forward to General Conference and the spiritual boost it gives me. It gives me a desire to adjust my attitude and look outside of myself to serve others. I especially loved Elder Holland's talk. He mentioned that the only race we are in is a race against sin, not a race against each other. Elder Holland has given a few talks where he encourages us to uplift each other and not compare each other.  A few years ago he gave a talk about the Prodigal Son, but with a twist, emphasizing the righteous son and his feelings of envy. His talk yesterday reminded me of that talk and I hope I can take his advice to heart, working hard to better myself rather than looking at others with envy. I think these feelings of insecurity and inadequacy scare me more now than ever, because I don't want Paige to pick up on them and feel like her self worth is dependant on silly things I seem to base my self worth on. I have quite the list of things to work on, but with a renewed desire to try it thanks to General Conference, it doesn't seem as daunting.
This month really has been more of us waiting around to get things done on the house, and waiting for warm weather. Paige LOVES to be outside and I love to oblige if the elements are acceptable for such excursions. That means we have enjoyed park like conditions twice so far. Yep---twice. Gotta love the never ending wind that can ruin the most beautiful of days. Today I noticed green pushing its way through to brown, it makes me so excited and gives me hope that warm weather truly is around the corner. Paige loves to swing at the park and it has been fun to watch her enjoy things for the first time.  She really loves to just walk around and explore. It makes me smile to see her walk on sand, grass, gravel, and other textures for the first time. I love to be reminded to enjoy the small things in life and soak in our surroundings--one of the many blessings children bring into our lives.

Paige changes so quickly. I feel twangs of sadness as I pack away clothes she has grown out of after wearing once or twice. She is still a picky eater and we supplement a lot with the bottle. I am not sure whether that is good or bad, but she still seems so much like a baby and I feel she might die of malnutrition without it. Paige is Miss Independent and wants to spend her days walking around getting into stuff. I wish we were in a situation that allowed her to explore more without endangering her life. She will eat many non-food items and this month nibbled on a few candles that prompted a poison control call. She has a natural talent to find small things and I am grateful she is a hoarder and not a swallower.

Here are a few random things Paige is into lately that makes me smile.  Paige says mom, woof, uh-oh, mmmm, wow, ya, and her own version of no. Occasionally she will say "dada". she has learned to shake her head, but only no, and will answer any question with a resounding "no". Many times she feels we are talking and carrying on a conversation but I have no idea what we are discussing. Whatever it is, it is important and usually quite serious. She will now hold my hand when we are out and about, love it! She loves Popcorn Popping and will do all the actions as we sing it. She gives high fives more than kisses, still stingy the little stinker! I made a church picture book for her using pictures from the Distribution Center. She was obsessed with a picture of President Monson

First time on the swings.

Loving every minute of it!

Getting big

Cruising around the tennis courts, a favorite past time.

Riding in the car with President Monson

Finally loving and discovering her shopping cart, a Christmas present. I love the shoe she put in there.

Around the first of the year, my dear friend Kacie did some 1 year shots of Paige. She did such a fabulous job! Check her our at Eye Candy by Kacie on Facebook. She captured a ton of fun shots, but here are a few of my favorites:

Christmas, Walking, and Waiting

Here in my cave, I have limited access to Internet which has pushed me behind in my blogging. When I get the chance to hit the web, I am so busy reading up on all the faithful bloggers out there that mine begins to suffer! We are still in our little rental, waiting to break ground on the new house. I am learning oh so much about patience, and I am so ready for the lesson to be over! Patience lessons always stink and this one is no different. Here we had the perfect winter for building and didn't even get to take advantage of it. The good news is I see a light at the end of the tunnel, our short plat is a week or so away from being approved and hopefully things go quickly from there. I would love to be in my new house sometime this summer, and definitely before next winter. I won't miss stoking the fire like Laura Ingalls. For now, the waiting game continues and I work hard on keeping my sanity. Mark would argue I haven't been patient at all, but he really has no idea. I would like to see him clean our current place and feel accomplished. It is impossible! I have finally waved my flag of surrender and I embrace the lady bugs, wood shavings, dust, chips, and all other types of wood form, and webs. I will say I have worked through my spider phobia and have been known to kill them, with a Kleenex...IN MY FINGERS, it is a pretty big deal.

Now for catch up, this year was Paige's second Christmas, but let's be honest, it was about as exciting to her as her first. Mark and I had a lot more fun shopping for her and thinking she would care about opening presents. I loved her little Christmas dress! It was nice to have church in the morning, and to open presents later in the day. It seemed to make the excitement of Christmas last that much longer. Paige made off pretty good with a Fisher Price Zoo, a pillow pet, a shopping cart, a special ornament, a new cowboy hat (I pushed for a horse to go with it, but Dad says maybe later), and a few other little things to fill in the gaps. For a while, Paige was going through a bit of a sensitive stage and would bow her head in silence if she was receiving unwanted attention.  Christmas morning proved to be too much to handle and she had a moment of quiet breakdown. She would not look up from my mom's shoulder.  When she finally did, she exposed a tear stained face. What a silent little sufferer. Christmas is rough stuff apparently. Hopefully Christmas will be less overwhelming for her next year. It was fun to spend the holidays with family and we are so grateful to have a little one to share it with!

Thinking the ornament was pretty cool

So cute! She doesn't leave it on yet though.

Such sadness

Paige found a binky in her toy chest and decided she had to have it. She went through a phase where she constantly wanted it in her mouth. If she can't see it, she doesn't miss it, but if she spots one she must  have it, even if it isn't hers. We tried for months to get her to take one as a newborn and she refused. About the time you would take it away, she decides it's cool--go figure!

At Paige's 1 year appointment, she weighed a whopping 16 lbs 6 oz., which means I still have a little lightweight. She is growing taller though and finding pants long and skinny enough is quite the challenge, especially since I am picky as to how they fit.  At 13 months, Paige started to walk like a mad woman. Most of the time she prefers to run, but it doesn't last long before she crashes. Her favorite thing to do is to visit the library and walk where she wishes. She likes the mall too, but it is much harder to keep her out of oncoming traffic. Walking did not come easy.  Paige is never one to want help; Miss Independent thinks she can do it all on her own. She wasn't a huge fan of the walking while holding the fingers bit and only did it sporadically before she decided she could stand up and walk all by herself. She went from nothing to full on walking in a week. With that came a time where she looked a little abused. I thought we might need to invest in a helmet. She managed to hit her forehead in the exact same spot every few days. She had quite the bruise and honestly quite the dent. A month later, and we are still trying to recover!

This was after the first, but before the second head crash.

Paige is seriously a little person and is more fun each and every day. She loves stories and does actions to most books. She shakes her finger at the monkey's jumping on the bed, she meows and whoofs at the kitties and puppies, and she sticks her feet on the page's of the Foot book. Paige loves to visit Grandma and Grandpa and knows that if she says "mmmmm" she will get a treat, if she retrieves a book she will be read to, knows where to find the golf balls, and knows to find the "babies" asleep in the pack n play. Paige is obsessed with stuffed animals and dolls and gives them snuggles any chance she gets. Grandma found her her own Baby Bear Alice after much searching and gave it to her for Valentines. Paige was pumped and has given much loves since. My parents have a post it note holder that Paige loves to play with. She pulls the notes out and sticks them on her forehead. It is a learned behavior for sure, but Paige thinks it is the funniest thing ever. Her favorite game is chase which can be fun, but has had negative consequences since now every time I try to grab her, she runs the other direction in delight. She giggles in fits if she thinks someone is chasing her and loves it if someone else is around to provide "cover". Most games are accompanied by growling. I don't know why my little girl is obsessed with growling, but it is kinda funny.

Reading to herself.

Just getting so big and cute and cruising all over the place!

Not great lighting, but I love her shoes and I can't believe how long her hair is getting and how much she looks like a toddler, not my baby anymore.

Paige continues to show more affection and will now give kisses and high fives. She is quite stingy with the kisses and has to be in the right mood. Mark hopes the stinginess will be a lasting trait. Paige loves to cheer and "fake" screams for herself when she gives high fives, does something good herself, or is impressed with something someone else does. It is the most hilarious sound. It is like this inside voice excited sound with hands raised high. Last night at the ward talent show, she cheered on the flash mob, and after trying to ruin my violin solo, gave me quite the ovation. She was proud of the performance and it was too darn cute for words. She was a pretty good distraction from the usual nerves.I have been on Accutane and my lips are horrible. Paige has grown up thinking chap stick is a necessity of life and loves to carry a tube around all day. I guess it can be counted as one of her tools. Once she has a good tool, she will refuse to put it down for anything. Most tools get chewed on constantly. We are going on month three of constant teething. She has two molars on bottom and two poking through on top. She is half shark and should be getting her wisdom teeth any day at this rate! We were able to spend the weekend with Paige's birth mom and had a blast. I love knowing that many people love and care for Paige. . What a lucky little lady she is! Paige's birth mom is growing into a lovely woman and we were glad we could be with her on her birthday. It is always fun to visit with the birth mom and family.

Besides waiting for things to go on the house, not much else is happening. I am anxious for spring and the chance to get outside with Paige. I think we are both feeling cooped up. Roxy can't wait for us to take walks and go on adventures. I can't wait to get the jogging stroller out and enjoy some outdoor runs and ditch the treadmill. Since it decided to dump a few inches of snow today, my dreams will have to wait. Mark is busy working and has started to play basketball again after a long exercise hiatus. I am grateful he is finally healthy enough to do things like that again. We are enjoying day to day life and the simple joys it brings. It really is nice to find happiness in the journey--some days are better than others, but that's life. I can't wait to be in our own home again and  feel as if we are making it ours. Renting is the pits and I constantly feel so unsettled. However, we love being close to good family and friends and we feel so blessed overall. I really can't complain--life is pretty good!