Ready or Not....Life Goes On

Contrary to what my blog has depicted, we are alive and have kept ourselves quite busy. It's time to get back to blogging and catching up. I have found that keeping busy is the best medicine and it didn't take too long before I put that mantra to practice. So onto picture overload of the past month and a half!

 

 Literally the day after our match failed, Paige and I loaded up the car and headed to Boise. We tried to keep things fun and first visited the dentist. Ok, that really isn't fun, but it was Paige's first time and Mark's brother is an awesome dentist. She did great and totally let Uncle Greg have his way with her! He tackled my mess of a mouth and then the fun really began when we crashed at his place, enjoyed his beautiful backyard, and played with cousins. My brother was moving that weekend as well, so Paige and I spent a lot of time hauling boxes and odds and ends. Poor Courtney was 8 months pregnant. Seems like a great time to pack up ship! We really weren't much help, but we tried. It just so happened that a soccer tournament I had signed up for, then bailed out on due to the baby, was also that weekend in Boise. I ended up getting to play in two games. It was the first women's tournament I had participated in since high school. I loved getting out and playing, even though I knew no one and our team was a bit out of our league. I somehow managed a goal and left feeling good that my old lady self can still play at least a little bit.

 

 

Paige enjoyed a good polish. I was quite surprised that she did as well as she did.

 

Paige and I bought a season's pass to Bear World. Our friend Beth and her kids get one each year and she convinced me it was worth it. We actually go quite a bit. Paige is a ride hound and is fearless. I love her face in this picture. Now, she raises her hands high in the air and claps after each drop. She dashes past the animals and lives for the rides.

 

I signed Paige up for preschool camp this summer and they have all been really fun. Her teacher is fantastic and Paige comes home from each camp loaded up. This particular day was Pirate Camp. She told me about the treasure she found for days. She still informs me that X marks the spot.

 

About a week after Boise, Paige and I jumped on a plane to go see my parents in California. We hadn't seen them since September and they had a pretty low key week ahead of them. That doesn't happen....ever...so Paige and I knew we needed to take advantage of it! Mom and Dad were able to spend most of the days with us and we filled them full of fun activities. Lots of parks, movies, ice cream, shopping, Chuck E. Cheese, and backyard games. I was pretty wore out most days. Paige didn't seem to skip and beat and loved being spoiled by Boppa and Momma.

 

My mom is still gullible enough to partake in all park activities. I figure you can only get stuck on the slide so many times before you make the three year old traverse it alone. They both came down with some crazy hair!

 

On our way home, we had a stop in Oakland. We stayed on the plane and waited for others to board. I spent the time entertaining Paige and didn't pay any attention to those around me. After we landed and were waiting to deplane, I heard a familiar voice. It just so happens that Steve Young and all his kids were sitting right behind me. I wanted to ask for an autograph so badly but chickened out. It was a Sunday and he was with all his kids, I didn't want to bug him. Since we stood there for so long together, he started to talk to Paige. I started to look through my bag for anything he could sign and found a crayon and purple paper. I couldn't bring myself to present him with that. So instead, I took this awesome incognito picture at baggage claim to prove I had actually seen him. I then watched him graciously sign autographs for everyone else. Sigh.

 

Life wasn't quite as exciting once we got home, but we've tried to find fun things to do. Paige not only gave me this awesome purple manicure, but she also insisted on taking the picture. Not too shabby!

 

When we got back from California, the weather finally decided to be nice. Paige and I have tried to spend as much time as possible outdoors. We went for a lovely walk behind the house and enjoyed this little spot until the bugs found us.

 

Beth is always up to something fun and she always invites Paige and I to tag along. Bless her! I love getting out and doing stuff.  We found a park that wasn't overly crowded and soaked in the sun. Paige loved this merry-go-round. These used to be one of my favorite toys when I was little. Then they removed them from all the parks I know due to safety issues. Apparently they missed this one. Pretty awesome that all those big kids sat there as Paige pushed them over and over again. I was impressed. They weren't. It wasn't going fast enough. She is only 3, boys!

 

 

Beth is the picture queen, which is great since I stink and am too lazy to document as well as I should. Thanks Beth!

 

We've tried to do some horse back riding, but it hasn't been as often as I would like. Mark has caught the roping bug which puts a damper on my trail riding. Paige, however, loves the arena because she can ride Tucker "all by myself."

 

One of the most exciting events from the last month were the four days that stupid Boots got herself stuck in the tree. She was a good 40 feet up there. At first, I felt like maybe we should let nature take its course, since well, Boots is a cat and not well loved. Well tolerated, but not well loved. She does catch mice which is nice. Anyhow, after the third day her pleas were quite mournful and darn my animal loving heart, I just was too soft to let it go on. We had tried a couple of maneuvers, one being climbing a ladder placed in the bed of Mark's truck. That was the scariest 2 minutes of my life and I felt like my life was more valuable than that. A ward member had a boom truck he let us borrow and it BARELY reached the cat. In fact, Mark had to grab her by the tail to get her into the bucket. She rewarded him by hissing, scratching, and attempting to jump from the bucket. Welcome back Boots.

 

The 4th of July rolled around and I felt very clever with this hairdo...that is until we got to the parade and every other girl rocked the same look. Oh well, still cute, right?!

 

My little brother made it up for the weekend and we attended the extended family BBQ. It was a better turnout than in recent years and I loved catching up with everyone! Felt like old times.

 

Since BJ was here, we decided to pull out all the stops and made a day trip over to Jackson Hole. Mark's family caught wind of it and they all came along too. Our first stop was the Alpine Slide. Fearless little Paige was stoked and begged Mark to go faster the entire time.

 

 

That night we hit up Bar J. Paige loved being surrounded by her cousins. I hadn't been in years. It was a ton of fun. Paige did better than expected and waited until almost the end of the show before falling of the bench and drilling her head on the concrete. Poor baby had two good sized goose eggs. After a very full day and what I have no doubt was a good headache, we decided to call it day and headed back home. There was literally a near death moment on the pass when an oncoming car blew a tire, but our little day trip was overall a success.

 

 

Mark has been really busy this year as the committee chair for Relay for Life. He honestly didn't have time for it, but the spot needed filled and he stepped up to the plate. It was a lot of work, and I know he felt bad he couldn't dedicate more time to it. In the end, I think things turned out well and we had a great night. Paige got her own committee shirt and the two of them looked so dang cute! Paige joined Mark on the survivor lap and it never ceases to melt my heart. I have a lot to be grateful for. Two miracles right there folks!

 

 

Paige partied like it was 1999. At one point, she danced on stage for 25 minutes. It was a pretty good performance and she entertained the masses. She even flipped the walkers a thumbs-up sign. I literally had to drag her off the stage by bribing her with a jump house trip. The only problem with that was trying to get her out. I was seconds away from having to crawl in there after her. So embarrassing.

 

 

This entire last week was spent redoing this king sized bed. In my head, the project seemed so fun and simple. In reality, it was a ton of hard work. Lots of sanding, painting, distressing, drying, and a huge mess. It has a footboard and side rails to match. It's just BIG. I think it turned out fine. I am not too crafty, talented, or artistic so don't look too close! It needs another coat of  lacquer and then should be good to go. Paige insisted on being in every picture I took. I guess she only improves the shot.

 

 

I get asked a lot about how we are doing. The answer is ok. I have my good days and bad days. Paige will still sometimes ask about the baby or when we are going to the temple, but it is getting less and less. I am surprised by how often it weighs on my mind. It's hard not to dwell on it when I'm driving, cleaning, running, or any other time my hands are busy but my mind isn't. I ask lots of questions and wonder about a lot of things. Sometimes I just feel dumb. I know that doesn't make much sense, but I feel dumb that I trusted, and hoped, and got "sucked' into it all. I feel stupid when I reflect on some of the moments I felt like I was on cloud 9, or that things were perfect, or that we were so lucky. I think back to those moments and my reactions and I feel dumb for having them. I know....doesn't make much sense. When I called my grandma to tell her the happy news, she asked if they could change their minds. I said they could, but that they wouldn't. I felt so confident in it. That makes me feel so foolish or something. Did I miss something? Was I overlooking something? I feel dumb for caring and loving them as much as I did, and thinking that they didn't feel the same way. Almost like dating rejection if I were to compare it something more people would be familiar with. Giving your heart away to someone who doesn't feel the same way. I get a lot of questions and have a lot of questions about it all and how it could have ended that way. All I can come up with is agency. People have their agency, NO MATTER WHAT. The end. That is what it boils down to. And so while it kind of feels raw, or unfair, or confusing, it is what it is. They had their agency and they made a decision. That I can comprehend. While it doesn't make a lot of sense to me at times, it just doesn't matter. I just hope with time that things will continue to get better and as we move ahead it will hurt less or bother me less. I find myself looking inward more than I should. I need to be better about looking outside myself and forgetting myself. I can and should do better.

 

I think I need to work on having hope and trust again. Faith that the future is bright and things could happen and that when doors close, windows open. I sometimes let pessimism cloud my view, and I need to rise above that. I know that I have lots to be grateful for now, and who knows what the future might bring. Some days it just feels dark, but I feel like that's my fault. Not having hope doesn't mean there isn't hope. Attitude is everything and I can make or break the situation. I often feel like I have no control or no say, but the reality is I do. I have control over myself and my attitude and that makes all the difference. We will hope that someday, something will happen for us, that there is hope for a baby. If that isn't the plan, then there is hope that I can be ok with what His plan is for our family. Be grateful in things, not for things. If I say it enough, I might actually be able to do it :) Paige is such a blessing and I just love her. So much. I love her birth family. I love having a relationship with them. Mark and I have wonderful families and our little family is very blessed.

 

Some fun things Paige has said lately:

 

During the Rigby fireworks: "I wonder who puts this on"

 

While handing me a bloody booger "Mom, I found you a chocolate booger"

 

After Mark throws out a toothpick from the truck window "What was that Dad?" "Nothing Paige." "Was it just a booger?"

 

"Mom, can we go to the temple?" "Not until you're bigger, maybe someday." "Well, I will go get my church dress on and then I can."

 

"President Monson gave me this shirt. He put the sparkles on it."

 

"Mom, stop being so dramatic"

 

Asking her how Dragons 2 was "It was serious."